Well, it is the last day of the year here, and in about 9 hours a new year will begin. Another year to watch 3 of my four children grow, and another year to wonder what John would be like at age 13. Another year to explore life as a mom who only has one more living at home after having 4 to 6 kids in the house. Another year to live, another year to laugh, and another year to love. To find out what God has in store for us can sometimes be a scary thought, but then again, exciting, for with God, all things are possible. With God at our side, what is there to fear? For if we follow his word, the Bible, and confess our faith, and life in a manner that he wants us to, then we know that after death, it is life with him at his side with our family of Christians that has gone before us. I no longer fear what will come for me, for whatever it may be, if God saw me to it, he will bring me through it, in his way, in his time. And I have Faith that He knows what he is doing.
So, may you all have a very Happy New Year, and may your life be filled with love, but mostly with the Love of God!
Love always,
Judy

Fun Times

Well, let me tell you about the cake B.J. and her friends made tonight. They decided that they wanted to make a cake from scratch for B.J.'s birthday, I think I mentioned something about it in the last post, but anyway, they were just to noisy and hyper for me, so I showed them where everything was and let them have at it. Well, as the "cake" was finishing up in the oven, I went to begin making supper, and noticed that almost all my kosher salt was gone. I asked them if they spilled it, and B.J. said that she didn't think so, that the last time she noticed the lid was on it. So I asked one of her friends about it, and well to make a long story short, instead of sugar, the cake had 1 3/4 cups of coarse Kosher salt in it. We had a good laugh about it, and we threw it into the woods for the local deer, and we are now calling it "Salt Lick Cake for deer", HA HA HA! Sometimes it is just to fun to have teen girls in the house, I loved it!!!!!
May all your kids make you smile and laugh, I am so blessed!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Judy

Were does the time go!

Well, it is Saturday afternoon here, 2 days after Christmas and 1 day before my little girl turns 15 years old. Were does the time go? It seems like it was just a little while back that she was born, so petite, but weighing in at 7 lb 15 3/4 ounces. She didn't look like she should weigh that much but she did. Now she is 15, one more year before the "Sweet 16" and wanting to know why she can't date like her friends do already, starting to wear makeup, and finding her own style. She is into the "emo" look, but she doesn't like the stigma it brings. People think that it means she is cutting herself and that kind of stuff, but she just likes the look, and she is emotional and wears it on her sleeve so to speak. I pray she never gets into the rest of the stuff like cutting and such, but if she does I will just have to help her and get her some counseling for it. She is starting to try to pull back from the activities at church and even said that she doesn't know if she really wants to go to LLL this year with the Church, but I told her that she is already signed up and she needs to follow through, then if she doesn't want to go next year that will be fine. I guess I knew she would pull away from it sometime, but I am still hoping to keep her interested in Church and stuff.

Christmas went well here, even with finances tight we were able to get B.J. what she wanted, and my husband still tried to spoil me some too. I got him a pen that was hand turned by our preacher, and it is gorgeous! He really liked it, and that made me feel good. I was able to babysit in return for the pen, so I didn't have to use his money to get him a gift. That made me feel good, I did it on my own without help. I don't get to do that to much. My oldest kids did okay too. I am in a little of a weird mood, between melancholy and proud of B.J. and just in a funk I guess you could say. Not really depressed, but just,I don't know, weird.

Well, I guess I need to get off of here, B.J. and her 2 guest for her Birthday are in the kitchen, making a cake, from scratch, never having done it before, I need to go supervise before the kitchen is wrecked and I have to clean it by myself.
May God bless you all,
Judy

3 more days until Christmas

As I sit here, missing John of course, and thinking about the Christmas holidays, I think about how God gave us his son, whom we Celebrate every year, and should Celebrate every day. Christmas is not just about the giving and receiving of gifts, or a big jolly man in red, riding in a sleigh with 8 reindeer flying him around to leave gifts under the trees around the world. It is about the birth of our Savior, the Son of God. The Son that God gave to us, who lived to please our Father in heaven, who was pure as we can only strive to be, that was crucified so that we can be forgiven for our sins and have a chance at having a place in heaven with Him and all His children. My son truly believed in God and Jesus, and lived in a manner that most grown Christians would be proud, I know I was proud. Even toward the end of his young life, and he was struggling with breathing and scared, all I had to do was ask him if he still believed in God, and that God had a plan, he would say yes or just shake his head yes, and would settle in and let God and the doctors do what they would. I always said that he was an old soul in a young and imperfect body, and was wise beyond his years. Now I try to live my life with the faith and strength as my son did, to make him proud of me, and to let everyone know that I too have faith in the Lord, and that I try to live as God wants me to. That is not to say that I don't still struggle with the loss in my heart, the ache of emptiness where John should be, but it does sooth my soul to know that my little John is were God wants him to be as am I, and that if I read my bible, and do as God wants, and have faith, that I have a chance to be with my son, beside our Lord and Savior in Heaven some day. So, while you celebrate, in what ever way you celebrate this holiday season, remember what it is truly about, Thanking God for all the blessings he has given us all, and for Giving His Son, so that our sins may be forgiven. Love your kids while you can, for they are a gift from God, and we never know when they will be called home to our Lord. We need to love everyone in our lives, because we are not guaranteed even one more day, so spread the Love and while you are at it, spread the word, that Christ is there waiting for us all, to hear the word of the Bible, to believe in him, to repent from our sins, and to receive him into our lives. The Gospel is for us all, will you read, listen and repent?
God bless you each and every one!
In Him,
Judy

Not so bad

Well, the weather wasn't to bad. We did have enough icing that the school decided that they would play it safe and close the school, but it has rained enough and warmed up enough that they should be back at school tomorrow. My husband and his friends have fixed my plumbing in the kitchen, and I have washed some dishes and run the dishwasher as well. Plus I also did a load of clothes. I am baby sitting, and he is doing okay, just thinks my attention should be completely on him instead of him entertaining himself, and he has annoyed me enough to give me a headache. Oh well, this is the last day until Saturday so hopefully my headache will go away shortly after his mom picks him up (hopefully soon!)

So other than that things are going okay, kids are fine, and family fine. So I guess I will go for now.
God bless,
Judy

Will be get more bad weather?

Well, it is almost 9:00pm, and the question of the night is, will we get the bad weather that is heading this way, and will school be closed tomorrow? I don't know, I guess we will just have to wait and see. Things are pretty weird around here right now. I had a stomach bug yesterday, so I ended up missing church, B.J. got into a pretty heated argument with one of her friends at church, and today, my plumbing decided to act up, and my kitchen sink is stopped up pretty bad. My husband, bless his heart, tried everything but taking the pipes out to fix it today, with his friends help that is, but to no avail. We still can't use the sink. Every other drain is fine, just the kitchen sink isn't draining. So frustrating! Tomorrow, they may have to replace the pipes from the sink to the main drain it connects to. All I wanted to do is scream. It is to close to Christmas for bad times. But, when it rains it pours I guess. My husband is great though, he let me vent, and by the end we were laughing. Other than that, things are peachy keen, :) So, it is just 10 more days until we take time to remember the Birth of Christ our Savior. I plan on reading the bible that morning, and taking time to remember Him and Thanking God for all he does and has done for all of us.
So, it is about time to get ready for bed,
May God bless us all,
Judy

Hello all!

Hello all, just a little post to let you all know that things are well here. The snow melted yesterday, and except for what is under the trees or shaded areas, the snow is gone for this time. I enjoyed watching it, it was pretty, but I don't like driving on it. So when the roads are icy or have snow on them, it is hard for me to go anywhere. That is due to a wreck I had over 20 years ago, nobody was hurt, but it just scared me, so unless necessary, I don't drive on it.

Things are going well here today, I am baby sitting a 4 year old who is taking his nap right now. I have also helped B.J. with her research paper, mainly the printing of it. We have our house networked so that if one printer is out of ink, then we can use another. We each have our own printer and computer, but her printer is out of ink, so I had to show her how to send it to mine. Fun, fun, just the same things. I will be going to town later to get a few things, but otherwise just doing things around the house.

I am looking forward to Church tomorrow, we are to hear the 3rd lesson lesson on forgiveness and the anger from being hurt by others. So, it should be a real good day.
Well that is about it for now,
God Bless,
Judy

We have snow!!

This is what is started out looking like, at about 4:00pm here.

This is about 40 minutes later.

There have been a lot of accidents, and I found out that one resulted in someones death. It is surprising how dangerous weather can be.

Wishing everyone Luck.

Judy

Well, Christmas is almost here.

Well, we have 15 more days until Christmas, it seems like it should not even be December yet, let alone almost Christmas and a New Year. Time flies sometimes, I was talking to my husband last night about how when we are young, it seems like we will never be adults and like time just stands still when we want it to hurry, then we get older, have kids, and it seems like time just goes by so fast. Our children grow up way to fast, and it seems like it doesn't take long until they are grown, or almost grown. They move out, and develop their own lives, and relationships, and it seems like they should still be little. If you have young children, don't wish they would grow up because before you know it you will be wishing they were little again. Enjoy them while you can, even through the difficult stages, because believe me when I say, you will miss those times more than you can even believe when they are grown and out of your house. I miss my kids being little so much! My youngest girl, B.J., will be 15 years old the 28th of this month, and it seems like she has grown way to fast. She is wearing makeup now, and developing her own style, not one I particularly care for, but one she is comfortable with, and wanting to get her learners permit, and start driving. AHHHHHHHHH! It scares me to no end, my youngest driving soon! Another year and she will be able to go out on dates, man the scary times are here and I just can't believe she is old enough for all of this. I pray that John really looks after her through these years, along with the Lord. I am so thankful that I don't have to go through the "Teen Years" again. It is hard for me, but I know that these years can be real hard on kids as they grow.

So enough of that, To scary! HA, HA! So what have I been doing since the last post? Well, I have been doing much better emotionally, I know that John is in a much better place than we are, and that I am where I am supposed to be in life. I have been working on the baby afghan I am making for my grandson. The first grandson in our family, my stepson's. I still am having a little bit of a hard time with the name they picked out, but it is their decision after all, and I have to accept that, so it is getting easier. I think part of that is due to the sermons that our Minister has been preaching. It is a little series about forgiving, dealing with the anger, and stuff like that. The first was from Matthew 18, where Peter asks Christ how many times we should forgive someone for sinning against us. And Christ tells him that we must forgive as God has forgiven us. So we must always forgive those who trespass against us. Then he told us about dealing with the anger. Ephesians 4:26 tells us to be angry, Do Not Sin, and not let the sun go down on our anger. That being angry is normal when we are wronged, but to be careful and not sin while we are angry which is easy to do, and to deal with it, because if we don't we are giving Satan a way into our lives. And in verse 32 we are reminded that we are to be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God, In Christ forgave us. So I have decided that I must forgive my stepson for what he did to our family, and that it is for God to judge him, not me, and that as far as I am concerned it is over and I will not speak of it again. And when I decided that, it just seemed that God took a lot of the anger out of my heart and things have been so much better since. I know I may never forget, but it is over and I will not hold it in my heart anymore, and that trespass is forgiven. Wow, I guess it is time to get of my podium now.
I am blessed to be a part of the Church and to have a minister that can touch my heart so well with his sermons and teachings. It excites me to be a part of the church, and I am trying to be a Christian that God will be proud of.

So off I go to do more crafts and some housework, and I pray that God blesses you all, as he has blessed me.
Judy

The Christmas season is here, and soon it will be Christmas!

Well, here is a picture of my Christmas tree. I still haven't decided if I am going to add more ornaments or if I am going to leave it like it is, but John's picture is right in the middle of the tree in between the tails of the bow. You can't see it on here, but he is there along with ornaments that he made before his treatment and I enjoy looking at them. B.J. also has a picture on the tree and ornaments as well. My other kids pictures are not on the tree, but their ornaments are. I may give them their ornaments on day, but not right now. I am doing a little better today, and taking one day at a time. Though it has been more than a year and a half since John's death, and this is the second Christmas season that I have gone through without my little boy, it is still almost as hard as last year. Sometimes harder, though I haven't figured out why yet. I just miss him so much, and still feel that it just isn't right to have had to let him go at such a young age. I am keeping myself busy, knitting mainly as well as crocheting, baby sitting, and making greeting cards. Yes, I do like my crafts. Here is a shot of the afghan that I just got done today. It is a standard size knit afghan that I made for a friend of mine for her Christmas present. I sure hope she likes it. It is the first full size (not a baby size) that I have knit. Now I have started one for my stepson's baby that is due in February. I don't like to wait for the last minute, because if I have a spell of not wanting to knit for a while, then I will still have time to finish before I need it to be done. Well, it is getting a little late so I am going to go for now. Please pray for all mom's missing their angels this holiday season, even me. It is times like this that are the hardest.

Thanking God for all the blessings he has given to me, including the ability to make things with my hands.

Working my way through life without John,

Judy

Hello

Well, thanksgiving went well, We ate lunch with my parents and family, then we came home and I cooked for my husbands mom and dad and a friend of ours. Busy, busy, busy! I have since been working on getting my Christmas tree up, and getting some crafting done. I am starting to have a little of a hard time, which I expected would happen, the closer it gets to Christmas. It was always my favorite time of the year, and I think of John so much during the holidays. I have several ornaments for my tree that he helped make, and that one of his teachers at church gave him before he got real sick, and that helps a little. It reminds me that he is still here in our hearts and minds, and last year we got an ornament that holds a picture, and I put my favorite picture of him that was taken his last Christmas here on earth so that he would always be with us during the holidays. But to be honest, even though I go through the motions, and do have a pretty good time during the holidays, I don't think I will ever be able to enjoy it like I used to. If it wasn't for B.J., I don't think I would even try to go through all the decorating and such, because it is just not the same since John passed away. So, I guess I will just keep trying to go through the motions, and cry when nobody is home but me, and just keep on living as I know John would want me to do. I also know that there are other moms out there who are dealing with all this for the first time this year, and my heart breaks for them too. Well, I guess I will quit rambling for now, and just be thankful that I have my family that is still here on earth with me, and be thankful for the time I had with John, and pray that God helps me through as well as all the other moms out there who are feeling these terrible heartaches and pains of loosing their kids. It just seems so wrong to have to go on after laying to rest a precious child. For those of you who read this and have children, make sure to let them know how much you love them, and hug them as much as possible. Make time to snuggle, and laugh and play with them, for one day, you may not be able to do these things, and that will be what you long for the most. So, love your children and families, before it is to late.
Trying to get through another hard holiday season without my Little John.
Judy