AHHHH!

Man, I wish I knew when my oldest daughter would grow up a little and quit making my life so hard. She talked to her dad (my first husband) and he put it in her head that the back child support that I am getting should be given to her or used to pay her car loan. She got the loan, she should have to pay for it, if you ask me. And besides that, the money I get usually goes to get her to work, or help her with groceries, or to help pay for gas to take her to the doctors and all that kind of stuff. I guess she thinks that all the driving around is free, even though gas is at $3.50/gallon now. She has no sense of how much it costs for me to drive to her house, take her where she needs to go, take her home and then come back home. It is definitely not free!!!!!!! Then I told her that the back support was for when they were under the age of 18 and in school, and my husband and I had to pay for everything because he wasn't paying it, and that the law states that it is due to me, not her, then she really started being mean and saying things to hurt my feelings. She didn't have to go without anything, except maybe some non-essential things she wanted, but not anything she needed, but that wasn't good enough for her. She gets made that just because we are now able to do more for B.J. since all our other kids are out of the house or has died, and she thinks we should do the same for her. I don't know how many times my undergarments had big holes in them because we bought stuff for her that she needed and I had to use what I had even if it was about to fall apart, but to her that doesn't matter as long as she gets what she wants. She just breaks my heart sometimes. The things she says to me, and the way she says them, make me wonder what I did wrong while I was raising her. I did everything I could for her, just like my other kids, and she thinks I still owe her more. That every bad decision she made was my fault because I didn't understand her. That I shouldn't have disciplined her just because she broke the rules. How unrealistic is that? Man, I am really in a bummed out mood now because of how she treats me. In one sense I just want to let her go and not answer the phone when she calls, and just say, "Fine, because I am such a lousy mother, go find your own way, but do not call me and ask for anything." But then I feel guilty for thinking that way, after all she is my daughter, and I shouldn't just push her aside that way regardless of how she treats me. I just do not know what to do anymore. I feel like a failure where she is concerned. I just feel, I don't know, like I should be able to help her more. But I am doing all I can. She made her decisions, and I can't have her taking from us to the point of not being able to support B.J. like I should. She wants to be an adult, but then again, she complains that a 19 year old shouldn't have to pay their own way.
Oh dear Lord, help me with this!! I don't know what to do.
Having a rough day,
Judy