Hello all!

Hello all, things are better now. Becky called and said she was sorry, and I am working on getting over it. She hurt my feelings pretty bad, and it will take a while for me to get over it. Other than that things are fine. B.J. has a couple of friends over for the night, and they are playing in her room. I am dog sitting for my mom. My dad and mom went on a motorcycle trip to Pigeon Forge, and I am watching their dog for them. I don't really like to since I am very allergic to dogs, and he is a house dog, but as long as it isn't more than a couple days I will be okay I guess. They are going to have to start to house him elsewhere if I start having more trouble with my allergies. My husband is working as usual, and hasn't got home yet. So that about sums it all up. Hope all is well with everyone out there in blog land.
God Bless,
Judy

AHHHH!

Man, I wish I knew when my oldest daughter would grow up a little and quit making my life so hard. She talked to her dad (my first husband) and he put it in her head that the back child support that I am getting should be given to her or used to pay her car loan. She got the loan, she should have to pay for it, if you ask me. And besides that, the money I get usually goes to get her to work, or help her with groceries, or to help pay for gas to take her to the doctors and all that kind of stuff. I guess she thinks that all the driving around is free, even though gas is at $3.50/gallon now. She has no sense of how much it costs for me to drive to her house, take her where she needs to go, take her home and then come back home. It is definitely not free!!!!!!! Then I told her that the back support was for when they were under the age of 18 and in school, and my husband and I had to pay for everything because he wasn't paying it, and that the law states that it is due to me, not her, then she really started being mean and saying things to hurt my feelings. She didn't have to go without anything, except maybe some non-essential things she wanted, but not anything she needed, but that wasn't good enough for her. She gets made that just because we are now able to do more for B.J. since all our other kids are out of the house or has died, and she thinks we should do the same for her. I don't know how many times my undergarments had big holes in them because we bought stuff for her that she needed and I had to use what I had even if it was about to fall apart, but to her that doesn't matter as long as she gets what she wants. She just breaks my heart sometimes. The things she says to me, and the way she says them, make me wonder what I did wrong while I was raising her. I did everything I could for her, just like my other kids, and she thinks I still owe her more. That every bad decision she made was my fault because I didn't understand her. That I shouldn't have disciplined her just because she broke the rules. How unrealistic is that? Man, I am really in a bummed out mood now because of how she treats me. In one sense I just want to let her go and not answer the phone when she calls, and just say, "Fine, because I am such a lousy mother, go find your own way, but do not call me and ask for anything." But then I feel guilty for thinking that way, after all she is my daughter, and I shouldn't just push her aside that way regardless of how she treats me. I just do not know what to do anymore. I feel like a failure where she is concerned. I just feel, I don't know, like I should be able to help her more. But I am doing all I can. She made her decisions, and I can't have her taking from us to the point of not being able to support B.J. like I should. She wants to be an adult, but then again, she complains that a 19 year old shouldn't have to pay their own way.
Oh dear Lord, help me with this!! I don't know what to do.
Having a rough day,
Judy

Stomach bug hits me hard.

Well, Sorry I haven't been posting much. Not much happening except for the stomach bug that hit me Friday evening and I am just starting to feel a little more normal today. I hate it when I get sick, and this hasn't been fun. But I am surviving and I will be all better soon, hopefully anyway. Other than that things have been rather peaceful here. B.J. and I had a great mother-daughter day yesterday. She is 14 years and 4 months now, and she has her 8Th grade prom this weekend, so I decided since she has been asking about make-up and stuff that it was time. So, we went and got some of the powder foundation that matched her complexion, and some other stuff and had a make-over so to speak. I taught her how to use it in a natural way so that she didn't look "made up". We painted her toenails blue, and put some clear on her fingernails, and even fixed her hair. She looked natural, and of course beautiful, and we had a good time together. I can't believe she is getting so grown up. Next year she starts high school, then in 4 years she will start college, and I can't hardly believe she is old enough to do all these things. They grow up so fast. I just wish sometimes that I could see John grow up and go to school activities, and graduate, but that just wasn't meant to be. He would be 12 1/2 now, had he made it through the transplant, or I guess I should say FA since that is where it all started anyway. But he is healed now, and missed by many, loved by more, and safely in God's hands now and that is just how it is. Yes, I am missing him a lot today. I got my video camera out and realized that it has been since he passed away and I came home since I had it out. I rewound the tape that was in it, and watched it and realized that it was the last Christmas that we spent together. Me, my husband, B.J. and John in room 6301 of VCH myleosuppression unit. Yes, more tears, some of happiness of fond memories, some of wishing we could have more of those great times. It is funny how you remember things in small ways. I guess it is God's way of helping us work through these sometimes hard feelings and hard times. What do you think? I think we all need to step back, take time to love each other, especially family and friends, and quit taking life for granted. We never know what tomorrow will bring. Hug your kids, family, and friends, and make sure they know how much they mean to you! And thank God for every minute you have with them, even if you may be fussing, or not getting along! You never know if you will have another chance to say, "No matter what, I will always love you!"
Thankful for every Blessing God has given me,
God bless you all,
Judy

P.S. By the way, I added a couple pictures to the slideshow, so if you have time, check them out.

We made it through

Hello friends, just a post to let you all know that we made it through yesterday. We had some emotional times of course, but the day went pretty well all in all. I helped with the T-caps (state tests), then we went to get some new flowers for John's grave site. After we had them and had bought a beautiful figurine, my husband and I went to the cemetery to place them on his headstone. Yes, I cried my eyes out for a while, but it is okay. I just miss him so much sometimes, and being at the cemetery just pounds the fact that he has moved on to be with God into my heart, and sometimes it just hurts to be reminded in such a way. Am I making any sense? I don't know, but after we left the cemetery we went out to lunch, and then spent the rest of the day just hanging around the house. My husband had taken the day off work, both to deal with emotions himself and to make sure I was okay as well. I think we were both worried about the other dealing to be honest. But anyway, it is all things that we have to deal with on a daily basis. Some days are good, and some are just okay, and of course some are really very bad, but we will survive the pain, and with God's continued comforting hands, and His unending love, we will go on. With God, all things are possible! So we go on, and do what we can to make both God and John proud of us. Well, I need to get some work done around here, so I will go for now.
God Bless you all,
Judy

Well, hello again.

Well, hello again my blogger friends! Sorry I haven't posted lately, there really hasn't been to much to post. Just doing housework, and taking care of my family and going to Church. I have to admit, tonight I am a little emotional and teary eyed, but I guess that is to be expected with tomorrow being the 1 year anniversary of John's death. I thought I was doing well, but as the evening goes on the tears are getting a little closer to the surface, and starting to stream down my face. I miss him so much, and I know that this is normal, but I just wonder when it will be more manageable. When I will be able to face the 15Th of April and not dread it and just want to sleep through it? I know he is better off where he is, and I also know that he is not in any more pain, but I know I am and my family as well I am sure. I just pray that God will hold us in his arms and help us through these difficult times while we try to move on without his smile, and mischievous nature keeping us happy and smiling. Well, I did decide that I needed to do something tomorrow and the rest of the week, so when a friend of mine asked if I could assist in her class during T-cap testing this week I said yes. She only has a few kids, since they are some of the special kids with handicaps and such, and I will be monitoring the class and making sure things go as they are supposed to I guess. This is my first time to assist, and I feel that it is part of our civic duties to help if we can with this important school test that is a state mandatory test, so I am a little nervous but then again excited about it as well. So wish me luck, and say a prayer for me and my family as this week will probably be a hard one to deal with.
May God Bless you all,
Judy

Hello again!

Well, since the last post, B.J. and I went to her Pulmonologist (sp?), and he gave us good news, her asthma is under control with the medicines he has her on, and he has released her to her Primary Doctor, and we don't have to go back to Nashville unless it gets out of control and we have worries. YEAH!!!!!! It was a long day, but with news like that I can handle it. I visited with John's transplant team while we were up there, and visited the nurses on the Myleosuppression (sp?) unit that took care of him as well. They all looked great and a couple of them are now expecting babies! It was good to see them. It did kind of bother me the way they would say,"How are you?" and look at me like they were looking for a crack in my emotions, but they were just concerned I guess with it just being 12 more days until John's one year anniversary of death. Yes, that is hard to type and think about sometimes, but it is the facts and I know in my heart that he is where he is supposed to be. All things happen for a reason, and that is for God to deal with, so I just go on one day at a time. I still have B.J. to finish raising, and my oldest children to be here for emotional support and occasionally financially as well. The tears still come occasionally, but I guess that is to be expected, that is what I am told anyway, but there are also good memories to have and more to make as well. So, all in all, I am doing great! It takes a lot of deep breaths and Bible reading sometimes to get through, as well as prayers and support from friends, but with God, I will be okay. Well, it is about time to start supper, so I guess I had better get off this computer and get the food on!
Until next time may God bless you all,
Judy