Well, the 4TH is over.

Yes, the 4th of July is over. I am so thankful for the freedoms we have and the men and women who gave their time and lives to ensure those freedoms. I am thankful that we can go to church without being persecuted, and gather with family and even shoot fireworks without worrying about freedoms. but I am tired and would like to get some sleep tonight so I hope all the firework fanatics will be done with them until next year. You really know you are getting old when you want peace and quite shortly after dark. LOL. But honestly, I haven't felt that well the last couple days, and would like to get some sleep before 12 or 1 tonight so that maybe I will feel more human tomorrow.

I miss John a lot right now, maybe because he enjoyed being able to just go outside and look over the trees and see the neighbors fireworks until late during the independence day celebrations. Maybe just because I still have spells missing him a lot. I often wonder how he would be doing in school now, if he had lived he would be starting High School this fall. I often wonder if he would be attracted to the girls yet and if so what type of girl he would have his eye on. What would he want to be, and how many times he would change his mind on his future goals. But these are a lot of things that I will not be able to share with him. I won't be able to watch him grow up and make mistakes and laugh, and cry with him. I won't be able to see him drive off to his first date, or his first prom, or graduate or anything like that. All I can do now is try to remember everything I can about him, and who he was and what he did while he was here on Earth with us. I still get so very angry, especially when I see parents who don't care about their kids. I did care, I did love, I still love all my kids. Why, oh why did mine have to go at such a tender age? I know God has his reasons, and I know I will find them out one day. But sometimes it is hard not to be angry and hurt, and miss him so much that it is hard to function.
May God give me the strength to keep on keeping on,
Good night,
Judy