Hello again

Hello again! Just a little note to let every one know that I am still around. I am going to be going to the tech school probably tomorrow to see if I can find out if I am going to school in May or September. I am getting anxious to start school, and also a little afraid of starting. The sooner I find out, and can start planning and actually start going the better I will feel, I think anyway.

I have been doing the same things. Mainly sitting around the house, but also participating in a Russian Class at the church. The Missionaries that the church sponsors in Russia has to come home for 3 months. Russian laws have changed to where missionaries have to spend 3 months out of Russia, for every 3 months in the Russia. Our church also participates in the Lad's to Leaders/Leaderettes program, and they have a second language program, so the Pfaffs are now teaching us Russian Bible verses and some things that if we were to ever meet a person from Russia, we could at least help them or understand what they need a little better. I may never use the knowledge that I am attaining, but I am enjoying it very much. I don't have anyone to study with after classes, but hey, I am still giving it my best and enjoying the time in class, and with the teens that I am taking the class with. They are doing so well, and I am very proud of them.

Well, tonight I have church, so I had better get the roast on and get some stuff done around here so that we won't be overwhelmed trying to get it all done before church or after we get home. Take care and God bless,

Judy

Hello all.

Well, it has been a little while, but things are okay here. The Ronald McDonald house telethon was Saturday, and it was good. My husband and I did cry during the clip that I taped. They edited parts of the last telethon that John and I did, and it even had his voice on it. When we heard his voice, that just about did us in. But it was good, and I hope that it help to raise money for the RMH. That was my reason for doing it, to try to inspire people to donate to this great place.

Other than that I am just waiting to find out when I start school. If there is an opening during the summer trimester, I will start May 4Th, but if there isn't an opening, it will be September 1st. I am hoping for May, the sooner I get in, the sooner I will graduate and hopefully get a good job with decent benefits. A start at a more financially stable future for me and my family, that is my goal. Plus getting a job, or career, that I can enjoy, be proud of, and that will allow us to get some things we want, not just what we need. I wish I would have thought of all this stuff when I was younger, but I wouldn't change a thing because that would change my family, and kids, and I don't want that.

Well that is about it for now, May God bless us all.
Judy

Well, today has been better than I expected. I am still a little emotional, but it is okay. I helped a friend this morning, she is a teacher and Tcaps (state mandated testing) are this week, so I went and helped her in her class. My "job" was to help keep the kids focused on the test. She only has 5 kids in her class during the testing, and I mainly helped one of them to stay focused on the test. After that, my mom and I went out and bought a flower arrangement for John's head stone and we visited the grave site for a while. My husband met us out there. I still try to keep busy so that I won't focus on the fact that I miss him.

Other than that, I haven't done to much. Tonight is Church, I look forward to the Wednesday night Ladies Bible class. We are learning about becoming more like Christ by studying the "B-attitudes" and it is a very interesting book. The ladies that attend the class are just wonderful ladies and I admire each and every one of them.

Well that about does it for now, I will post again some other time.
God bless you all,
Judy

Wow, it is so hard to believe.....

Tomorrow, at around 12 o'clock in the afternoon, it will be 2 years since my son lost his battle with Fanconi Anemia, and complications from his bone marrow transplant. Two years since I had to make the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life, to stop life support. I find myself feeling more down and close to tears as the days count down. I still check on a lot of other kids that have FA and have gone through transplant, and made it, or haven't had their transplant yet, and most of the time I am glad to see that more and more of them are making it through the treatment. But then there are other times that I can't check on the ones that are doing well because I get to feeling jealous, wondering why my son had to die from it all. Why didn't he make it through? I know that God has taken him home to be in heaven, but the selfish part of me wants him back. I miss him as much as the day he died, and I think that I will always miss him so much that my heart actually aches from wanting him here with me. I sometimes wonder what he would be like now. He would be 13 years old now, a teenager. He would be almost through the 7Th grade. Would his voice be changing yet, or would he be starting to get facial hair. Would he be starting to notice the girls, and would he be so shy that he couldn't talk to them, or would he be confident enough to just go up to them and start talking to them. I see other kids his age doing some of these things and it makes me miss him even more. I just hope that with more time, I will be able to think about these things without getting so down and upset, with tears flowing down my face. Only time will tell.
May God bless us all,
Judy