Well, it is the last day of the year here, and in about 9 hours a new year will begin. Another year to watch 3 of my four children grow, and another year to wonder what John would be like at age 13. Another year to explore life as a mom who only has one more living at home after having 4 to 6 kids in the house. Another year to live, another year to laugh, and another year to love. To find out what God has in store for us can sometimes be a scary thought, but then again, exciting, for with God, all things are possible. With God at our side, what is there to fear? For if we follow his word, the Bible, and confess our faith, and life in a manner that he wants us to, then we know that after death, it is life with him at his side with our family of Christians that has gone before us. I no longer fear what will come for me, for whatever it may be, if God saw me to it, he will bring me through it, in his way, in his time. And I have Faith that He knows what he is doing.
So, may you all have a very Happy New Year, and may your life be filled with love, but mostly with the Love of God!
Love always,
Judy

Fun Times

Well, let me tell you about the cake B.J. and her friends made tonight. They decided that they wanted to make a cake from scratch for B.J.'s birthday, I think I mentioned something about it in the last post, but anyway, they were just to noisy and hyper for me, so I showed them where everything was and let them have at it. Well, as the "cake" was finishing up in the oven, I went to begin making supper, and noticed that almost all my kosher salt was gone. I asked them if they spilled it, and B.J. said that she didn't think so, that the last time she noticed the lid was on it. So I asked one of her friends about it, and well to make a long story short, instead of sugar, the cake had 1 3/4 cups of coarse Kosher salt in it. We had a good laugh about it, and we threw it into the woods for the local deer, and we are now calling it "Salt Lick Cake for deer", HA HA HA! Sometimes it is just to fun to have teen girls in the house, I loved it!!!!!
May all your kids make you smile and laugh, I am so blessed!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Judy

Were does the time go!

Well, it is Saturday afternoon here, 2 days after Christmas and 1 day before my little girl turns 15 years old. Were does the time go? It seems like it was just a little while back that she was born, so petite, but weighing in at 7 lb 15 3/4 ounces. She didn't look like she should weigh that much but she did. Now she is 15, one more year before the "Sweet 16" and wanting to know why she can't date like her friends do already, starting to wear makeup, and finding her own style. She is into the "emo" look, but she doesn't like the stigma it brings. People think that it means she is cutting herself and that kind of stuff, but she just likes the look, and she is emotional and wears it on her sleeve so to speak. I pray she never gets into the rest of the stuff like cutting and such, but if she does I will just have to help her and get her some counseling for it. She is starting to try to pull back from the activities at church and even said that she doesn't know if she really wants to go to LLL this year with the Church, but I told her that she is already signed up and she needs to follow through, then if she doesn't want to go next year that will be fine. I guess I knew she would pull away from it sometime, but I am still hoping to keep her interested in Church and stuff.

Christmas went well here, even with finances tight we were able to get B.J. what she wanted, and my husband still tried to spoil me some too. I got him a pen that was hand turned by our preacher, and it is gorgeous! He really liked it, and that made me feel good. I was able to babysit in return for the pen, so I didn't have to use his money to get him a gift. That made me feel good, I did it on my own without help. I don't get to do that to much. My oldest kids did okay too. I am in a little of a weird mood, between melancholy and proud of B.J. and just in a funk I guess you could say. Not really depressed, but just,I don't know, weird.

Well, I guess I need to get off of here, B.J. and her 2 guest for her Birthday are in the kitchen, making a cake, from scratch, never having done it before, I need to go supervise before the kitchen is wrecked and I have to clean it by myself.
May God bless you all,
Judy

3 more days until Christmas

As I sit here, missing John of course, and thinking about the Christmas holidays, I think about how God gave us his son, whom we Celebrate every year, and should Celebrate every day. Christmas is not just about the giving and receiving of gifts, or a big jolly man in red, riding in a sleigh with 8 reindeer flying him around to leave gifts under the trees around the world. It is about the birth of our Savior, the Son of God. The Son that God gave to us, who lived to please our Father in heaven, who was pure as we can only strive to be, that was crucified so that we can be forgiven for our sins and have a chance at having a place in heaven with Him and all His children. My son truly believed in God and Jesus, and lived in a manner that most grown Christians would be proud, I know I was proud. Even toward the end of his young life, and he was struggling with breathing and scared, all I had to do was ask him if he still believed in God, and that God had a plan, he would say yes or just shake his head yes, and would settle in and let God and the doctors do what they would. I always said that he was an old soul in a young and imperfect body, and was wise beyond his years. Now I try to live my life with the faith and strength as my son did, to make him proud of me, and to let everyone know that I too have faith in the Lord, and that I try to live as God wants me to. That is not to say that I don't still struggle with the loss in my heart, the ache of emptiness where John should be, but it does sooth my soul to know that my little John is were God wants him to be as am I, and that if I read my bible, and do as God wants, and have faith, that I have a chance to be with my son, beside our Lord and Savior in Heaven some day. So, while you celebrate, in what ever way you celebrate this holiday season, remember what it is truly about, Thanking God for all the blessings he has given us all, and for Giving His Son, so that our sins may be forgiven. Love your kids while you can, for they are a gift from God, and we never know when they will be called home to our Lord. We need to love everyone in our lives, because we are not guaranteed even one more day, so spread the Love and while you are at it, spread the word, that Christ is there waiting for us all, to hear the word of the Bible, to believe in him, to repent from our sins, and to receive him into our lives. The Gospel is for us all, will you read, listen and repent?
God bless you each and every one!
In Him,
Judy

Not so bad

Well, the weather wasn't to bad. We did have enough icing that the school decided that they would play it safe and close the school, but it has rained enough and warmed up enough that they should be back at school tomorrow. My husband and his friends have fixed my plumbing in the kitchen, and I have washed some dishes and run the dishwasher as well. Plus I also did a load of clothes. I am baby sitting, and he is doing okay, just thinks my attention should be completely on him instead of him entertaining himself, and he has annoyed me enough to give me a headache. Oh well, this is the last day until Saturday so hopefully my headache will go away shortly after his mom picks him up (hopefully soon!)

So other than that things are going okay, kids are fine, and family fine. So I guess I will go for now.
God bless,
Judy

Will be get more bad weather?

Well, it is almost 9:00pm, and the question of the night is, will we get the bad weather that is heading this way, and will school be closed tomorrow? I don't know, I guess we will just have to wait and see. Things are pretty weird around here right now. I had a stomach bug yesterday, so I ended up missing church, B.J. got into a pretty heated argument with one of her friends at church, and today, my plumbing decided to act up, and my kitchen sink is stopped up pretty bad. My husband, bless his heart, tried everything but taking the pipes out to fix it today, with his friends help that is, but to no avail. We still can't use the sink. Every other drain is fine, just the kitchen sink isn't draining. So frustrating! Tomorrow, they may have to replace the pipes from the sink to the main drain it connects to. All I wanted to do is scream. It is to close to Christmas for bad times. But, when it rains it pours I guess. My husband is great though, he let me vent, and by the end we were laughing. Other than that, things are peachy keen, :) So, it is just 10 more days until we take time to remember the Birth of Christ our Savior. I plan on reading the bible that morning, and taking time to remember Him and Thanking God for all he does and has done for all of us.
So, it is about time to get ready for bed,
May God bless us all,
Judy

Hello all!

Hello all, just a little post to let you all know that things are well here. The snow melted yesterday, and except for what is under the trees or shaded areas, the snow is gone for this time. I enjoyed watching it, it was pretty, but I don't like driving on it. So when the roads are icy or have snow on them, it is hard for me to go anywhere. That is due to a wreck I had over 20 years ago, nobody was hurt, but it just scared me, so unless necessary, I don't drive on it.

Things are going well here today, I am baby sitting a 4 year old who is taking his nap right now. I have also helped B.J. with her research paper, mainly the printing of it. We have our house networked so that if one printer is out of ink, then we can use another. We each have our own printer and computer, but her printer is out of ink, so I had to show her how to send it to mine. Fun, fun, just the same things. I will be going to town later to get a few things, but otherwise just doing things around the house.

I am looking forward to Church tomorrow, we are to hear the 3rd lesson lesson on forgiveness and the anger from being hurt by others. So, it should be a real good day.
Well that is about it for now,
God Bless,
Judy

We have snow!!

This is what is started out looking like, at about 4:00pm here.

This is about 40 minutes later.

There have been a lot of accidents, and I found out that one resulted in someones death. It is surprising how dangerous weather can be.

Wishing everyone Luck.

Judy

Well, Christmas is almost here.

Well, we have 15 more days until Christmas, it seems like it should not even be December yet, let alone almost Christmas and a New Year. Time flies sometimes, I was talking to my husband last night about how when we are young, it seems like we will never be adults and like time just stands still when we want it to hurry, then we get older, have kids, and it seems like time just goes by so fast. Our children grow up way to fast, and it seems like it doesn't take long until they are grown, or almost grown. They move out, and develop their own lives, and relationships, and it seems like they should still be little. If you have young children, don't wish they would grow up because before you know it you will be wishing they were little again. Enjoy them while you can, even through the difficult stages, because believe me when I say, you will miss those times more than you can even believe when they are grown and out of your house. I miss my kids being little so much! My youngest girl, B.J., will be 15 years old the 28th of this month, and it seems like she has grown way to fast. She is wearing makeup now, and developing her own style, not one I particularly care for, but one she is comfortable with, and wanting to get her learners permit, and start driving. AHHHHHHHHH! It scares me to no end, my youngest driving soon! Another year and she will be able to go out on dates, man the scary times are here and I just can't believe she is old enough for all of this. I pray that John really looks after her through these years, along with the Lord. I am so thankful that I don't have to go through the "Teen Years" again. It is hard for me, but I know that these years can be real hard on kids as they grow.

So enough of that, To scary! HA, HA! So what have I been doing since the last post? Well, I have been doing much better emotionally, I know that John is in a much better place than we are, and that I am where I am supposed to be in life. I have been working on the baby afghan I am making for my grandson. The first grandson in our family, my stepson's. I still am having a little bit of a hard time with the name they picked out, but it is their decision after all, and I have to accept that, so it is getting easier. I think part of that is due to the sermons that our Minister has been preaching. It is a little series about forgiving, dealing with the anger, and stuff like that. The first was from Matthew 18, where Peter asks Christ how many times we should forgive someone for sinning against us. And Christ tells him that we must forgive as God has forgiven us. So we must always forgive those who trespass against us. Then he told us about dealing with the anger. Ephesians 4:26 tells us to be angry, Do Not Sin, and not let the sun go down on our anger. That being angry is normal when we are wronged, but to be careful and not sin while we are angry which is easy to do, and to deal with it, because if we don't we are giving Satan a way into our lives. And in verse 32 we are reminded that we are to be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God, In Christ forgave us. So I have decided that I must forgive my stepson for what he did to our family, and that it is for God to judge him, not me, and that as far as I am concerned it is over and I will not speak of it again. And when I decided that, it just seemed that God took a lot of the anger out of my heart and things have been so much better since. I know I may never forget, but it is over and I will not hold it in my heart anymore, and that trespass is forgiven. Wow, I guess it is time to get of my podium now.
I am blessed to be a part of the Church and to have a minister that can touch my heart so well with his sermons and teachings. It excites me to be a part of the church, and I am trying to be a Christian that God will be proud of.

So off I go to do more crafts and some housework, and I pray that God blesses you all, as he has blessed me.
Judy

The Christmas season is here, and soon it will be Christmas!

Well, here is a picture of my Christmas tree. I still haven't decided if I am going to add more ornaments or if I am going to leave it like it is, but John's picture is right in the middle of the tree in between the tails of the bow. You can't see it on here, but he is there along with ornaments that he made before his treatment and I enjoy looking at them. B.J. also has a picture on the tree and ornaments as well. My other kids pictures are not on the tree, but their ornaments are. I may give them their ornaments on day, but not right now. I am doing a little better today, and taking one day at a time. Though it has been more than a year and a half since John's death, and this is the second Christmas season that I have gone through without my little boy, it is still almost as hard as last year. Sometimes harder, though I haven't figured out why yet. I just miss him so much, and still feel that it just isn't right to have had to let him go at such a young age. I am keeping myself busy, knitting mainly as well as crocheting, baby sitting, and making greeting cards. Yes, I do like my crafts. Here is a shot of the afghan that I just got done today. It is a standard size knit afghan that I made for a friend of mine for her Christmas present. I sure hope she likes it. It is the first full size (not a baby size) that I have knit. Now I have started one for my stepson's baby that is due in February. I don't like to wait for the last minute, because if I have a spell of not wanting to knit for a while, then I will still have time to finish before I need it to be done. Well, it is getting a little late so I am going to go for now. Please pray for all mom's missing their angels this holiday season, even me. It is times like this that are the hardest.

Thanking God for all the blessings he has given to me, including the ability to make things with my hands.

Working my way through life without John,

Judy

Hello

Well, thanksgiving went well, We ate lunch with my parents and family, then we came home and I cooked for my husbands mom and dad and a friend of ours. Busy, busy, busy! I have since been working on getting my Christmas tree up, and getting some crafting done. I am starting to have a little of a hard time, which I expected would happen, the closer it gets to Christmas. It was always my favorite time of the year, and I think of John so much during the holidays. I have several ornaments for my tree that he helped make, and that one of his teachers at church gave him before he got real sick, and that helps a little. It reminds me that he is still here in our hearts and minds, and last year we got an ornament that holds a picture, and I put my favorite picture of him that was taken his last Christmas here on earth so that he would always be with us during the holidays. But to be honest, even though I go through the motions, and do have a pretty good time during the holidays, I don't think I will ever be able to enjoy it like I used to. If it wasn't for B.J., I don't think I would even try to go through all the decorating and such, because it is just not the same since John passed away. So, I guess I will just keep trying to go through the motions, and cry when nobody is home but me, and just keep on living as I know John would want me to do. I also know that there are other moms out there who are dealing with all this for the first time this year, and my heart breaks for them too. Well, I guess I will quit rambling for now, and just be thankful that I have my family that is still here on earth with me, and be thankful for the time I had with John, and pray that God helps me through as well as all the other moms out there who are feeling these terrible heartaches and pains of loosing their kids. It just seems so wrong to have to go on after laying to rest a precious child. For those of you who read this and have children, make sure to let them know how much you love them, and hug them as much as possible. Make time to snuggle, and laugh and play with them, for one day, you may not be able to do these things, and that will be what you long for the most. So, love your children and families, before it is to late.
Trying to get through another hard holiday season without my Little John.
Judy

Thanksgiving is just a few days away.

Well, Thanksgiving is just a few days away, so what all are you thankful for? I am thankful that God is on my side, that he comforts me when I need it, and forgives me when I fail to do as he wants, and is always there even when I have doubts. I am thankful for all my kids, and the time I have with them. I am thankful God allowed me to be John's mom, even though our time here on earth together was only 11 1/2 years, that is longer than some mom's get with their gifts from God. I am thankful for a wonderful husband who does what he can to keep us all happy, healthy and taken care of. I am thankful for my friends, who support me and laugh with me, and sometimes, just make me smile. I am thankful for the blessings that God has given me throughout my 44 years. I am thankful for the hard times too, because they remind me that if I have faith that things will be easier before long. I am thankful for the sad time, so that I can appreciate the happy times more. If we all would just sit and realize how much the Lord gives us every day, and thank him for every blessing, great or small, then the bad times wouldn't be so bad, and the sad times would be as short lived as possible, and we would have better days all around.

What are you Thankful for?
Thank you God for everything!
Judy

Okay I have been Lazy!

Well, so I have been a little lazy about posting, I guess I have just had other things on my mind. I have to admit, I have been struggling lately with a little depression, but I think I have a grip on it again. I think it was brought on by knowing there is another mom out there struggling after the death of her son, Matthew. I read her posts and it just reminded me how hard it was and still is sometimes, and I got down. But I took a day for myself, and went out and got some new craft stuff, mainly stuff for stamping and scrapbooking, then I came home and made some cards. I use blank cards that I get at the store, and just stamp them and make them nice looking. Then I went to church last night and we used one of the cards I had made for a friend at church who is having health issues right now. It did my heart good to know that I could make something and use it to lift someones spirit and let them know that I am praying for them. I also gave some of the cards I had made to the teen girls teacher at church for them to use. When I was young I never really understood the saying about helping others can help yourself, but now, I have realized that when I can make something or do something for someone else, it makes me feel blessed for everything God has given me. And I also feel more at peace with all that me and my family has been through. Someone suggested that I make some of the cards, and sell them, but I don't think I will. I think it would take the fun and satisfaction out of it for me. I would rather just do it to lift other peoples spirit, and to help other groups at church to send. I will also be making some so that I can send them out for Christmas.

Other that that, I have just been working on some of my knitting, and crocheting projects. I have to get back to making my angel ornaments if I intend to get about 25 more done in about a month. AHHHHHHHH can you believe that it is almost Thanksgiving, then Christmas and then the year will be over. Man, this year has just flown by hasn't it.

Well, I need to get busy, I have stuff I need to be doing besides being on the Internet. Don't forget to thank God for all the blessings in your life.
Live, Laugh and Love,
Judy

What a beautiful day!

Today has been an absolutely beautiful day. B.J. had a recheck at the Orthopedic doctor and it went great. We don't have to go back unless something else comes up. YEAH! Praise God. We went to the Ronald McDonald house and turned in a bunch of cola tabs and visited, that was great to see the people who work there that I came to think of as family, and we got to see Logan Miller and his mom Johna, brother Connor, and his Grandmother who he calls Maw. They looked great, and he is now only having to go to the clinic once a month. I also got to see the transplant team, and surprise them with a visit, they looked great and we all stood around for a minute and talked and enjoyed seeing each other again. After B.J.'s appointment, we went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond ( a store that sells kitchen stuff, as well as bath works, and bedding as such. I enjoy the kitchen area myself. Then we went to the book store, Barnes and Noble, and I didn't spend anything on me but I got a friend a bookmark, and B.J. a new Bible and Bible Cover. I enjoyed visiting old friends and spending time with B.J., we had some good laughs and a good time, and the weather couldn't have been much better either. It wasn't to hot, and wasn't to cold either, it was just the way I like it. I am worn completely out! But I loved it.
Thanking God for good results at the doctor, and for such a blessed day,
May God bless you all as he has me!
Judy

Feeling better and preparing to take B.J. to doctor

Well, I am feeling a bit better about life and all. I just needed to take time and process everything again. Tomorrow B.J. has an appointment with the doctor, it is a recheck from where they found a fibroid on her thigh bone a while back. I hope it has gone down some, or at least not gotten any bigger. She has been having muscle pain in her lower legs a lot lately and I don't know if it is the increase in activity from Physical Education class, or growing pains, or something to worry about. Of course I am mom, so I worry anyway, but since she has had a fractured growth plate in her ankle, and problems with knee pain, and then the fibroid, I really get nervous. Please pray for a good visit to the doctor with good news, and also for a safe trip. We are also going to go into Nashville since we will be so close, and take the drink tabs we have been saving. Between the Middle school and the Intermediate school, people at church, and the community, we have saved about a 5 gallon bucket full of them. Not bad, at least I don't think so. I have decided that I am going to try to save up tabs for as long as I can, and take them to Nashville at least once a year. It is the least I can do for the Ronald McDonald House, especially after living there for over 200 days. I don't know exactly how many days, but I know I never would have been able to pay for a hotel or anything like that for that long. So other than that things are going well.
May God bless you all,
Judy

Dealing with life can hurt sometimes!

Well, dealing with life can hurt sometimes. I have been dealing with the death of Matthew, and the knowledge that another mother is having to sort through the feelings that go along with the loss of a child, and that of course reopened some not quite healed wounds on my heart. I know her pain, confusion, anger, and total heartbreak that she is feeling, wondering what she will do now that he is gone, how will she continue to live, how will she ever be happy again. I just pray that she can lean on God, and know that even though we do not understand what has happened, that He has a reason, and a plan, and that if we continue to believe in Him and let him lead us through this very hard life, than maybe we can get to heaven and get the answers we would like to have now. I know that Matthew is no longer hurting, and as hard as he fought and the faith that he had was an inspiration to many, and a testimony to our Lord, Jesus Christ. I just pray that God wraps his loving arms around Matt's family and comforts them, and strengthens them, for there are many more hard days to go through. The "firsts" that come after the death of a child is almost as cruel as the death itself, not quite as bad, but so darn close to it. But, after a day of reflecting, and prayer, and just letting myself mourn, both for the Litchfields and myself, I am dealing with it and thanking the Lord that he went peacefully, and that they didn't have to make the decision to stop life support. That still to this day haunts me sometimes, I wonder if I should have given him more time, but then I remember that he was bleeding into his lungs, and there was nothing more the doctors could do, John had to be let go. But that was the hardest decision I ever had to make, and I would not wish that situation on any parent ever.

So other than that things are good. B.J. and I made a cute little dinner last night, one of the first times we cooked a whole meal together. I enjoyed it very much, even though I normally don't eat hot dogs, and there was way to many starches.

Well, I am going to try to catch up on some house work that needs to be done,
God bless you all,
Judy

God has another angel by his side.

My little friend Matthew earned his angel wings tonight. His body was just to tired to come back out of it this time and he passed away peacefully at 6:10 pm. My heart is breaking for his family, they have a difficult road ahead as they adjust to a life without their son. I know their pain, and I hope you will join me in lifting this family up to our Father in Heaven, and as Him to comfort their pain and help them through this time of mourning.
Until next post,
Judy

Praying for a friend

Well, any of you that read my blog know that I have been worried about a young friend of mine. Well, he is in the picu, on a respirator of some type, not sure which one, but his carbon dioxide level is not good, and he is again in critical condition. So I am not in much of a blog mood, just a little down and worried for him and his family. They have been through so much these last 2 years, and I just pray God will give him his earthly miracle, and let him recover completely and show all the doctors who is always in total control. There are just to many children fighting for their lives, and I worry about them so much.

Other than that, I have just been knitting, crocheting and doing stuff around the house that I usually do. Oh yeah, and babysitting too. I went to Columbia Friday with a friend of mine that I help out when she needs me. We went to my favorite store, Hobby Lobby of course, and I found some nice stamps that I just had to have. I enjoy scrap booking and card making along with my needle crafts, and I am just starting to get a small supply of stamps and inks, so I was just tickled to find these.

Everyone is doing fine here. B.J. is busy with Church activities right now, and school too of course, so we stay hopping that is for sure. My husband is doing well, working a lot of course, he wouldn't have it any other way, I am blessed to have him as a husband and provider. My oldest daughter, Becky is doing well in school and stuff, she has really turned around lately, and I am very proud of her. My son, Brad, is doing well, and trying to get a job as a police officer somewhere, but so far no luck, but at least he has a job, even if it is in a factory. That is better than a lot of people who are still looking for a job. And I am enjoying just being a stay at home mom, taking care of B.J. and my husband, and doing things at church and crafting at home. So, now you know what I have been up to lately. It is getting late and I am going to go for now.

Don't forget to thank God for the blessings he gives us all every day,
Judy

Hello

Well, it has been a while, I guess there really hasn't been to much to post about. I have been watching a little boy 3 days a week, but this week his mom is on vacation so I won't have him until Sunday or Monday of next week. I have been helping my friend, Dinah, with driving her mom places and her as well. We went to Columbia today to take her mom to one of her Doctor appointments, and while we were there we went to Hobby Lobby, which of course is one of my favorite stores. It is basically a store that has almost any supplies for almost any craft you would want to do in it. I picked up some crochet thread to make snowflakes and angels out of to give as little gifts and also to decorate my Christmas Tree. I am still going to the Russian class that are at the church two times a week, and I am really enjoying them. I am slowly learning, but the important thing, to me anyway, is having fun trying to learn something new. We will be having the lessons for about another week. Our friends who are teaching us are going back to Russia the first week in November until sometime in February, so we will have to try to study and remember what we have learned until then. Other than that, I am just staying home, taking care of my family, and going to church.

Matthew was doing quite a bit better for a while, but he is having a rough time of it again. He has an enterococci (sp?) infection that has gotten into his blood stream because of being so immunosuppressed (sp?) for so long, and it is causing all kinds of problems. Please help me pray for this very brave, and strong young man, and his family as well. If you would like to check on him yourself, please go to an earlier post and use the link there. I know they would appreciate the prayers and comments left on their guestbook. He is bad enough that he has a nurse assigned to him alone, so basically he is critical again I think. It is just heartbreaking to know there is so many children fighting like Matthew is. But Prayer is all I can do to help them, so I will continue to pray!

Well, until next time,
God Bless,
Judy

Hello

Well, I have been busy! I have been helping a friend who had to have surgery on her hand. She wasn't able to get her mom's compression stockings on with one hand for a few days, so I helped her with that and all the other stuff that she can't do one handed. I have also been going to the Christian Service Center at our church and taking some Russian language classes twice a week, and they are a blast. I don't know how much I will actually learn, but I am enjoying the experience very much. And I watch a friends little boy 3 days a week. All of this plus my regular house work, so I haven't been online for long periods of time lately, just long enough to check my emails and do a couple other things. But I have enjoyed it all. I like to stay busy, and help friend, and all that kind of stuff.

So to update on Matthew, he is doing better, and the doctors have rescinded the DNR orders, YEAH!!! Which means that he is a little further out of critical condition which just thrills me to no end. PRAISE GOD!!!! What a great way to show he works for us all, by answering our prayers for Matthew. It was close there for a while, but every day he has little improvements, and I am so happy for him and his family. If you want to check his site out it is: www.caringbridge.org/visit/matthewlitchfield . What a fighter he is.

My family is doing well. Becky is in Cosmetology class at the technical school and is doing well. Her attitude is much better and I am very proud of her. She is slowly paying off her Probation costs, and then plans on paying her court fees on her own, which I am very proud of. Then she plans on paying off old debts she accumulated when she was on her own. She has changed for the better since September when she started school and living with my parents. I can not say enough how proud I am of her turning her life around with the help of my parents.

B.J. got all A's on her first report card this year, with her grades being 100, 99, 98, and 98. Can't ask for much better than that. Man she is a very smart young lady. The only things we have a problems with is her teen aged attitude sometimes. But I am sure I can handle it with time, I already got through it with 2 others, so one more time won't be to bad. She is also going to the Russian classes with me, and does real well, even though she only goes because her friends from church are going.

My husband and I are doing well, he is working as usual, and things are moving right along. So, that is what has been happening here. I hope you all are well, and counting your blessings every day. I am thankful for having such a great family life, and great friends, and a loving God in my corner.
In Christian Love,
Judy

Finally, a little good news

Hello my friends, I read Matthew's caringbridge page and finally have a little good news. Hey I will take a little good news over no good news or more bad news any day. But he has been restless, and even sat up for a little bit, with a little assistance. YEAH. They also found his bone marrow donor from his first BMT and she has agreed to donate again, and they are looking at the 15TH of this month for getting the stem cells. So hopefully these new cells will boost Matthew's immune system, and be what he needs to pull out of this critical situation that he is in. If I read his mom's post correctly, one of his doctors has noticed a little improvement in his breathing as well. PRAISING GOD, for any improvements!

My family and I are doing well. Saturday I worked at a ham dinner that was part of a fund raising that the local churches of Christ have to raise money for helping young Christians attend christian colleges. My two girls helped as well, and we enjoyed it very much. At church last night we started getting ready for our Community Christmas Dinner. Last year we, by we I mean the local churches of Christ, served over 600 people that may not have had a Christmas dinner, and we hope to get more people in this year. I am glad to be able to help serve our Lord in such positive ways. While John was sick I wasn't able to do so, but now that I am back home, I enjoy helping with it.

Well, I guess that is about it, because other than what I have mentioned all I do is stay at home and do what needs done here, and read, craft, and play online. Hey, what can I say, I like to stay at home. I think it is because of being away for almost a year and a half during John's BMT and treatments.

Until next time,
Judy

Matthew is struggling worse than ever.

Hello friends, I am sad to report that Matthew's infection seems to be worse. Here is what I was just told:
"Matthew is spiking another fever. 103.5. The Dr. said he thinks the infection is spreading. Matthew has been sleeping all day unresponsive. His mom said she told him today that she would fight with him as long as he wanted to fight, but if he was tired and ready to stop fighting it was okay because she would see him again. "

I need you all to pray for this wonderful mom, because I know what it is like to tell your child that it is okay to just let go and stop fighting. She is such a strong woman, and great mom. No mother should ever have to say these things to their child. No mother should ever have to bury one of her own kids. It is just heart wrenching, and my heart is breaking for her.

Dear Lord. please do not make this family suffer much more. If it be thy will, please take this illness away and let him have his earthly miracle and make a miraculous recovery. But if not, then please make it as easy as it can be for them all. And give them all peace with whatever you decide is to be. In Jesus' most precious name I pray, Amen.

Thank you Lord for our blessings today,
Judy

A look back at my day.

Where to begin. Let's start with Matthew. He is not any better, but not any worse either. He is holding his own. His mom is handling things better, and for that I thank God for. I know how she is feeling now, and she needs Gods help.

I saw my oldest stepson tonight, and I haven't had anything to do with him for some time. I won't go into details, but he broke my trust in him and my heart at the same time about 4 and a half years ago. I was dealing okay with it, being nice, talking to him and his girlfriend (soon to be wife) and found out that they are having a boy. But what did me in, and I am having a hard time with it, is that they are giving him the first name of John. To me that is just a knife in my heart because of the past issues. I am trying to be a good Christan woman, but I fear that I am failing, and falling apart. He has no right to use my sons name, none! And I am struggling over this. Please say a prayer that I will be able to deal with this.

Other than that things are good. We have some of our missionary's in for a while. They do mission work in Russia, and have agreed to give lessons in the Russian language. Well, I decided to go, because I believe that we can always learn new things and it is good to do so. So I went and man, it was fun. I don't think I really learned much, but it was very interesting, and they made it so much fun, and we had plenty of laughter as well. Needless to say, I really had a good time and left with a smile on my face.

Earlier today, I got to babysit for my friends today. They have a 4 year old and a set of twins, and my friend hadn't had a mom's day out for some time, so I told her that I would come over, while her oldest was at school, and watch the twins so that she could just get out and have some "me time" as I like to call it. I had a real good time with them, I enjoy children, especially when they are toddling age. They are a little sickly, and they are going to the doctor tomorrow. But they were not to sick, and for the most part all was well. The little girl what a little cranky, but other than that we were all good. My friend came back and she just radiated happiness, and seemed to really enjoy her time to herself, and that made me feel so blessed, to be able to help a friend even a little is such a blessing to me. Yes, I have found that the little pleasures of helping others is such a soul lifting blessing from God.

Well, other than the issues with my stepson, my day has been great. Have you counted your blessings today? I have had quite a few. Don't forget to thank God for every blessing, great or small, that he blesses you with. And give him all your worries and sorrows, for he can take them and comfort you and help you deal with the not so pleasant side of life. Live, Laugh and Love, and thank the Good Lord that you can.
Until next time,
Judy

Update on Matthew

Things are still bad for Matthew. He did make it through the night last night, but his lungs are worse today, and he is so medicated that he thinks he is better and going home soon. I know this is so very hard on his mom. Please continue the prayers for healing and comfort for hims, and strength and comfort for his family.
God Bless the Litchfield family! Please!
Judy

My friend is having a hard time.

Please, if you read this, say a prayer for Matthew and his mom. The doctors are worried now, and he has been vomiting blood, has fluid around his lungs, and is just a step from going to PICU. The doctors have even said that it is one day at a time, and that he wouldn't survive his transplant that he needs, I don't know the whole story, but I do know that things are not looking good right now. So please pray that God heals this young man here on earth so that his mom doesn't have to feel like I do. It is so hard surviving the death of a child, it is a fate I wouldn't wish on any woman. Today is a really yucky day, worrying about him, and remembering that feeling of the worse fear, and the hard decisions, and just being at a total loss of what to do and how to be, and wondering how to handle every minute of the day. It just isn't right for a mom to have to give up her child in such a hard battle like FA, or Cancer or any other illness that can take the life of the ones we cherish. FA sucks, Cancer sucks and I pray that one day the doctors will find the way to save all of our loved ones that deal with these issues.
May God bless us all,
And comfort those who need it,
Judy

Praise the Lord!

Hello my friends, just a little post with good news! The boy that I spoke about a couple posts ago has had an improvement! His counts have finally started coming up, not much but a little. I read his post at his site , and his mom's post tells all. Just wanted to let you know that the Lord has answered more prayers!
Thank You Lord!
Judy

Well, yesterday was John's birthday. He would have been 13 years old, had he made it through transplant. The day went okay, good moments and bad, but we had a cake last night at supper and wished him a happy birthday in heaven. And of course we think of him always, but especially last night when we all were laughing, and thinking how John must be just rolling on the clouds laughing at us. He had such a good sense of humor. Yes, I am missing him a lot today. But he is in a much better place, and I know that. I just can't help but be lonely without him sometimes since I spent so much time just taking care of him. Sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself without him and his medical things to deal with. So what do I do to try to make it easier? I stay busy! Between my mom, a friend named Dinah, and myself, we have completed 110 bookmarks for our Ladies Day at Church , and I gave them to the ministers wife yesterday so that nobody had to worry about that any more. I have been asked to make one for a friend of mine and will do that later today. Other than that, I am printing pictures for a new picture frame my loving husband gave to me, and also crocheting angel Christmas ornaments. So basically, besides housework, I craft a lot and do things for my family and friends. So, now you know how I deal with some of the issues that I have since loosing my son. So that about does it for now, until next time, may God bless you all.
Judy

Feeling a little better, but still having problems with drainage in my throat, and having to cough and such to try to get it up and out. But I am well enough to get back some of my routine. I do have a request, a Vandi Friend of mine from when John was having his treatment is really having a hard time. His name is Matthew Litchfield, he is 14 or 15 now, I think 15, about the same age as my B.J., and he is really struggling. He has a caringbridge page, http://caringbridge.org/visit/matthewlitchfield ,and if you would please go by, read about him, and leave a post to lift both his mom and him up a little. He loves getting cards as well, and if you go to Vanderbilt Children's web site, http://vanderbiltchildrens.com/ you can send him an e-card, and the hospital will print it off and get it to his room, 6301. After you get to the main vanderbilt children's page, go to family resources link, then to send a patient an e-card. But what would be the best thing we can do, is pray for him and his family. I know his mom, Tricia, is really tired and worried, and frantic, I have been there myself. They are very sweet people, caring and funny, and they need our prayers, and God's help with Matthews health. So, all my blog friends and prayer warriors out there, please, lift this family up to our great Father in Heaven, for healing, comfort and strength for the treatments they are going through and will be going through.
Until Next time,
May God Bless you all
with his many blessings,
Judy
P.S. If the caringbridge link doesn't work, please go to the main caringbridge site and then type his name in without spaces where it asks for site name.

Still fighting the sickies, yuck!

Well, I am still fighting off whatever this is. I had an asthma attack Saturday night, went to the clinic, got 2 breathing treatments and 2 shots, and was told that if I didn't feel better to go back yesterday, so I did. They did an x-ray of my chest, and took blood for thyroid check, and gave me a rocephin shot. Now I feel like it is starting all over again in my sinuses. AAH! I am so tired of being sick, and just plain tired as well. I guess that is about it for now. I am just to tired to think of anything else to say.
God Bless,
Judy

The sickies hit me again

AAH! I am so tired of allergies, ear aches, and sore throats!!! I have been down with it pretty bad this time, but not enough to have any fevers, or go to the doctors. My ears have been clogged up pretty bad though, enough that if I turn my head to fast I get really nauseated. I have been in bed pretty much since Wednesday. Today has been some better, thank the Lord. One ear seems more clear, the other is still feeling clogged, but I feel more drainage in my throat so maybe by tomorrow I will be feeling even better. Praying so anyway. Other than that not much is happening here. OH yeah, some good news! B.J. got her progress report. She is in the 9TH grade this year and was worried about some of her grades, but (drum roll please) her grades were 98, 98, 98, and 99!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!! (can't tell I am a proud mom can you?) So I guess that is about it.
God Bless,
Judy

Hello all

Well, hello again! Things are okay here, thankfully we just got some much needed rain and some wind from the left overs of Hurricane Ike. The wind was up quite a bit, but not bad enough for any real damage. The weekend went pretty good. I had 2 baby showers to go to, and I enjoyed them a lot. I had knit baby afghans for them both, as well as another one that hasn't had her shower yet. The afghans have been done for a few months now, thankfully, since there were 3 to be made about the same time. Now I get to wait until sometime in October to find out what my step-son's baby is going to be, boy or girl, then I will make one for him and his girlfriends baby too. I like to try to find out the sex of the child so that I can decide which color to make it in.

Other than that I just had 2 girls over with B.J. for the whole weekend. It was really trying this time, they didn't want to mind or pick up after themselves, so my husband and I had to fuss at them a few times. By yesterday, B.J. was giving me the silent treatment, and so it was quite for most of the day yesterday after the visiters went home. Then she got over it and was talking to me again. Sometimes I just have to be a big meany I guess!!!!

Well, that is about it I guess. I haven't been in the best of moods lately, so there isn't to much to say. I know why I have felt so bad, there were a couple of deaths in my church family, but I just couldn't get myself to go to the funerals. It was just to emotional, then I felt guilty for not being there for my friends. It all started of course with the beginning of September, John's birth month. He would have been 13 on the 25TH of this month, and I am missing him something fierce. I stay in a teary state quite a bit, but I am just trying to deal with it and go on with life as I know he would want me to. It is just very hard. But I will get through this. I am trying to keep busy, right now I am helping make some bookmarks for our Ladies Day event at Church, which is on November the 8TH. The theme is Hawiian, and my mom found a pretty Pineapple Crochet bookmark pattern and that is what we are using. She has already made 80 of the 110 that we need, so I told her to take a break and a friend of mine and I am making the rest. I have made about 14 so far, and my friend was working on her 6TH when I talked to her, so we have about 10 more to do. When we get them done, some of the other ladies at the church will add the ribbons to them. Here is what they look like:

Sorry if it looks a little blurry, it is a little hard to get the picture of a book mark that is only about 3 inches long and 2 1/2 inches wide. I don't have a very steady hand right now either. But at least you can get an idea of what they look like. They are in various colors, and the ribbon will go at the bottom, where the space in the middle is. I think they are going to get white and cream colored ribbon. Cool, don't you think? Well I guess I did have a little more to say, HA!

Until next time then, May God Bless and Keep you all.

Judy

Just my thoughts

Hello all, things are good here. I have a good handle on my allergies now as well as my asthma, so things are okay.

I would like all of you to go to a friends site, http://www.myspecialks.com/, she has a great slide show tribute to kids, families, doctors, nurses and care partners of Vanderbilt Children's 6a, where John was during his transplant and treatment. John may not have had cancer, but he had treatment a lot like the kids that do. As it was Childhood Cancer Awareness Day on the 13Th, we should all ask our self what we can do to raise awareness, and help find a cure for not just cancer, but all childhood and adult illnesses that take so many of our loved ones from us. John had FA, Fanconi Anemia, which caused his bone marrow to fail, thus the transplant. And there are many more out there still fighting FA, some in treatment, some have survived the transplant procedure and are doing well, but have to be so vigilant watching for cancers, because people with FA tend to have a bigger risk of getting cancers of different types. So, even though I can't become a bone marrow donor, I have tried, that doesn't mean that you can't, so if possible go and sign up and help someone out there who needs a second chance at life through Bone Marrow Transplant. But I think another thing we can do is pray for all the kids and families that are going through these battles in their lives. Prayer is free, and very powerful. May God Bless you all,
Judy

Hello all. Sorry about the lack of posts but I haven't had to much to post lately. I am still trying to fight of the sinus crude, and asthma flare ups, and still feel weak most of the time, but I am dealing with it and hopefully it will go away soon. I am crocheting some, and playing online, but other than church, and grocery shopping, just mainly staying home and saving gas and money. I have about 30 weeks or so until Lads to Leaders/leaderettes and I am trying to save the money it will cost for B.J. and my room. It will cost approximately 500 dollars plus spending money, so I am starting early. So running around and spending money is definitely not something I can do to much of. It was bad enough before I had to save for our trip, but now it is even harder. Of course that is how it is with almost everyone right now, but God will provide for what we need, and I have faith that I can do this with His help.

B. J. is a little sick too, she is fighting off the same stuff that I am, sinuses and asthma. She also has a sore throat. If she doesn't get any better in the next day or two I will take us both to the doctor. She is adjusting to High School pretty well, and seems to be doing okay.

Becky is doing well, and has her first full week of Cosmetology under her belt. We went Friday to get her supplies that are not included in her stuff she got when she started, and we had a good time. It was Mom, Becky and I that went and it was a good "Women's day out", so to speak.

Well, it is getting late, and I am about to go to bed, so I will close for now. Until next time, May God Bless you all,
Judy

Hello

Hello friends. Things are going okay here. It is that time of year for my sinuses, and I have been battling some congestion, and my asthma has been acting up, being triggered by my sinuses. I like this time of year except for the sinus crud! But so far, knock on wood, I haven't had to go to the doctor with it. I am feeling better than I have since Wednesday, so I am happy about that. So, other than that things are about the same here. Now that B.J. is back in school and settling in well, I do tend to get bored some. I have been checking around for jobs, but there just aren't many around here that pay decent, and have insurance available. It kinda bites, but life is hard everywhere. Who knows, maybe I will find something I can be happy with, and then again, maybe not. Until that time, I will find things to do around the house, and work on my knitting, scrapbooking, crocheting and of course playing around online. So that about does it for now. It is late, and I have church tomorrow morning, so I had better be getting off here for now.
May God bless and keep you all,
Judy

Hello again! Just a small post to let everyone know that I am doing okay. The only thing that isn't going to well, I am fighting off a sinus headache. It is that time of year, and my head is hurting, and my sinuses are stuffy, and all that yuck that goes along with it. I think I will make me some veggie soup here in just a little while and see if that will make me feel a little better, or at least help to loosen the drainage up so the pressure behind my eyes will go away. Nothing major, thank the Good Lord! Just the same old allergies and junk like that.

B.J. is doing well, adjusting to school, the only complaint I have with her is that she is slacking on her housework. She comes home, eats a snack, then plays around and does her best to not get much done. I have to remind her over and over again. I am getting frustrated with it. But it isn't anything new to me, her older sister and brother tried the same things when they were her age. What is it about being a teen and thinking all you have to do is your school work? I don't know, but if I find out, I will be sure to post it for anyone else that needs to know. HAHA!

Becky is settling in at mom and dad's house. Yesterday was my moms birthday, and Becky made her a cake. I haven't seen it, but they had a good laugh about it. I am proud of her working so hard at getting her life straightened out. She starts Cosmetology classes next week.
Well, I guess I had more to post than I thought. Hope you all have a blessed day.
Judy

Hello again.

Hello my blog land friends. I hope you all are well. So, things are good here, we got some rain today, which is good, things were getting pretty dry around here. We are supposed to be getting more tomorrow also. We had a good time at church yesterday, and after services last night we had an ice cream social which was real fun. I was asked to take pictures for the Lads to Leaders scrapbook, and I enjoyed that. I had taken my camera to show off my table that my husband had given me, and nobody else had remembered their camera, so I was asked to take the pictures. I really enjoy taking pictures, so it was not a problem for me.

Today I made some pecan prissies. I thought they were pretty good, but of course B.J. didn't think they were as good as what her grandmother makes. Of course they don't, nothing is as good as what grandmothers make. But I thought they were pretty good, I agree not as good as my mother-in-law does, but it was only the second time I had even tried to make them. So, I figure if I keep trying, eventually I will get to where I can do a fine job.

Well, I guess that about does it for now. Until next time,
Judy

My new Kitchen table

My husband made me a kitchen table to replace the used one we had that the finish had started to peel off of. Drum roll........................

My husband crafted it himself, without a pattern to follow. He is very talented when working with wood and has made quite a few things for around the house. He made my craft desk in my craft room, as well as a round frame for a puzzle that my daughter and I put together that was round. He made me some spoon display casses for the spoons that you collect from the different states and stuff as well. I am very proud of it as you can tell.

Things are going well, and B.J. is doing good as well. Well, that is about it for now.

May God Bless you all,

Judy

Hello all, just a post to let you all know that I am well, and things are going pretty good. We are studying Matthew 5:3 at Wednesday night Bible class, and it was a very good lesson last night. Our friend, and teacher, is absolutely wonderful. And isn't it such a great feeling to know that if we read the bible it will tell us how God wants us to be, and how we should act. Blessed is the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven. To know that if we are humble and empty ourselves and let God fill us with his words, grace and love, we can have the Kingdom of Heaven, is just so calming and reassuring. We discussed what poor in spirit really means, and had a great lesson about it, and I have felt so good since last night. I know that if I study the bible, and let God lead my life, than even if life is hard, and sometimes very difficult, that he will get me through it and I will be the better for it. I will be more like what he wants me to be. I just feel so blessed to be a christian, a daughter of God, our father in Heaven. And I thank God for all my friends and family both online and here at home.
Love you all,
Judy

Another day

Hello all, just another day around here. B.J. is at school, and seems to be settling in pretty well. She doesn't like her algebra teacher, but from what I understand, not many people like her as a teacher. I just pray that B.J. doesn't let it get to her to much and keeps her grades up. I told her that as long as she does her best, I am proud of her and it will be okay. She is so smart, I just hope she does well. Her other classes are going okay, she still complains occasionally about her PE class, and her back hurting, but she won't let me take her to the doctor about it. I keep reminding her that the physical therapist told her she needed to keep up her core exercises to keep her core muscles strong and her back wouldn't hurt if she did that, but she is a teen after all and won't listen. She says that PE is enough exercise, she shouldn't have to do the other. I guess all I can do about that is pray for her to get stronger physically, and that the pain will go away.

Becky is doing pretty good. She starts Cosmetology at the technical school the 6Th of September. And she is doing well over at my mom and dads house. It is weird, in one way I am very happy that she is settling in there well, and doing what she needs to do and following the rules, but then again it really frustrates me because when she lived here she had the same rules and conditions as there, but she wouldn't follow them like she is over there. I know part of it must be she is finally growing up, and I am happy about that. But it sometimes make me feel like a failure as a mom, because I couldn't get her to do the same things that my parents are. I don't know, it just confuses me sometimes I guess. But at least I know she is doing well, and that she isn't going without food, and is being taken care of, and that is what matters.

My husband is doing well, just working as usual, and sometimes that is very hard. He works in construction, and since his back surgery back a while ago, it can get him down a little because of pain issues. But God will take care of him too, if he will let him.

I am doing well, just adjusting to B.J. being gone all day. Sometimes I get lonely, but I just keep on keeping on. My phone is my lifeline sometimes, but I try to limit my calls because a lot of my friends are teachers, so they are at work during the day also. But I always have the computer, and I can get lost in games online too. I had a bit of a stomach ache yesterday, and couldn't hardly function, but it seems to have passed and I have already started getting my work done around here today. I need to go and start a load of laundry, so I guess I will close for now.
God Bless,
Judy

I am glad I am not a teen anymore!

Well, I am glad that I am not a teen anymore and that I survived that age to begin with. I don't know what it is with teens in this day and age. It seems that they only think of themselves and not anyone else, even their friends. Some make plans with one friend, then, without letting that friend know, makes plans with another. Not caring if they hurt someones feelings or not. I know that when I was young, my parents made sure that if I had made plans with one, I kept those plans and didn't blow it off for another. It is called being reliable. If you say you will do one thing, that is what you do unless you are sick or something, not just because you found something better to do, or someone else to hang around with. We also made sure not to turn our backs on people trying to talk to us, because that is just rude. We listened and then excused ourselves instead of just turning our backs on anyone, so that we didn't hurt someone. I know how that feels. There has been quite a few times that I would walk up to a group of people and wait to talk to them until they were done with what they were saying and when they got done they just walked off and left me standing there without even acknowledging that I was there. Now I know how that feels, and I try to teach my kids to never treat anyone as if they were not good enough to talk to, but come on people. Where have manners gone? Do people think it is okay to be rude, or hateful? My bible tells me to do unto others what you would have them do unto you. Not do to others before they can hurt you, or do to others what has been done to you. As Christians, it is for us to shine as a light unto the world, which doesn't mean that we are brighter or better than others, but that we treat others as Jesus would. I don't believe he would ever hurt any ones feelings they way I see people do today. Even at church, I see it, in both older people and younger ones. I just pray that I can teach my children better than that, and be strong enough to not do that to others. I know my youngest daughter has said that the reason she hasn't been baptized yet is because of how some baptized christian young people have treated her, and some of the actions she has witnessed from them. I try to tell her that nobody is perfect and that we all make mistakes, but as a christian, we must try to be knowledgeable of how we act and do our best not to act in a way that would make people not want to be a christian. I pray that she decides to get baptized, and become a christian. And I pray that the influence that she has had regarding how young Christians act hasn't caused her to pull away from God. I have been guilty of acting badly before, I am not a saint by no means of the word, I just pray other Christians can see their faults and fix them, before more young people are pushed away.
So, that is just my thoughts for today.
May God bless you all,
and gently break your heart,
so that we all can learn to get along
and love one another the way Jesus would.
Judy

Wow, what can I say.

Well, what a weekend it was. We had a gospel meeting this weekend, and it was great. I enjoyed it very much and learned a lot. But I think the thing that made my weekend so great was when Becky responded to the invitation and repented for her sins and asked for God's forgiveness. She admitted to having some anger issues, and that she was angry with God because of John's death. It is such a huge step in the right direction and it was an answer to my prayers. I pray she continues to straighten out her life and work on her future.

B.J. is doing well, and adjusting to her classes in High School. P.E. is one that is testing her a little. She isn't an athletic person, and she is having to retrain herself to exercising. I hope it does her some good.

I am well, just fighting off an asthma spell. Happens every year about this time, so I am not surprised at all. I just have to stay inside a lot until the weather is better for my lungs. I had to use my inhaler once already today, and feel like I will probably have to use it again in a little while. But if it doesn't show some improvement in the next day or so I guess it will be off to the doctors office again for me.

Well, I am getting tired, so I will go for now. God bless you all,
Judy

First day of High School for B.J.

Well today was the first day of school here, and B.J.'s first day of High School. It doesn't seem like she should be old enough to be in the 9th grade, but she is and will be wanting to get her learners permit and start learning how to drive before long. It doesn't seem like she should be going on 15 years old at all, but she is. She is growing up so fast and starting to get a little of the teen aged attitude that goes with being almost 15 years old too. But she still has her head on straight so far, and I pray she continues to stay on a good path through these sometimes difficult times called "Teen Years". She says that it is just school and no big deal, but it is for me as her mom. I guess it is just one of those parent things, HA!

My oldest daughter is now living with my parents. She asked them and they are helping her "Get her life in order". They told her that they expected her to follow their rules, and so far she is. I pray she does better with them than she did while here. She is coming to church again as well, I just hope it is because she wants to do so to get herself right with God, and not just because it is expected of her since she is living with them. All I can do is pray that she gets her life on the right track. I have done everything I could to help her, but she just wouldn't follow my rules. So, it is up to her and them now.

Well, that is about it for now,
God bless,
Judy

Okay, it has been a few days.

Okay, I admit, it has been a few days, but after having 3 teen aged girls for 24 hours, I needed a couple days to regroup. I did get a picture of the cake that B.J. and one of her friends decorated....Drum roll.....

Aren't they cute? Pink and Green polka-dots, kinda matches their outfits don't you think? Or at least B.J.'s friends shirt anyway. The girls has a good time, and I got real tired and so, besides a couple loads of laundry, I didn't do much yesterday except go to church, which I really enjoy.

Today has been packed as well, I watched the twins for some friends of mine, and B.J. helped me. They love her, and when we were leaving and they realized that she was going, they cried and screamed. It made us both feel bad, but you have to go on and let them cry and go sometimes. Then we picked up Becky, my oldest daughter, and took her job hunting, or at least to get the applications. Becky is now living with my parents, and I pray that she will get her life straightened out. I couldn't help her, she fought me to much, but maybe my mom and dad can get her to realize what she needs to do to get her life straight and get her to where she can take care of herself. I pray that is what happens anyway.

Well, that is about it for now, take care and God bless

Judy

Update on B.J.

Well, B.J. had a glucose tolerance test done yesterday and everything checked out normal. They said to just keep an eye on her, not to test her sugars, and if she gets shaky again to take her directly to the clinic to be checked out. They more or less said that they have to see what is actually happening to help find out what is going on. It scares me to no end, but God will take care of her and all of us if we just keep faith, so I am just trying not to worry and let the Good Lord take care of everything. I am beginning to think that it may be her body is just growing and changing and that is what is causing her to have problems. She did start her female cycle (if you know what I mean) yesterday, and so far she has been fine, so maybe it is just hormones fluctuating.

Other than that things are good, I have done some laundry and baked a cake already today. We are letting it cool, and then B.J. and her friend and I are going to decorate it. Should be a good time, or at least a messy one. HAHA! They want green and pink polka-dots on it. I can't wait to see what it turns out like. I will take a picture and post it before we cut into it.

Well, I need to get back to work, I always have laundry to do (now that is a never ending chore).
God Bless you all,
Judy

Hello

Hello to all. I hope your day has been good. Mine has been good except for the fact that B.J.'s blood sugar has been down a little and she has been shaky and not feeling well on and off for the last 24 hours or so. I have decided to take her to the doctor first thing in the morning while fasting, and have some tests run and have her checked out, and while there I will be checked as well, and find out why my feet have been hurting especially at night when I am trying to sleep.

We had a good time at church this evening. After services we had a devotional, with beautiful singing and talks and prayers. Then after that we socialized and ate finger foods. I am stuffed. But had a good time. I wasn't planning on staying for the devo and all, but B.J. started not feeling well, so I stuck around to see if she got to feeling better after she ate, which she did, then she got a stomach ache. So other than that all was great. Food, Friends, and the Lord, what a great combination!

Well, that about does it for now.
May God bless us all,
Judy

Hello my friends!

Well, hello my friends from blog land. Just a little post to let you all know that I am doing well. The week has been a pretty good one, and the family is all healthy. The only problems I seem to keep having is my feet have been aching real bad especially during the night to where I haven't been sleeping to well. If it keeps up I will have to go to the doctor even though I hate to go. But when the pain wakes me up from a sound sleep and keeps me from going back to sleep than it is about time to go anyway.

I have been working on my entry room of my house, and added something to my wall. Here is a picture of it.

This shot is what you would see as you come into my house straight on.

This is a closer look at it as well as the memorial of John that was given to my husband and I for Christmas the year that John passed away.And this is from the hallway to the main part of my house. We live in a double wide modular home that we have been remodeling and adding onto. Sometime I will post some old pictures of the house and then some newer pictures of what it looks like now. But that will come later.

Well, it is time for me to go fix some supper. Hope you all have a great day.

God bless,

Judy

Hello

Hello friends out there in blog land. Things are going okay here, I am just helping my friend a few nights a week now, and I do miss it, but I am glad they are able to take care of themselves more now. I am back to knitting and crocheting again, I have finished 3 baby afghans this summer, and have another one started. I have also done a couple of dish clothes for myself. So I stay busy doing something.

I don't hear from Becky much anymore, I guess she is mad at me for not getting her stuff moved out of her old place for her. But I guess that is her right to her emotions. I have just decided that I will be here for her emotionally, but she needs to take care of her own business, and not rely on me all the time. I breaks my heart to have to be so tough on her, but if I don't I am afraid that she will not learn how to take care of herself. And if somethings happens to me, then where will she be. I don't know, I still get real confused about how to help her and make sure she is self reliant, so that she doesn't have to depend on anybody else. I can only pray that God guides me along where she is concerned.

B.J. is doing well, she will be starting school in a few weeks. She will be a Freshman in High School (9Th grade) this year. She is nervous about starting the High School years, but I know she will be fine as long as she tries hard and does her best. She has already befriended a nice Christian young lady from Church that is a little over a year older than she is. And I trust this girl, so I pray they develop a strong Christian friendship. I am very proud of how she is growing up. I pray she continues to keep her head on straight, so to speak, and does well, and stays out of the trouble scene that her sister was so attracted to. She is way to smart to not take advantage of the opportunities for education that are out there. If she continues to do well, she can do so much with her life and have all she wants in life. That is my hope and prayers for her.

My husband is doing okay, and is still hanging on. He works and takes care of us, and I just pray he is dealing with John's death too. He talks about John, and all, but he won't talk about his feelings about it all. He tends to bottle his emotions up inside, always has, and that worries me. But all I can do is to be here for him when he is ready to talk.

So, that about does it for now. I have things to do, and it isn't going to get done with me pounding away on this keyboard. HAHA! Life goes on, and what matters is what we do with it as we go on our way through it. I personally intend on living life, and remembering my son, and knowing that he is where he is supposed to be and so am I.
God Bless you all,
Judy

Another gorgeous day.

Well, it has been a great day. The sun has been shining, and even though it has been hot, the humidity level hasn't been so bad. God has blessed us with a beautiful day! Thank you, God!

I am still helping my friends at church, but their health is getting better and it won't be to long until they won't need me so much anymore. I will miss the time with them a lot, but am proud to have helped out when they needed me to.

My oldest daughter isn't talking to me much, she is still angry because I didn't help her out again. She wanted me to go to her old place and get her stuff and store it for her until she could get it, but I decided it is time for her to do for herself instead of depending on me and my husband to take care of her business for her. I pray one day she will understand, but I am trying not to worry about it so much. She causes a lot of sleepless nights for me, and I am tired of her blaming me for her bad choices, after all she is 19 1/2 years old now, time to be an adult and take care of herself. I could use some prayers for this situation, that is for sure.

My husband and I are doing well, we still take time for us and to laugh and talk. I think that is why we get along so well, you think? B.J. is fine and enjoying the summer almost to much. She came home with quite a sunburn today from her friends house today. They ran out of suntan lotion, and still stayed outside in the pool. I have a feeling she will be in a world of hurt by morning I imagine.

Well, that is about it for now.
God Bless,
Judy

Yeah, internet!

Hello all, we have our new modem and Internet is working again, YEAH!!! Things are well here, I had a long day helping my friends, they had 3 Dr. appointments between the two of them today, so it was 8 hours of riding from one doctor to another, as well as getting some personal business done as well, one of which was going to my service provider and giving them the old modem and getting my new one. It was a long day, but it was fun too. I so enjoy these two ladies, and their sense of humor is outstanding. They keep me laughing, and I really enjoy their company.

B.J. had a friend over last night, and they were very good while I was gone today. It is a great to know that I can trust her while I am out, something that was very hard for me to do with my older 2 children when they were her age. She is now over at her friends house, probably swimming, and I am glad she has great friends that I like, and don't mind having around. Another thing that I couldn't do with Becky and her friends.

Speaking of Becky, she is still up to the same old stuff, wanting me to solve her problems that she gets herself into. But I have decided that since she can't do things in a way that I approve of, then she can handle her own mess. It breaks my heart, and sleep sometimes is hard for me because of worrying about her, but I know in my heart and head that sometimes you just have to say, you did it, you fix it by yourself because I have helped as much as I can and I won't anymore. Sometimes it is really hard to be a parent, but you just have to put your trust in God and let him deal with them as they find their way in life. I just pray she lets the Good Lord back into her heart and let him guide her to a better life.

I am doing okay, my sugar level is doing good, I think I have it pretty much under control now. I do have to watch it, as well as my diet, and it does get off some if I get lax in my eating habits or exercise, but I am trying hard, and feel better for it. I have been having some foot pain, but since I got some of the inserts for my shoes, they are feeling some better. I guess I need to go get some new shoes before long if that is all it took to make it better. I just hate to buy for myself sometimes.

Well, I will post again soon, or as time permits anyway. So until next time, may God bless all of you.
Judy

Will be offline for a while.

Hello all, things are going okay here. Still helping my friends from church. Our Internet is down for a few days and won't be up for a few more days, so I am not going to be online much. I will be checking my emails at my parents house every couple days, but blogging will be limited, so don't worry I will be back as soon as I can. Take care and God Bless,
Judy

I am still here!

Hello all. Hope everyone in blog land is doing well. I am doing fine, and am still around, just not online to long at a time because I am still helping my lady friends from church. I will have more time now though, since she is getting better and feels she can handle the evening business. I will still be helping a couple nights a week, but mainly just in the mornings helping get her mom's compression stockings on and stuff that is still a little harder to do. I know when she is healed completely I will miss helping them out and stuff. They are great women.

We had a great time a church tonight. We had a celebration and cookout in honor of the 4Th of July tonight. We ate together, socialized, and then had a fireworks show. The young men that did the fire works did a great job, and we all had a good time. It is great to be around my church family. Since I was not on duty with my lady friend, I helped with the twins of the minister and his wife. They are so precious, and I have missed being around them lately. I will be helping with them Friday after my morning duties, and I am looking forward to it. The twins are now a year old, and starting to "talk" more each time I see them. Too cute, I am here to tell you.

I guess you can see that I love my church family, and enjoy being around them. My husband and I are doing well, as is B.J. and we are just living life the best we can. Enjoying activities together, and just being a family. There are still things we are adjusting to, I mean after being up with John for all his treatments for almost a year and a half, it is like getting to know your home life all over again. They had their little way of doing things, then I came back home and I am having to get things back to my way again. You never know how many little quirks you have until you live through something like this. It is hard at times, but we manage and keep on keeping on, day by day, just like I know John would want us to do.

Well I will go for now, May God bless and keep you all safe, happy, and healthy.
Judy

Still around

Hello all. I am still around, just busy helping my friend. She is recovering well, she just can't take care of her mother, who will be 90 in October, so I am doing it for her. I enjoy it a lot, hearing the stories from this wonderful woman, it reminds me of my grandmothers and the stories I used to hear from them. I love both my friend and her mom so much and feel blessed to be able to help them out. I do not know how long I will be helping them, probably for about 4 more weeks I would guess. But until then I will only be online occasionally, and will post when I can.

B.J. had a blast at Church camp this past week. She came home with a 2ND place ribbon for memory verses, and 2ND place for biggest splash for the older girls group. She has been going to camp for about 5 years, and I think this year was her best so far. She actually made some friends from other places and hopes she will get some letters from them as well as pictures. She had forgotten her camera, and they promised her to send some copies. My little girl is growing up, and I am proud of her.

My husband and I are doing good, both busy, him with work, me with helping friends. We do take time to be together even if it is just while we shop for the things every family needs. He goes to work early so that they can get stuff done before it gets so hot outside, he works construction, so when it is hot they all get real hot, and when it is cold, I try to have coffee or something to warm him up when he gets home.

Well, it is about time for bed so I will close for now. May God bless you all,
Judy

It's been a little while

Sorry it has been a while, but I have been a little busy. We are getting B.J. ready for church camp and that takes a lot of time and packing. My parents have gone on a long vacation, and I am driving back and forth to their house and tending to their dog and watering their flowers. And a friend of mine from church had to have a hernia repair, and I am helping to take care of her mother, as well as helping her as much as I can and as much as she will let me. Can you say busy. I love it though. I think very highly of both these ladies, and it is truly an honor to help my sisters in Christ when they need me. So I am not online as much as I usually am, and I am a little more tired than usually as well, so blogging just isn't top of the list right now in importance. I really wouldn't even be awake right now, but my feet are a little swollen and hurting tonight and I am having a little bit of a hard time getting to sleep. I am hoping that they will quit hurting soon, and I will be able to sleep for a while. I will be helping my friends for about 10-14 days, and tending my parents place for another 4 days, so if you don't here from me know I am okay, and that I will get back to blogging when things are a little less busy.

May God bless you all

Live is good.

Things are going well here. Emotions have settled down, now that Becky has moved to her dad's and all. Finances still are tough, but that is every body's life it seems. B.J. has had a friend over since Sunday, so she has not been so "bored", now if her friend would just listen a teeny bit better, we would be great on that front. I sat with the twins today, and had a good time. They are so sweet, one year old now, and crawling all over the place. I took a bunch of pictures of them while I was there, they were so good that all I had to do is crawl after them and snap picture after picture. Of course with toddlers, about the time you snap the picture, they turn and the shot isn't to good, but if you take enough you get some real good shots. I stayed around after their parents and big sister got back long enough for them to download the pictures to their computer before I left. They are such great people, and I love kids, so watching their kids is fun for me every now and then. It is almost like therapy for me to be around the babies, I mean, how can the hardships of life get you down, when you are watching little ones just keep going and learning and developing? We should be like them, just keep going, after we vent, just keep learning. Learning what God wants us to do or be, what is our path in his eyes? You can learn a lot from watching children of almost any age. And I am trying to open my eyes, and heart for these life lessons that I am so blessed to have.
Count your blessings every day, and thank the Good Lord that he gave them to you. I know I am bless and thank God for all he has given me.
God Bless,
Judy

Feeling better today.

Today has been a good day, even though Becky called and said she and her dad and his girlfriend ran out of gas and wanted to know if I would take them some. She doesn't realise that her step dad is the one who was so generous, because I didn't have the money. They gave me some for gas and my trouble but it wasn't enough to mess with, plus that only left enough to barely get them back to the gas station, so my husband filled my car up as well as adding to how much they asked us to get for them. He is such a generous man, and I am bless to have him as my husband. He does all he can to take care of me and our family.

Last night after I posted, I decided that I was going to go to my church's web page and listen to the sermon that I had missed Sunday night because of B.J.'s knee hurting, and man, it was like just what I needed to hear. It was titled "Walking Faithfully with God" and it touched on a lot of the fears I was having about my faith and if it was strong enough. It was almost like God was talking to my heart and put it in my head to listen to that sermon for help. I feel much better about my faith, and dealing with what may come in the future. If you want to hear some real good messages, I would suggest going to the link on this page for Lomax Church of Christ and find the link for audio sermons, they upload our sermons so they can be listened to online, or even downloaded to be listened to whenever. I know that if something comes up to where I can't make it to church, I can go to this site and listen to it a day or so. Such a blessing to have such resources.

Well, I am going to go for now,
May God Bless you all,
Judy

A bout of depression.

Why is it that about the time you think, "Hey, I made it through the rough part, and I am okay", something happens to knock you through a loop and back into the spiral of depression and sadness? It has been a year and almost 2 months since John earned his angel wings and for the most part the last month or so didn't seem so bad, though I miss him every day and think of him almost every minute, my moods were stabilized and I was thinking that, hey, okay, the hard part is over. Then, the one person in my family that can really just drive me nuts, decides to go live with her dad, my ex, and lets me know she blames me for having to move over there because I wouldn't let her move back in here because of the things she chooses to do. That I didn't do enough to help her find a job, or anything else for that matter. She knew what a hit it would be on me, for her to move back over there since he had hit her before, and left her more or less homeless when she turned 18, and made her do things illegal to make ends meet. I am so scared for her, but also I am scared for me. I know she is an adult and has to make her choices, and make her own way through her life, and I can handle that and the knowledge that she may or may not do something that is illegal or immoral. Everyone has to make their life their own way, and I realise that. But what scares me most is the fear of losing her in a more final way, death. I just do not know if I can handle that emotionally or spiritually right now. I am unsure of my strength as a christian to bear another hit like that. I know God has a plan, and can see the "Big Picture", and that everything happens according to that. I know I love Him and I have faith in his works, but I am scared of the strength of my faith not being enough yet since my return to God is in a so called juvenile stage. I just pray that God gives me the strength I need to get through this. The last day or two have been so hard, the tears just pour out at the slightest thing, I am having trouble sleeping again, and I am just so unsure. I hate this feeling, and I am trying to deal with it, but man it has been one of those really rough patches. I have been told that things like this will happen, and I know I will always have some of these feelings. But when does it really get better? When will I feel normal again? When, When, When... the questions just go on. I don't know the answers, and I don't know if the answer will ever come, but I just pray for the strength and comfort I need from God right now. Lord, please help me with dealing with these emotions, I feel like I am drowning in them.
Well, I pray everyone out there in blog land is having a much better day than me, and I pray that my friends fighting FA, or cancer, or any other issues will be guided by God's loving hands.
May God bless you.
Until next time,
Judy

Really missing my boy.

Hello

Hello again. Hope all out in blog land are doing okay. It is almost 12 midnight and I can't sleep. Once again, Becky has gotten under my skin and I am having trouble sleeping and keeping from crying. She has decided that she is going to live with her dad again. And she also made me feel like it is all my fault just because I took a firm hand with her and wouldn't let her move back in because of the choices she made about who she befriended, and what she did. She even said that she didn't have a choice, that she had to go live with him because she didn't have anyplace else to go. I just pray that one day she understands that I am just trying to let her live her life and learn how to take care of herself. I can't let someone who has no regards for rules or laws live with my family. I have a younger daughter that doesn't need that kind of influence named B.J. who is on the right track, with school, with God, and with life so far. Anyway, I know God knows what is going on, and I know that he will take care of us if we have faith, and let him into our lives which I have. I just pray that Becky finds the peace and serenity that God can give that nobody else can, and gives herself back to Him.

If you have the time, watch the slide show, there are a couple new pics of B.J. that I took. I love them. The picture in the header of my blog I took as well. If I had the funds for the equipment and for tuition I would seriously consider going to photography school. Oh well, maybe someday. Until then I will just enjoy taking pictures as a hobby. Well, I will close for now.
God Bless and take care,
Judy

Wow, it has been one long weekend!

Well, it has been a long weekend. B.J. fell on Friday and hurt her knee, and dealing with that and having to wait on her almost hand and foot has made for a very long and tiresome weekend, but we went to the doctors and at least it isn't broken, and doesn't look injured to badly. It does have fluid built up in it and the doctor put her on crutches and antibiotics to make sure the fluid doesn't set up infection, as well as pain relief. If the fluid doesn't go down by Friday of this week, then he will remove it by needle aspiration. The funny part is watching her try to use the crutches, she tends to be a little clumsy on her own two feet, let alone trying to use the crutches. But anyway we are dealing with it and with God's help, it will heal up soon. At least that is my prayer. She has Church camp in a few weeks and needs to be up to par by then.

I want to ask for continued prayer for my friends, the Litchfields. They are struggling with the relapse and all, and are looking at 4 to 6 weeks inpatient, probably soon. They will find out more tomorrow, when they meet with the team again to discuss plans. Just please keep them in your prayers.

I am doing okay, had a few bad days lately with being down some. I think one thing that is flaring up the sadness and worrying is the fact that Becky is still down with her father, and I haven't talked to her in over a week except for one email she sent me last Wednesday. I worry about her, but I know I have to let her live her life her way. I just wish I knew she was okay, really okay. But I just have to trust that God is looking out for her, even if she doesn't like me talking about God and what I believe. She has pushed God away, even before John died, but more since. I just pray she finds her way back to him. Other than that, things are pretty good. I took some pictures of B.J. and one of her friends last Thursday, and will try to post a couple soon. We had fun doing that and then they swam for a little while in the creek.

Well, it is late, and I am going to close for now,
God Bless you all,
Judy