Well, Christmas is almost here.

Well, we have 15 more days until Christmas, it seems like it should not even be December yet, let alone almost Christmas and a New Year. Time flies sometimes, I was talking to my husband last night about how when we are young, it seems like we will never be adults and like time just stands still when we want it to hurry, then we get older, have kids, and it seems like time just goes by so fast. Our children grow up way to fast, and it seems like it doesn't take long until they are grown, or almost grown. They move out, and develop their own lives, and relationships, and it seems like they should still be little. If you have young children, don't wish they would grow up because before you know it you will be wishing they were little again. Enjoy them while you can, even through the difficult stages, because believe me when I say, you will miss those times more than you can even believe when they are grown and out of your house. I miss my kids being little so much! My youngest girl, B.J., will be 15 years old the 28th of this month, and it seems like she has grown way to fast. She is wearing makeup now, and developing her own style, not one I particularly care for, but one she is comfortable with, and wanting to get her learners permit, and start driving. AHHHHHHHHH! It scares me to no end, my youngest driving soon! Another year and she will be able to go out on dates, man the scary times are here and I just can't believe she is old enough for all of this. I pray that John really looks after her through these years, along with the Lord. I am so thankful that I don't have to go through the "Teen Years" again. It is hard for me, but I know that these years can be real hard on kids as they grow.

So enough of that, To scary! HA, HA! So what have I been doing since the last post? Well, I have been doing much better emotionally, I know that John is in a much better place than we are, and that I am where I am supposed to be in life. I have been working on the baby afghan I am making for my grandson. The first grandson in our family, my stepson's. I still am having a little bit of a hard time with the name they picked out, but it is their decision after all, and I have to accept that, so it is getting easier. I think part of that is due to the sermons that our Minister has been preaching. It is a little series about forgiving, dealing with the anger, and stuff like that. The first was from Matthew 18, where Peter asks Christ how many times we should forgive someone for sinning against us. And Christ tells him that we must forgive as God has forgiven us. So we must always forgive those who trespass against us. Then he told us about dealing with the anger. Ephesians 4:26 tells us to be angry, Do Not Sin, and not let the sun go down on our anger. That being angry is normal when we are wronged, but to be careful and not sin while we are angry which is easy to do, and to deal with it, because if we don't we are giving Satan a way into our lives. And in verse 32 we are reminded that we are to be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God, In Christ forgave us. So I have decided that I must forgive my stepson for what he did to our family, and that it is for God to judge him, not me, and that as far as I am concerned it is over and I will not speak of it again. And when I decided that, it just seemed that God took a lot of the anger out of my heart and things have been so much better since. I know I may never forget, but it is over and I will not hold it in my heart anymore, and that trespass is forgiven. Wow, I guess it is time to get of my podium now.
I am blessed to be a part of the Church and to have a minister that can touch my heart so well with his sermons and teachings. It excites me to be a part of the church, and I am trying to be a Christian that God will be proud of.

So off I go to do more crafts and some housework, and I pray that God blesses you all, as he has blessed me.
Judy

The Christmas season is here, and soon it will be Christmas!

Well, here is a picture of my Christmas tree. I still haven't decided if I am going to add more ornaments or if I am going to leave it like it is, but John's picture is right in the middle of the tree in between the tails of the bow. You can't see it on here, but he is there along with ornaments that he made before his treatment and I enjoy looking at them. B.J. also has a picture on the tree and ornaments as well. My other kids pictures are not on the tree, but their ornaments are. I may give them their ornaments on day, but not right now. I am doing a little better today, and taking one day at a time. Though it has been more than a year and a half since John's death, and this is the second Christmas season that I have gone through without my little boy, it is still almost as hard as last year. Sometimes harder, though I haven't figured out why yet. I just miss him so much, and still feel that it just isn't right to have had to let him go at such a young age. I am keeping myself busy, knitting mainly as well as crocheting, baby sitting, and making greeting cards. Yes, I do like my crafts. Here is a shot of the afghan that I just got done today. It is a standard size knit afghan that I made for a friend of mine for her Christmas present. I sure hope she likes it. It is the first full size (not a baby size) that I have knit. Now I have started one for my stepson's baby that is due in February. I don't like to wait for the last minute, because if I have a spell of not wanting to knit for a while, then I will still have time to finish before I need it to be done. Well, it is getting a little late so I am going to go for now. Please pray for all mom's missing their angels this holiday season, even me. It is times like this that are the hardest.

Thanking God for all the blessings he has given to me, including the ability to make things with my hands.

Working my way through life without John,

Judy

Hello

Well, thanksgiving went well, We ate lunch with my parents and family, then we came home and I cooked for my husbands mom and dad and a friend of ours. Busy, busy, busy! I have since been working on getting my Christmas tree up, and getting some crafting done. I am starting to have a little of a hard time, which I expected would happen, the closer it gets to Christmas. It was always my favorite time of the year, and I think of John so much during the holidays. I have several ornaments for my tree that he helped make, and that one of his teachers at church gave him before he got real sick, and that helps a little. It reminds me that he is still here in our hearts and minds, and last year we got an ornament that holds a picture, and I put my favorite picture of him that was taken his last Christmas here on earth so that he would always be with us during the holidays. But to be honest, even though I go through the motions, and do have a pretty good time during the holidays, I don't think I will ever be able to enjoy it like I used to. If it wasn't for B.J., I don't think I would even try to go through all the decorating and such, because it is just not the same since John passed away. So, I guess I will just keep trying to go through the motions, and cry when nobody is home but me, and just keep on living as I know John would want me to do. I also know that there are other moms out there who are dealing with all this for the first time this year, and my heart breaks for them too. Well, I guess I will quit rambling for now, and just be thankful that I have my family that is still here on earth with me, and be thankful for the time I had with John, and pray that God helps me through as well as all the other moms out there who are feeling these terrible heartaches and pains of loosing their kids. It just seems so wrong to have to go on after laying to rest a precious child. For those of you who read this and have children, make sure to let them know how much you love them, and hug them as much as possible. Make time to snuggle, and laugh and play with them, for one day, you may not be able to do these things, and that will be what you long for the most. So, love your children and families, before it is to late.
Trying to get through another hard holiday season without my Little John.
Judy

Thanksgiving is just a few days away.

Well, Thanksgiving is just a few days away, so what all are you thankful for? I am thankful that God is on my side, that he comforts me when I need it, and forgives me when I fail to do as he wants, and is always there even when I have doubts. I am thankful for all my kids, and the time I have with them. I am thankful God allowed me to be John's mom, even though our time here on earth together was only 11 1/2 years, that is longer than some mom's get with their gifts from God. I am thankful for a wonderful husband who does what he can to keep us all happy, healthy and taken care of. I am thankful for my friends, who support me and laugh with me, and sometimes, just make me smile. I am thankful for the blessings that God has given me throughout my 44 years. I am thankful for the hard times too, because they remind me that if I have faith that things will be easier before long. I am thankful for the sad time, so that I can appreciate the happy times more. If we all would just sit and realize how much the Lord gives us every day, and thank him for every blessing, great or small, then the bad times wouldn't be so bad, and the sad times would be as short lived as possible, and we would have better days all around.

What are you Thankful for?
Thank you God for everything!
Judy