Feeling better today.

Today has been a good day, even though Becky called and said she and her dad and his girlfriend ran out of gas and wanted to know if I would take them some. She doesn't realise that her step dad is the one who was so generous, because I didn't have the money. They gave me some for gas and my trouble but it wasn't enough to mess with, plus that only left enough to barely get them back to the gas station, so my husband filled my car up as well as adding to how much they asked us to get for them. He is such a generous man, and I am bless to have him as my husband. He does all he can to take care of me and our family.

Last night after I posted, I decided that I was going to go to my church's web page and listen to the sermon that I had missed Sunday night because of B.J.'s knee hurting, and man, it was like just what I needed to hear. It was titled "Walking Faithfully with God" and it touched on a lot of the fears I was having about my faith and if it was strong enough. It was almost like God was talking to my heart and put it in my head to listen to that sermon for help. I feel much better about my faith, and dealing with what may come in the future. If you want to hear some real good messages, I would suggest going to the link on this page for Lomax Church of Christ and find the link for audio sermons, they upload our sermons so they can be listened to online, or even downloaded to be listened to whenever. I know that if something comes up to where I can't make it to church, I can go to this site and listen to it a day or so. Such a blessing to have such resources.

Well, I am going to go for now,
May God Bless you all,
Judy

A bout of depression.

Why is it that about the time you think, "Hey, I made it through the rough part, and I am okay", something happens to knock you through a loop and back into the spiral of depression and sadness? It has been a year and almost 2 months since John earned his angel wings and for the most part the last month or so didn't seem so bad, though I miss him every day and think of him almost every minute, my moods were stabilized and I was thinking that, hey, okay, the hard part is over. Then, the one person in my family that can really just drive me nuts, decides to go live with her dad, my ex, and lets me know she blames me for having to move over there because I wouldn't let her move back in here because of the things she chooses to do. That I didn't do enough to help her find a job, or anything else for that matter. She knew what a hit it would be on me, for her to move back over there since he had hit her before, and left her more or less homeless when she turned 18, and made her do things illegal to make ends meet. I am so scared for her, but also I am scared for me. I know she is an adult and has to make her choices, and make her own way through her life, and I can handle that and the knowledge that she may or may not do something that is illegal or immoral. Everyone has to make their life their own way, and I realise that. But what scares me most is the fear of losing her in a more final way, death. I just do not know if I can handle that emotionally or spiritually right now. I am unsure of my strength as a christian to bear another hit like that. I know God has a plan, and can see the "Big Picture", and that everything happens according to that. I know I love Him and I have faith in his works, but I am scared of the strength of my faith not being enough yet since my return to God is in a so called juvenile stage. I just pray that God gives me the strength I need to get through this. The last day or two have been so hard, the tears just pour out at the slightest thing, I am having trouble sleeping again, and I am just so unsure. I hate this feeling, and I am trying to deal with it, but man it has been one of those really rough patches. I have been told that things like this will happen, and I know I will always have some of these feelings. But when does it really get better? When will I feel normal again? When, When, When... the questions just go on. I don't know the answers, and I don't know if the answer will ever come, but I just pray for the strength and comfort I need from God right now. Lord, please help me with dealing with these emotions, I feel like I am drowning in them.
Well, I pray everyone out there in blog land is having a much better day than me, and I pray that my friends fighting FA, or cancer, or any other issues will be guided by God's loving hands.
May God bless you.
Until next time,
Judy

Really missing my boy.

Hello

Hello again. Hope all out in blog land are doing okay. It is almost 12 midnight and I can't sleep. Once again, Becky has gotten under my skin and I am having trouble sleeping and keeping from crying. She has decided that she is going to live with her dad again. And she also made me feel like it is all my fault just because I took a firm hand with her and wouldn't let her move back in because of the choices she made about who she befriended, and what she did. She even said that she didn't have a choice, that she had to go live with him because she didn't have anyplace else to go. I just pray that one day she understands that I am just trying to let her live her life and learn how to take care of herself. I can't let someone who has no regards for rules or laws live with my family. I have a younger daughter that doesn't need that kind of influence named B.J. who is on the right track, with school, with God, and with life so far. Anyway, I know God knows what is going on, and I know that he will take care of us if we have faith, and let him into our lives which I have. I just pray that Becky finds the peace and serenity that God can give that nobody else can, and gives herself back to Him.

If you have the time, watch the slide show, there are a couple new pics of B.J. that I took. I love them. The picture in the header of my blog I took as well. If I had the funds for the equipment and for tuition I would seriously consider going to photography school. Oh well, maybe someday. Until then I will just enjoy taking pictures as a hobby. Well, I will close for now.
God Bless and take care,
Judy

Wow, it has been one long weekend!

Well, it has been a long weekend. B.J. fell on Friday and hurt her knee, and dealing with that and having to wait on her almost hand and foot has made for a very long and tiresome weekend, but we went to the doctors and at least it isn't broken, and doesn't look injured to badly. It does have fluid built up in it and the doctor put her on crutches and antibiotics to make sure the fluid doesn't set up infection, as well as pain relief. If the fluid doesn't go down by Friday of this week, then he will remove it by needle aspiration. The funny part is watching her try to use the crutches, she tends to be a little clumsy on her own two feet, let alone trying to use the crutches. But anyway we are dealing with it and with God's help, it will heal up soon. At least that is my prayer. She has Church camp in a few weeks and needs to be up to par by then.

I want to ask for continued prayer for my friends, the Litchfields. They are struggling with the relapse and all, and are looking at 4 to 6 weeks inpatient, probably soon. They will find out more tomorrow, when they meet with the team again to discuss plans. Just please keep them in your prayers.

I am doing okay, had a few bad days lately with being down some. I think one thing that is flaring up the sadness and worrying is the fact that Becky is still down with her father, and I haven't talked to her in over a week except for one email she sent me last Wednesday. I worry about her, but I know I have to let her live her life her way. I just wish I knew she was okay, really okay. But I just have to trust that God is looking out for her, even if she doesn't like me talking about God and what I believe. She has pushed God away, even before John died, but more since. I just pray she finds her way back to him. Other than that, things are pretty good. I took some pictures of B.J. and one of her friends last Thursday, and will try to post a couple soon. We had fun doing that and then they swam for a little while in the creek.

Well, it is late, and I am going to close for now,
God Bless you all,
Judy