Sometimes I really wish I could just go and find a cave to crawl into and hide! I am about aggravated with the 4 year old that I am watching today. He won't behave, he keeps trying to push my buttons and I am having a hard time not bending him over my knee and spanking him like he is my own kid. I really am getting angry with him. Thank goodness that I don't have him tomorrow!!!!!! I don't think I could handle it at all.
Other than that things are about the same, just trying to work through the feelings I get during this time of year. It is almost like a count down, but instead of it being a count down to something good, it is a countdown to a bad memory. The memory of loosing my little John, to the day that God called him home and away from me. The day my heart was shattered into a million pieces. For most Americans it is just known as tax day, the day that income tax returns are supposed to be done. But to me it is the 15TH, the day my son died. The closer that day gets, the more on edge I feel, the more agitated I get, and the more I just want to find that cave and hide forever. I know he is "in a better place", but that doesn't mean that it is any easier for me. It is just not right for a parent to have to bury their child.
God help me through this, please.
Judy
1 comment:
Dear Judy,
I am so sorry this part of the year is really difficult for you. Of course, it is natural for you to feel this way. My love, you never have to justify your feelings with mentioning that you know John is in a better place but it is still hard for you. We know that you know John is with Jesus. However, Jesus also knows that for us, that doesn't matter because we will still grieve for our loved one here on Earth. I know that for someone who doesn't know Jesus, death is a cruel thing and Jesus takes away the sting of death.....spiritual death for us and we know we will see our loved one again. However, that often doesn't take away the sting of physical death. So no matter how well John is now with Jesus, we will feel the grief of his physical death and it is devastating for us. I know I feel that about my brother all the time. I know at special times in the year, I feel devastated even though I know Shannon knew Jesus and would be with Him now. I have peace knowing Shannon is with Jesus but I still feel the devastation over his physical death and how that affects me. My love, I just want you to know that I understand and you are allowed to feel these feelings because only when we are with Jesus and face to face with our loved ones again, will the sting of physical death be gone. I want to send you a hug.....(((HUG))). I love you and am thinking and praying for you.
Love Charisse
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