Well, things are going a little better here. I am dealing with the feelings better now. Other than the boy I baby sit still being just awful, and not minding, things are going a little smoother. I think it helped that Becky and I went out and had a good day away from home. We got back before she had to be in school, and we laughed so hard and for so long just being goofy, that I thought my cheeks would cramp up on me! It was so fun just goofing off and being silly for a while. I always heard that laughter is the best medicine, and I do believe that it is some pretty powerful stuff! HA! I recommend that everyone try it for a while, just be silly and goofy and laugh! See if it helps you like it did me.

Well, tomorrow is Easter Sunday here, and after Church we are going to my moms to have lunch together as a family. I am looking forward to it, that is for sure.

Well, that is about it for now, May God bless you all!
Judy

Sometimes I really wish I could just go and find a cave to crawl into and hide! I am about aggravated with the 4 year old that I am watching today. He won't behave, he keeps trying to push my buttons and I am having a hard time not bending him over my knee and spanking him like he is my own kid. I really am getting angry with him. Thank goodness that I don't have him tomorrow!!!!!! I don't think I could handle it at all.

Other than that things are about the same, just trying to work through the feelings I get during this time of year. It is almost like a count down, but instead of it being a count down to something good, it is a countdown to a bad memory. The memory of loosing my little John, to the day that God called him home and away from me. The day my heart was shattered into a million pieces. For most Americans it is just known as tax day, the day that income tax returns are supposed to be done. But to me it is the 15TH, the day my son died. The closer that day gets, the more on edge I feel, the more agitated I get, and the more I just want to find that cave and hide forever. I know he is "in a better place", but that doesn't mean that it is any easier for me. It is just not right for a parent to have to bury their child.

God help me through this, please.
Judy

Hello again.

Hello again. I know, it has been a while, but the only thing I can say is that Spring seems to be one of the hardest times for me. Mainly April, and of course September. I have been thinking about John a lot lately, and have been struggling a little with some depression. But I am managing it, with the help of a lot of friends shoulders to cry on. It is just so hard to believe that in 12 days it will be 2 years since my little boy died. I think it really hit home when I found out that a young lady at Church is expecting about that time. It is just hard. I miss him bringing me the daffodils and tulips that are bent over from my yard and giving them to me. I just see them in the yard and tears come to my eyes. I know, this is all normal, but it still hurts. To be honest, IT SUCKS!!!!!!!! He would be 13 now, an actual teenager, had he made it through his treatment. I know he is no longer hurting, and is healed in heaven, but my heart is still broken, and I sometimes wonder if it will ever be any better. I know I will always love him and miss him, but will it ever be easy to see other people that are the age he would be and not lose it in one way or another? Spring used to be one of my favorite seasons, now I just don't know how I feel about it. Spring to me used to be about things coming back to life, turning green and all, but now it reminds me of the death of my baby boy. Man this really sucks sometimes. God help me, my strength isn't to good right now.
Till next time,
May God bless us all,
Judy

Wow

Well, wow just about sums it up. We had over 600 attendees at our youth rally this year. It felt so good to help with the Lords work, and working with the registration team. My mom and I worked the numbers after each group got signed in, mom would count the numbers in each age group, and then the totals, and I input it into the spreed sheet so that we would know how many were there after every group. We did it this way for the first time this year, so that the kitchen team would know how many they needed to prepare for for the snack times last night as well as for all the meals and snack times today. In previous years, the total wouldn't be tallied until the end of the registration process and it was all added by hand. This way, we tallied each group as they came in, and the computer did the tally for us. SO MUCH EASIER!!!!!!!!! We are planning on doing it this way again next year. I got to listen to a little of the singing and devotions off and on, as they had a live feed to our christian service center. God has blessed our church to be able to do the youth rally every year for 13 years now. There have been members of our church who would be visiting other churches in surrounding states, as well as in Tennessee, who said that when he mentioned where they attended Church, the other people would know that it was the Church that has the youth rally every year. It is known about now in about 5 states. I just think that is the coolest thing. We have churches that plan on coming every year, they plan it as a normal activity in their churches youth groups. I just can't express how exciting it is, and how full of the Lords love I feel after being a part of it all. I know, I am babbling a bit, but I am just so upbeat about it all, as well as blown away by it all.
Well, I pray you all are as blessed as I feel!
With Loads of Love,
Judy