Wow, it has been a while again. Since my last post, I have been laid off from the GED job I had, but a couple weeks ago, I started working for a small business, and I am loving the work as well as the wonderful people that hired me. I am working part time, but hope to get more hours as time goes on.



I have a new hobby as well, I make polymer clay beads to make my jewelry out of. I still use store bought beads to accent the ones I make. Here are a few examples of some beads I made yesterday.

And here are some of the jewelry I make out of bead I made.

Other than this stuff, things are about the same, except that BJ graduated, and was 4th in her graduating class. I am very proud of her. She plans on going to community college and taking business management.

So that about sums up what has been going on in my life.
God bless you all!
Judy

It's been another month

Well, it has been another month, and I am still working for the GED office. It is part-time, but at least I still have a job. I have applied for another job, but haven't heard anything back from it. I would love to keep the job I have, but I need a full time job, with benefits would be nice. But I will take what the Good Lord gives me, and I will be thankful with what I have. When he wants me to find another job, he will lead me to it. 

I find myself sometimes getting very melancholy lately. I miss John so very much this time of the year. I know that he is no longer in pain, and I know that God called him home, but the human side of me just wishes I could have one more hug from his precious arms. Just one more,"I love you, mommy," from his precious lips. One more glimpse of that twinkle of mischeviousness in his beautiful brown eyes. I try not to dwell on all that, because I know that it just opens the heartache that I feel every day wide open. I go on with life, because  that is just what I have to do. I take every day as the blessing it is, but still wonder what he would have been like as a 16 year old boy, who he would like, would he have a girlfriend and if so what kind of girl she would be. All the pondering of what things would be like are useless, I know, but a mother that looses their child just can't help but wonder. Or at least I can't help but wonder about these things. But life goes on, and so must I. At least until it is my turn to be called to the Lord.

Until the next post, I pray that God blesses and keeps you all safe and happy.

Judy

Well, there are only a little over two more months in this year. It seems like this year has just flown by. I graduated from the tech school with 2 diplomas, and I have been working for the adult education program through the tech school since graduation. It has been a temporary job, but I fell in love with it none the less. Today was my last day, or at least it may have been. The lady that was out that I was covering for is coming back Monday, so unless they find another position for me then I will be out looking for another job. I won't know until my supervisor calls me or I go in Monday morning whichever comes first. I am praying for them to find me a position, but it will be up to the Good Lord to make the call. He is in control. I have realized while going through all the things during John's treatment and since his death that no matter how much we think we are in control, or try to convince ourselves that we are in control, we are not. God is in control. We control our actions, and have free will, but he is in control of the results of our actions and the results of other's actions in our lives. I am so comforted to know that He is always there for me, and that if I let him guide me and I follow His laws, in the end I will live with Him in the glory of heaven. I feel sorry for those that haven't learned that yet, and I pray that they will realize it before it is to late.

May He bless you all as He has me!

Judy

In honor of John's Birthday.

This, Too, Shall Pass Away

By: Lanta Wilson Smith

When some great sorrow, like a mighty river,

Flows through your life with peace-destroying power,

And dearest things are swept from sight forever,

Say to your heart each trying hour:

"This, too, shall pass away."

When ceaseless toil has hushed your song of gladness,

And you have grown almost too tired to pray,

Let this truth banish from your heart its sadness,

And ease the burdens of each trying day:

"This, too, shall pass away."

When fortune smiles, and, full of mirth and pleasure,

The days are flitting by without a care,

Lest you should rest with only earthly treasure,

Let these few words their fullest import bear:

"This, too, shall pass away."

When earnest labor brings you fame and glory,

And all earth's noblest ones upon you smile,

Remember that life's longest, grandest story

Fills but a moment in earth's little while:

"This, too, shall pass away."

Today would have been my son, John's, sixteenth birthday.  I miss him still, just like the day he passed away. I try not to let it get me down, but I still have those days that really get to me.  But I was at my new job, I started about 5 weeks ago, and I was getting some things ready for my supervisor when I came upon the poem that is above, and a peace came over me. I thought in honor of my precious son, I would post it here so that maybe someone else's pain might be eased as well.

I love and miss you son!

May God bless us all!

Judy

September 6, 2011

Well, it has been a while, but I am still around. I graduated from Tennessee Technology Center with 2 diplomas on August 23, and took a temporary job with Adult Education through the Tech school on August 22. I am enjoying being in the labor force. It is work that I went to school for and a good work experience, and I plan on keeping it until they don't need me any more.

B.J. started her senior year, man does that make me feel old. She will be 18 in a few more months.
John would have been 16 on the 25th of this month had he not went to be with the Lord in Heaven.
Becky is still working and doing well, and Brad may be deploying soon.  He would have already deployed had he not broke his foot a few days before deployment. But it is healing and he may be going overseas real soon.

Well, that is about all I have to say for now. May God Bless You All!
Judy

Another day of class

Well, another day of class is nearing its end, and I am so glad. I only have about 4 and 1/2 more weeks, and I will graduate. I need to be working on my cover letter, thank you letter, and thank you card. I also need to be printing examples of my work, but oh well, I can do all that this weekend. I am glad for the weekend to be here, I need a break from this stuff for a day or two. I hope to find a job pretty soon, but I have faith that I will get one when the Good Lord is ready for me to have one.

It is hard for me to believe that it has been 4 1/2 years since John passed away. Sometimes I feel like it just happened. That I just came home without him from Vanderbilt, but it isn't so. My heart still aches for his smile, loving arms, and sense of humor. I know he is in a better place, but that just leaves me here without him.

B.J. and I are at each other's throats at least every 3 days. I will be glad when we get through this difficult time and can be closer again. I miss when she was little. She and I were as close as could be until I had to go to Vanderbilt with John and had to leave her at home so that she could continue her schooling and such. I sometimes wonder that if I had taken her with me how things would be now. I know that we did things the right way, but there is always that doubt in my mind.

Brad will be deployed soon. It seems unreal that he will be so very far away. I feel almost like I am loosing another child. I know he will be okay, if that is God's will, but my fears still get the better of me sometimes. I guess I still need to work on my faith more, huh.

Becky is still doing well. Working hard, that is for sure, I just wish her husband would take a notion to find a job and help pay the bills. I hate to say it, but he is starting to really remind me of my ex-husband, and that is not a good thing. He buys her things to make her feel good, but at the turn of a dime, he will say things to make her doubt herself and feel bad about herself. Just like Charles always did me. I just pray that he will grow up, and treat my daughter the way she deserves to be treated.

Joe and I are doing well, just trying to make ends meet until I can graduate and get a good job. I worry about him, as he doesn't really take good care of himself. He takes care of all of us as best he can, but he doesn't take care of himself. I guess life insurance is the first thing I need to start after getting a job.

Well that about wraps it up here. I need to get ready to go home.

May God bless and keep you safe, happy and loved.
Judy

Hello again

Hello again, it has been quite a while since I posted. I have been pretty busy, but thought I would take the time today to post an update.

I had my surgery and it went well. Pathology came back OK, and I went back to school in a reasonable amount of time. I got caught up and even got a little more ahead. I have 2 more tests until I am done with one of my third trimester books, and the second trimester isn't even done yet. I have today and tomorrow, and then awards day and I will have the 2ND trimester over with. I have a 97 average, and will receive another academic award as well as my Information data processing certificate. One more trimester and I will get my Accounting Assistant Diploma, if all goes well.

The family is doing good, and I am very happy. This past week has been tough. It was the 4Th Anniversary of John's passing, and it was a tough one. Watching the kids that John was close to at church doing their LLL stuff was a real rough time for me. I couldn't help think that he should be up there with them. And also wondering what he would look like now, and who he would be friends with, and how he would be doing in school. It really sucks sometimes being a mom who lost one of her kids to a disease like he had. I sometimes feel that people don't understand and that they just expect me to "get over it" and I just can't do that. It isn't easy at all. I don't think I will ever be quite the same again. But I will go on and try to make him very proud of his mom.

I will finish school,

I will get a job,

I will help his sister get through,

And I will go on.

I don't really have a choice, do I?

But I will be "okay" and life will go on. So may God bless us all!

Judy

Another Day

Well, today is just another day in this cold winter God has decided to grant us. We have had a lot of cold days and snow too. But what will be will be. I will be having surgery soon, a hysterectomy, because of fibroid tumors. I am a little scared, not because of the type of surgery but because of the fact that I am diabetic and asthmatic and that could cause difficulties with the surgery as well as recovery. Hopefully I will be able to have the procedure lapriscopically (sp?), but we will see.

School is going well, I have a 98 average overall. I have finished Accounting I, Microsoft Word, and almost done with Excel. I will then only have PowerPoint and Access to finish this trimester up. Then it will be Accounting II, Quickbooks, Payroll procedures, and Your Career, I think that is all of them for the 3rd trimester.

Hopefully I won't get behind during my leave of absence for my surgery. Well, it is time for me to do something other than play here.
God Bless,
Judy

life

Well school is going well, I have a 99.5 average for the trimester so far. I have finished accounting I and Microsoft Word 2007, and I have Excel, PowerPoint, and Access left to do. I already have my third trimester books so that if I finish this trimesters books early, I will be able to go ahead and word on the others.

Life outside of school is not as good at this point. Finances are really bad, and I am not sure how I am going to get to school, or how the bills will be paid. I just hope that our income tax return comes in quickly so that we can get our bills caught up.

I am missing John so much these days that I am in a constant state of tears, and really have to focus on something else to keep from letting them flow. If it ever starts I do not know how I am going to stop them. In a couple of months it will have been 4 years since he died. Four years since I have seen his precious face, and heard his loving voice tell me he loves me. They say that it is supposed to get easier, but here lately it seems to be getting harder instead. Nobody really knows how much it is bothering me, I refuse to let anyone in on it. It seems like when I try to talk to my "friends" about it their eyes glaze over and it is like they are tired of hearing my sadness. I don't feel like I can talk to my family about it because I don't want to burden them with it, they have enough on their own plates to deal with. I was able to go to church services on Wednesday, and it seemed like I didn't have much support there either. Or at least not as much as I used to. May be my imagination, may not be, that is just how it felt to me.

I know that God has a plan, and that he will guide me, but I just feel almost like my faith is withering like a flower without water. God help me, touch my heart and heal it to where I can be happy again without feeling guilty about it. I need your comforting arms.

May God bless all of us that have lost someone near and dear to our hearts.
Judy

Back to school

Yeah, school is back in full swing. Already took a test, in accounting chapter 7, and made a 99! Yeah me. And I am half way through chapter 8, and should be ready to test again around Thursday. Then I will have one more chapter and I will have accounting 1 completed. I have about decided that I like the accounting, and I am going for the diploma in accounting, Accounting Assistant, as well as Administrative Assistant. Then if I can't get a job, and can continue to get financial aid, I will try to get the 2 medical diplomas (Medical Administrative Assistant, and Medical Coding/Health Insurance Specialist) Then I will just have to keep looking for a job until I get one. And when God is ready for me to have a job he will help me to find it.

I am glad that I am back at school, I think this Christmas season was the hardest so far since John passed away. I think part of it was because Brad and Tiff moved to Texas because that is where Brad is stationed in the Army. I had a hard time trying to keep from getting so depressed that I didn't want to get up out of bed or do anything. Nobody really knows just how bad a time I had this year. I tried to hide it because I know there are some people who would think, "Okay, it has been three years now, move on already." But if they only knew, but I wouldn't wish the experience on my worst enemy, let alone a friend.

Well, it is getting late, and I need to make sure that B.J. gets up for school tomorrow.
Til next time, God Bless you all,
Judy

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all! Just a quick post to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year. Brad and Tiff are in Texas now, and he is being processed in. They are in an apartment, and waiting for the army to get Brad processed and then they can find out if the army will come and get their furniture so they can officially be moved in. I miss knowing they are a phone call away, if I should need them to come over. Becky is doing well, working and enjoying married life. She and Sage are in their own place now, and though money is tight they are doing okay. B.J. is half way through her Junior year, and has made an A on her dual-enrollment college course. I have finished my first trimester of Tech school with a 94 average. I received an acedemic award as well as my General Office Assistant Certificate. The only bad thing is that my hubby's work is down to nothing. We can't even pay all our bills on time, let alone buy gifts for anyone. But I know God will provide what we need, so I will just have to trust him and his judgements. Well, that about does it for now, hope you all have a great Christmas, and remember the reason for the season, Jesus Christ's birth. Our Savior and hope for a life in heaven.
God Bless you all,
Judy

Long time no blog.

Yes it has been a long time since I last blogged, but hey, nobody is perfect. I have been going to tech school, and I am enjoying it a lot. We have 3 more nights, then Awards day Thursday and we are done with this trimester. Next trimester starts on January 3rd, and I am looking forward to another trimester of cramming knowledge in my head. I have an average of 94 or so overall, and I will be starting on Word, Excel, Access, and PowerPoint next trimester. These are the ones that I have been looking forward to. I love working with a computer.

My son, Brad, graduated from Bootcamp and is now a United States Army Soldier. He is a Tanker, which means he will either be driving a tank or working as loader, which means loading the ammo. The only thing is, he will be stationed in Fort Bliss, TX. That is quite a ways away, but with the Internet, we will keep in touch, as much as possible anyway.

We are getting the first snow of this winter season. It has been a very long time since we had snow before Christmas. Schools are closed tomorrow, at least the public ones are. Don't know about tech school yet. Of course there are a lot of happy youngsters out there for sure. I wish I could take some pictures and post them, but I am already fighting off the funk, so I am not going outside to take them. I love taking nature pictures, but don't want to end up sicker than I already am. Maybe next time, but anyway, it is time for me to end this post.

May God Bless you all!

Judy

Thanksgiving, What I am thankful for!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I am so thankful for a lot of things. I am thankful for my family, for they fill my heart with love, I am thankful for being able to go to school to better my mind, and with God's help, get a good job when I graduate. I am also thankful for my friends, for they support me when things get tough. But mostly I am thankful that I have God in my life and that he gave His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross so that I may be able to live in the Glory Land with Him some day. What is there to worry about when you have God in your heart, for God will provide! All he asks of us is to believe, and to give ourselves to Him. This country was built on the foundation of Christianity and God, and I just pray that the people leading this great land of ours will put God first again. I am also thankful that in about a week, I will see my son, Brad, again! He graduates and becomes a United States Army Soldier on the 3rd of December. I am so proud of him. He will be stationed in Fort Bliss, TX after graduation, but will be here for about 2 weeks before he has to report to Ft. Bliss. I will miss them, I have grown very fond of the chats and visits from Tiff, his wife, while he has been in Boot camp. I love her as my own, and I am so proud of how she has been dealing with their bills and business while he has been in Ft Knox. She is a blessing to the family. Well, that is about all for now. What are you Thankful for?

I got to talk to my son today. He is through the first six weeks of basic training, and starts his AIT or whatever it is called where he gets trained in what he signed up for, which was the abrom tanks. I also got a picture from Tiff, his wife, so that I could see him.Isn't he a good looking young man? I think so.

I can hardly wait until December when I actually get to see him and give him a hug from me in person!

Well, I will go for now.

God Bless,

Judy

School update

Hello all! Just thought I would update everyone on my school progress. So far I have finished one book, but should finish the second book within the week, and then I will start Office Procedures. I took the test on Chapter 6 of Human relations last night and made a 90 on it. I am on the 7Th Module in Keyboarding, and should test on it in the next few days. Then I will have 2 more to go and I will finish that book and start Business Math. It doesn't seem real that I have got this far and only been in school four weeks. I was afraid that I wouldn't do well, but my confidence has increased, and I am more sure than ever that I will get through Business Systems. I may take 4 trimesters or maybe 5 if I can continue to get pell grants, and that way maybe I can get more of the Majors. I am going for Medical Office Assistant, as well as the other Medical Assistant, but would like to get the general office assistant, and a couple others as well. I will do what I can, and I am sure that if God wants me to get through more of the majors I will. With God, all things are possible!

The last weekend was pretty rough for me and for B.J. because it was John's birthday Saturday. He would have been 15, and it was worse this year than it has been the last couple years. I don't know why, but it hit hard, but thanks to family and the Lord, I got through it best I could, and I am doing better now. B.J. is still hurting, and I think that is part of her problems, but getting her to go to a psychiatrist is not going to be easy. I do intend on making an appointment tomorrow or the next day. She is home today, and I don't want to make an appointment with her here. Her dad will have to take her after school on whichever day I get an appointment, because I will be at school, and I can't miss much or they will kick me out. Wish us luck on getting her the grief counseling she needs, and getting her to open up.

Anyway, it is about time for me to get some work done and get ready for school. Hope you all have a blessed day.

Judy

Blah, blah, blah

Warning though this post might start of with an update on my progress in school, it will probably end in a vent session.

Okay, so school is going pretty good. I have a 95 average in keyboarding so far, and a 88 average in Human Relations, and I finished with a 98 average in Computer concepts. I only have 2 more chapters in Human Relations and I will be finished with that book, and 3 more modules and the final test in Keyboarding. I will then move on to Business Math and Office Technology & Procedures as my next 2 books. I am looking forward to the different books, but apprehensive at the same time. With new books comes the need to find out what the questions will be like on the tests. Like with Human Relations, it took me 3 tests to figure out exactly what they were wanting us to learn from the text in the book. But I will get it one way or the other. I will work hard and get it done.

Now the vent. Why do kids tend to let their friends run over them and take advantage of them, and then get mad when their mom tells them about how wrong it is for their friend to take advantage and use people. When a friend uses your child, they may as well have used or taken advantage of you, and I am not one to put up with that crap. I have tried and tried to help my daughters friend, knowing what her situation at home is. And now that B.J. has her license, they seem to think that I have all the gas in the world or that just a dollar or two makes up for the gas that they use in my car. And then they use my car, and neither of them put gas in the car. B.J. said she couldn't give me the gas money she promised because some came up missing from her purse. That doesn't mean she isn't responsible for what she promised, and it makes me mad that her friend decided not to hang with her because I wasn't letting my car go without gas for the last time and this time, and I meant 10 dollars. Her friend said she didn't want to pay 10 dollars to go up town when she could go to Columbia for that much. Well, what about what they owed me for the last time. Did she think of that? NO!!!!!! I will not be taken advantage of any more by that girl, and I am sorry if my daughter hates me for it, but if she starts up again, I will tell her exactly what I think of her and how she treats my daughter and how I think she is a manipulative using little pain in the butt!!!!! I just wish my daughter would find a friend that doesn't use, that treats her as well as she tries to treat this so-called-friend that I am really starting to despise! I know that if I put my foot down and tell her she is not to be around her any more, she will gravitate to her like flies to honey. But I am about at the point that I do not care if she hates me forever, and about to say that this friend is not to be at my house anymore, in my care anymore, and that B.J. isn't to print out anything for her at my expense. I was used and treated like B.J. is being treated by this girl when I was young, but it only took one or two times for me to put a stop to it. This has been going on for quite some time now, years to be truthful, and I am so tired of it!!!!

Now, since I got that off my chest, I hope that you all have a wonderfully blessed day. Remember to tell your kids you love them, because you don't know when or if you will be able to some other time. John would have been 15 today, and I would just love to tell him how much I love him.

God Bless you all,
Judy

One book down.... many more to go!

Well, I finished my first book in the Business Systems Technology curriculum. It was Computer Concepts, and I have a final average of 98. It only had 3 chapters, and I have worked with computers for a while so I know most of the basics. I have 5 more chapters in Keyboarding, and 7 in Human Relations. As I finish these 2 books, I will start some more. I don't know how many books I will have to finish, but there are quite a few.

Other than school, things are the same here, B.J. is a teen pain in the butt, and Joe works as much as he can when there is work to be done. So it is about the same as before I started school, except that I don't get online to much during the week, cause I am to busy studying.

Well, got to go for now,
God Bless,
Judy

Well....

Well, today has been one of those days. I was sitting, and watching a movie and all of a sudden, the thought popped into my head that in 15 days my son would have been 15 had he lived through his disease and treatment. Then the tears started falling uncontrollably. I am still tearing up and have to try to pull myself together so that I can go to school, and get some studying done. Deep in my heart I know that he is in a much better place, but that doesn't change the fact that there is a big, no HUGE, hole in my heart and I miss him so much. I wonder sometimes what he would be like as a teen. What kind of girl would he like? And how much of a pain in my butt he would be as a teen testing his boundaries? Would he be like the rest of his siblings and cause me a lot of late nights crying myself to sleep, or would he have been the one that wouldn't get to out of control and make his mom cry? I guess these are some questions that will never be answered, and I really don't need to dwell on them, but it is so difficult not to wonder. Most days, though I miss him terribly, I can keep on with my life and be okay with it, but then there are some days that it really hits me hard. So hard that I just want to crawl back into bed and just cry until I am so exhausted that I can't cry, or anything else, any more, and today is one of those days. But I will go on, I will do everything I can to make my angel John proud of me, and do everything I can do to be right with God so that when it is my turn to be called to my loving Saviors side, He will say to me, "Well done my good and faithful Child" and I can live with him in Heaven for eternity. God grant me the serenity to accept the things that can not be changed, the strength to change the things that can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

God bless you all,
Judy

The first week down!

Well, the first week of school is finished. I have taken 2 tests, one of which I will be retaking tonight because I made a 74 on it and if we make under a 77 we have to retake. It is still passing, but it is lower than financial aid requirements, so we have to try to bring it up. My Keyboarding on the other hand I made an 80 on the written test, and a 100 on the objective test, so my average is 90. Yeah me!!!!! I will take it!!! LOL. The Human relations, the one I didn't do as well on, is confusing. I understand that human relations is important. People have to get along in order to have success in the work place. But the history of "Human Relations" and that kind of stuff just..........Well I never was any good at history of any sort, so that about covers why it confuses me. The way they word things in the book, compared to the test is another thing that gets me. But I will take the test again, and get through it one way or another. Of course I pray God will help me with it a lot!!!

Things are getting a little more settled here at home. It was hard getting into a little routine and stuff, but my husband is great and helps a lot around here when he gets home. He knows I need the extra study time and that I can't get everything done and still do my studying. And B.J. is helping too. She is still getting adjusted with the new schedule too since she is taking a college course through dual enrollment on Thursday nights. But we are managing, and I keep telling myself that it should only be about a year, or so, and then I can get a job and we can readjust again! HAHAHA!

We, hi ho hi ho, it's off to school I go!
God Bless,
Judy

tests, YUCK!

Well, I now remember why I didn't like school back when I was young. The tests!!!! You think you have studied enough and you take the test, and you think to yourself,"Was that in the book?" They word everything completely different and throw you off, and confuse the living daylights out of you. Needless to say, I didn't do as well as I thought I would. One of the tests I have to retake because I made a 74, and if you get below a 77 you have to retake it. The other one I made an 80 on, and that isn't even what I thought it would be. So, I have the option to retake the 2nd one over again too. And I may do just that. I could get all down about it all, but I think I will keep a positive outlook and just think of it this way: at least I know now more of what is on the tests, and what to study a little harder on in each of the classes I tested in anyway. And I will do better as I get more used to actually studying things. It has been over 20 years since I took any classes besides a little Russian, and that was at church and for fun, not for a grade. So say a few prayers for me! I will be retaking the tests in the next 3 days.
God Bless!
Judy