life

Well school is going well, I have a 99.5 average for the trimester so far. I have finished accounting I and Microsoft Word 2007, and I have Excel, PowerPoint, and Access left to do. I already have my third trimester books so that if I finish this trimesters books early, I will be able to go ahead and word on the others.

Life outside of school is not as good at this point. Finances are really bad, and I am not sure how I am going to get to school, or how the bills will be paid. I just hope that our income tax return comes in quickly so that we can get our bills caught up.

I am missing John so much these days that I am in a constant state of tears, and really have to focus on something else to keep from letting them flow. If it ever starts I do not know how I am going to stop them. In a couple of months it will have been 4 years since he died. Four years since I have seen his precious face, and heard his loving voice tell me he loves me. They say that it is supposed to get easier, but here lately it seems to be getting harder instead. Nobody really knows how much it is bothering me, I refuse to let anyone in on it. It seems like when I try to talk to my "friends" about it their eyes glaze over and it is like they are tired of hearing my sadness. I don't feel like I can talk to my family about it because I don't want to burden them with it, they have enough on their own plates to deal with. I was able to go to church services on Wednesday, and it seemed like I didn't have much support there either. Or at least not as much as I used to. May be my imagination, may not be, that is just how it felt to me.

I know that God has a plan, and that he will guide me, but I just feel almost like my faith is withering like a flower without water. God help me, touch my heart and heal it to where I can be happy again without feeling guilty about it. I need your comforting arms.

May God bless all of us that have lost someone near and dear to our hearts.
Judy