Well, here we are, just about ready to start a new year. 3 more days and it will be 2008, and a New Year will start with John not in it. In a way I am ready for a new year, but then again, it will be the first year since 1995 that John will not be here at all except in spirit. I know it seems weird, but I feel almost worse with this "holiday" than with Christmas. In a way, I don't want the new year to start, and then again, after all that happened in 2007, with John's death and all the firsts after that, I am ready to have a better year. There are still a few firsts to go through, the first Easter, the first Valentines, and the First Anniversary of his death, but on we go and we just try to get through it. I still am not sleeping to well, I was up last night not able to sleep and just seeing his picture brought tears to my eyes, and I am still teary eyed today. I am watching a friends little boy today, he is 3, and I am finding it a little hard sometimes. He tends to think he is the boss, and he acts like he is about 7 and I get frustrated easily right now. He is a good kid, but you can definitely tell he is spoiled rotten at home and thinks he can tell the adults what to do, so I have to remind him that I the boss and that he has to mind me. I also have to remind myself that just because he talks and acts like he is older, he is only 3 and may not realize what he is saying. Just kinda hard to deal with right now, but I can manage, just keep telling my self to just breathe.
Well, B.J. is 14 now, we had cake and ice-cream last night and celebrated her birthday. It is hard to believe that she is almost old enough to drive. She is growing up so fast. I just pray she stays healthy and doesn't grow up to fast. I still need my little girl for a while, I missed so much while I was away with John's transplant and all. I feel almost guilty about that. Sometimes life for moms isn't all fun and games, you know what I mean? She is great though and that is was matters.
Becky is doing okay in her new place, and my son is doing okay as well.
So that about does it for today, May God bless and keep us all,
Live, Laugh, and Love, and thank God for the blessings in our lives,
Judy
1 comment:
Hmm...I wrote a comment but it was deleted so I will write again.
Judy, my heart goes out to you as I read your journal. The sorrow really comes out in your writing which is good...it is good to express it otherwise it will build up and be unbearable. I wanted to say I am really sorry that it is so tough! I can understand your confusion of wanting to start a fresh New Year and then not wanting to because John won't be in it for the first time! I am here to say I love you and that I am thinking and praying for you and always here if you ever just want to chat.
Lots of love,
Charisse
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