Happy Halloween!

Okay, I am a day early, but Happy Halloween all the same. Trunk or treat was a blast, and I had a real good time as did B.J. even though she really didn't need to be out in the chill. She was still sick from Thursday, but I let her go anyway. I had to take her to the clinic for a thyroid ultrasound, but I also ended up having the doctor look at her again, and sure enough I was right. She wasn't better, she was worse, so she ended up getting a shot of rocephine and decadron (sp?) plus another antibiotic. It seems to be working, she wasn't as congested and the cough has subsided also. Now my oldest daughter is sick and had to have a shot today too. The weather has been so back and forth lately that it is really getting people sick with the cold like stuff and the flu. Already the flu has been rough this year with a lot of kids and adults getting sick. Oh well, God will take care of it all in his own time. We have decided to have B.J. checked by a specialist since her asthma is flaring more and more and harder to control. I told her Primary Doctor that I would feel better if she saw a pediatric specialist that deals with Asthma and lung function to make sure she is okay and to better control her symptoms. She has already missed over 12 days of school and it has only been about 11 weeks of school. That is not good in my book, she makes great grades in school and I do not want to risk her slipping in her studies because of missing due to asthma. A mothers work is never done, HA.

Other than all that things are going well, and life goes on. I got a little down last night, regretting not having that Family Photo made before John's GVHD flared up so bad and he passed away. My husband and B.J. don't like to have their pictures made and I told them that was to bad, that I waited to long and missed the chance to get one while John was alive, I wouldn't make that mistake again. I am going to start checking around for prices for a professional photo of my family and I will hog tie them kicking and screaming if I have to but I will get my family shot one way or another. That is my biggest regret right now, that I don't have my family picture with John in it. Breaks my heart when I think about it. But anyway, Life goes on, and I do have some good pictures of John and may have my favorite in the picture with us.

Well, I need to go for now, I have to take B.J. her next dose of medicine in a little while and I have to shower first. May God bless and keep you all.

Judy

Busy, Busy, Busy

Well, it has been a week since I last posted, and things are about the same. We have just been going through life one day at a time. My husband's court date with his ex-wife about child support is over and it came out okay. My step son who will be 18 tomorrow but still in the 9Th grade we have to continue to pay support on until he graduates or turns 21, so unless he fails again or drops out we will be paying support for about 3 more years. But the oldest one was classified as emancipated and we no longer have to pay support on him. It turned out okay, I do believe that as divorced parents should pay support, but not after they become adults. But the law was fair about it and we are happy with the results, and that is all I will say on that matter for now.

B.J. is sick again, stuffy and coughing and wheezing and all that stuff. I took her to the doctor yesterday and he gave her antibiotics and did blood work and is checking her thyroid as well. He said he would just feel better with all that she has been through, the mono, the illnesses and such, that he wanted to make sure so I guess eventually he will check every little thing. It is good that he cares so much, but I just wish he was a little better at explaining his reasoning for it all.

Becky is trying to get a place of her own. She will probably have to get a place through public housing since she makes so little at her job, but as long as she is happy and can make it and is as safe as anyone can be in the world today than I am happy and will help as best I can. It does still bother me emotionally that we can't get along well enough for her to stay home until she can support herself, but we are both strong willed women and want it to be our own way and not the others, and it is my house and she won't do it my way. So it is the best solution for us both. Since she moved out and we have talked it out a little, we both realize that it is for the best that she not live with me. I love her as much as I love all my children, but she is enough like me and way to much like her dad, that we just can't get along when being in the same house for more than a day or so. Oh well, at least she is doing well, and seems happy and I guess that is all I can ask for.

I am doing okay, some days of course are harder than others. I keep remembering John last Halloween when he dressed as a vampire. I wish I could have got a picture of it, but we had not been inpatient long and I didn't have my camera with me. I had taken one of him with a disposable camera, but I don't know what happened to it and so I haven't developed it. If I could turn back the clock, I may not change much, but I would have had my camera on and taking more pictures and I would have let people take mine with him and my other kids more. I think that is one of my biggest regrets is that my husband, B.J. and John and I never got around to getting our picture taken together. My hubby hates the camera as much as I do when it is aimed at us. So silly now that I look back.

I have been keeping busy and this next week will be too. We have "trunk or treat" after church Sunday. It is like trick or treating only at the church and we decorate the trunks of our cars and the kids dress up and go around to the cars. More safe than actual trick or treat and fun too. I am dressing up as a witch. Then on Tuesday it is fall festival for the younger kids. B.J. is working it and doing one of the booths. I am making the "fish" that the kids will be fishing for. It is actually a card stock packet with a fish colored on it with a treat inside. I have about 36 more to do, and it can be a pain, but I love it and I think the kids will like it too. Plus we have to make 24 sandwiches to cut in half and serve at the fall festival, plus I am babysitting tomorrow, and possibly next week too. Busy, busy, busy work. I told you I was keeping busy! HAHA.

Well, I am thankful for the fun times, and the busy "normal" life after the time I spent in the Transplant world. It just gets a little hectic sometimes.

May God bless you all,
Judy

Well, today is going well, and the week is almost over. I have been just chilling out at the house this week, taking B.J. back and forth to school, and helping get things ready for Ladies Day at church this Saturday. The last couple days have been pretty good also, I have been more tired, but all in all it has been good. I have noticed that I am more tired and feeling kinda yucky and it dawned on me that my sugars may be off again so I started to check them every day. Yesterday it was 154 about 2 hours after eating. Today, it was 180 something, and I had taken my blood sugar medicine this morning. I am going to have to go to the doctor probably next week, and let him know that since he lowered my dose, my sugars have been higher, and I am feeling it now. I used to be on 3 pills a day, then for some weird reason he dropped it to 1/2 tablet 2 times a day making the dose a pill a day. So needless to say, it may have taken a few months, but my sugars are up and I think that is why I feel so tired, and yucky lately. The life of getting older, HA! I was asked today if I would like to go back to 1995, and I said no way. I have made it this far, I don't want to look back or change anything. I am proud of "getting old" or I guess I should say older. I have raised a great young man in my oldest son, I have gotten my oldest daughter to adulthood and even though she still struggles she is doing okay. I have made it through the death of my youngest son, and helped him through so much until God called him home. And I have a wonderful 13 year old daughter that I am doing everything I can to make her life "normal" and happy. So no, we have made it this far, why go back? I am proud of my age, and accomplishments. So what if I am not rich financially, I am more than rich in many other ways. In the past people were ranked by their character and honesty, it is a shame that people think that money makes you better. The bible even says that it is harder for a rich man to get into the gates of heaven than a poor man. Maybe because a rich man is more modest, giving and faithful to God whereas a rich man tends to be more greedy, conceited and worships his status and money before God. I don't know, this is just my thoughts, but I would rather not have the money, and have a good status with God personally. God will provide me with what I need, so I am not worried about it anyway.
May God bless you all as he has me,
Judy

6 Months

Well, yesterday was the six month mark on John's death and I think I handled it pretty well. I miss him a lot, needless to say, but I am adjusting to life with him not here with me. It was very busy yesterday anyway, I had to take Becky to the doctor, then before she got done B.J. called and needed her inhaler for her asthma. Since the doctor had wanted us to have a recheck on her lungs from the pneumonia last month, I decided to take her to the doctor early instead of waiting until after school. By the time we got there, she was fine again, but by the time I got home I had a headache so bad, I thought my head would explode every time I stood up. It took 4 and 1/2 hours to get in to see the doctor and get out of clinic. All of it just for an ex-ray and to see the doctor for about 5 minutes and to hear she is fine and the attack she had this morning was exercise induced and we did the right thing by just having her take her inhaler treatment. Talk about frustrating! ARGH!!!

Today has been a little tougher, not so much because of being down from missing John, but because one of our little friends we met at the hospital is having some problems and they haven't found out what is going on yet. He had cancer, neuroblastoma I think it was called. He had went into remission, then relapsed, then had more treatment and is now NED which means no evidence of disease. But his platelet levels are dangerously low and I am worried about him and his mom. Please pray for him, as I am doing. They have been through so much in the last couple years.

Another young man, 13 I think, is having some GVHD issues from his BMT. He had leukemia, I don't recall the type, but had a transplant a little more than 7 months or so ago. He was doing great and was home in Kentucky, and started having GVHD of the gut and is now on soft bland diet and back inpatient. They also found out that when discharged they would have to stay in Nashville at RMH. Please be praying for him as well.

So many children sick, with or without cancers or rare diseases. I pray one day that the children will not have to got through stuff like this, that cures will be found and even improved so that it won't be so hard on the kids, and the families. I don't want more mothers to be missing their angels like myself and so many others. But God knows best, and it will be his will that is done.

May God bless you all,
Judy

Girls! Gotta Love them!

B.J. is having 3 of her girlfriends over today and man has it been hectic since we got back from church, but you gotta love them. They are decorating a gingerbread house that B.J. found at the store. It is pretty interesting to say the least. I enjoy having groups of kids over, but sometimes I just have to escape to the Internet to get a little "break" from all the energy.

I am doing well, kept a couple little boys yesterday for some friends and it was fun. I enjoy the toddler years a lot. I know my older kids are not ready to be parents, but boy and I ready to be a grandmother. I want to be able to have them over, spoil them, love them, and help my kids when asked for help. It will be an honor to be a grandmother, that is for sure.

My husband is okay, doing the same old things, working and working. We have time in the evenings to be together, and I love him so much for providing for us. There are a few times that I wish we could take a vacation together, go to a beach somewhere, and just have fun. But he doesn't like going places much, he says he hasn't lost anything there, so he doesn't need to go there. Talk about a homebody! Gotta Love him too! He is priceless to me anyway.

Well that about does it for this go around.
Judy

Fall Break

Hello all, this week is fall break for B.J. and we have just been hanging around the house. She had a friend over Monday and yesterday until about 6pm, and we all had a pretty good time. Laughter was all through the house, I really enjoyed it. They went to the public library while I went grocery shopping, man teenage girls can put the food away! They were constantly hungry, but it was fun.

There isn't to much to really post about, just really laid back right now. I am doing well, still have those days sometimes, but handling it one day at a time. Halloween is coming up and it makes me remember John's last costume. He was inpatient, as a matter of fact tomorrow will be the one year mark for his re-admit from our summer home. It was when we found out about his kidney stones, then he had the compression fractures in his back, and on and on it went. But he let me paint his face real good, he was count Dracula. There was one nurse that had to do a double take because she thought he was about dead! We had a good laugh at that. He was unable to go to the different rooms because of the VRE, but we had the doors open and he got to see the other kids and they got to see him. His doctors loved that he felt up to it. He did tire out but he had a good time. I miss him a lot today, but he is with me in my heart.

My husband is doing okay, working as always, the man never quits working, even when he is home, he is out in his shop doing something. It isn't until about 7pm that he stops working and relaxes with us in front of the TV to watch something together.

My oldest son will be moving into his new house they had built this weekend, YEAH! He works hard and is doing well, I am very proud of him.

Becky is actually doing very well so far. She has been working now for a week, and is learning more stuff at work and they are bragging on how well she is doing. Some people think that fast food work is for the low status people, but the way I look at it, any work is good work. If it wasn't for people who work there, where would the "upper class" people get their food? I am proud of how well she is doing. They have called her into work on her days off twice so far, that is usually a sign of them being pleased with her work. I just hope she learns to manage her money and eventually gets a place of her own. I think it would do her self esteem good to be able to say she is doing it all by herself.

Well, that about does it for now, I have work around the house to do, and tonight is Church so I have a bible lesson to do as well.

God bless, and take care,
Judy

A beautiful day

Hello all, today is a beautiful day, fluffy clouds in the sky, the sun is shinning and Church was great. There was a BBQ that raises money to send Christian youth to Christian Colleges last night, and my daughter and I had the honor of helping work it, serving the guest that came and bought a meal in support of our kids. I enjoy doing things for other people, it makes me proud to be a part of such a great service, and also to see my daughter volunteering to help too. My cup runs over! God is great, and my life is full. Yes, I still miss my son, but I know he is in the glory of God and heaven with all those who have gone to be with God, so I am at ease with it all. All I have to do is look out my window and see the beauty of nature, or look into the eyes of the children at church to see all the glory that is God. I pray that everyone has the chance to see all the glory that is God's work, and that the world becomes a better place with peace and love abounding. But if not, I can wait and do my best to do his glory and when he calls me home have a place in heaven waiting for me. I sing his praises on this beautiful day. Thank you Lord for every blessing.
Judy

Wow, we had a good time last night. B.J. and I went to the teen meal at church, the meal was chili and grilled cheese sandwiches. B.J. decided she wanted to help me, so she stayed in the kitchen and helped to grill the sandwiches. I was so proud of her, people were commenting on how well she was doing. One even asked if she hired out as a grill cheese cook, HA HA! Church afterwards was great also, just one big night of fellowship and worship and learning more about our Lord. What a great way to end an day, huh.

My husband doesn't go to church. He never really has liked going to church. He believes, though he has been struggling with his faith since John's death and he blames God. I pray he realizes that God didn't take him away, he took him home and that John is in a better place and healed.

Becky is now working, at a fast food place, and seems to be doing okay. She is off until Sunday, but hopefully she will be full time before to long. I was her ride home the last couple days, and got there early enough to watch her for a little bit, and she does a good job for only working there for a couple days. I am proud of her for getting the job, she did it all by herself this time. I just pray she does well, and becomes self sufficient.

Well, that about does it for now. May God bless and keep us all,
Judy

Staying busy!

Hello friends, I hope your lives are going well and that everyone is healthy and happy. I am staying busy lately, helping to keep the Christian Service Center at Church clean, taking care of my family and just living life. It is hard after staying away from crowds for so long to get out and be around a lot of people, but it gets easier as time passes by. It has been almost 6 months since John died, and we are dealing okay. I think of him often, and usually with a smile on my face. I was at the store where my mom works today, and the manager said one of the ugly words that people use and I was teasing him about being offended. Then I remembered that John had asked me one time, "Mom, why do you use those words? They don't sound good, and they don't do any good either." So I told the guy about it, and he agreed with me that there just isn't anything to say to that kind of question except that John was right. Since John asked me that question I try my best to not say anything offensive, and not use "ugly" words. It is not worth it to use profanity, it just makes you sound ignorant and just, I don't know how to say it, lowly I guess. People don't even think about it anymore, how offensive it can be, I didn't until my son set me straight. I learned a lot from John, one thing being that kids are a lot smarter and attentive that we may think. I try to listen more and learn more from others because of the time I spent with John during his transplant. Having more patience is another thing I have learned, not just from John, but from all my kids. If you have patience with others, they will be more patient with you. But the most important thing I have learned from the years gone by, is FAITH. Faith that God is always with us and all we have to do is believe and live according to his word. Faith that through him all things are possible, and that even if we don't get the results we want, it is all in accordance to his plan. Life goes on, no matter what happens, and we have to keep our faith and walk the way of the Lord. God never promised that our earthly lives would be a picnic, or without illness. But if we believe, have faith, and do as the Bible tells us to do, his has a city for us to live with him in heaven when we are called home. There will be no tears in heaven, no illnesses, happiness abounding. So I do my best to do as God would want me to, because I know where I want to be. In heaven, with my son, but most of all with my God.

May God bless us all,
and may we all take the time to see his blessings and thank him for them.
Judy