Only 5 more days

It is hard to believe that it is only 5 more days until we celebrate the birth of Christ with Christmas. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that the year is almost gone and a New Year will soon start, this one being the first full year without my baby. I miss him so much. I am trying to honor him by living life and taking one day at a time, but to be honest with myself and others I must admit that I am finding it harder and harder every passing day not to just sit and cry, and wonder why. Why my child had to die before me, why my young daughter must feel the pain of loss at such a tender age, just why? I know that God has a plan, and I know that John is with him and in a much better place than any of us, and I am thankful that John isn't in any pain any more. But I am human, so the selfish part of me misses him so bad that it literally hurts. I am not sleeping well again, and that doesn't help much either. But I still pray to God for peace and I know that it will be better someday.

My Becky is now in her own place. I am proud, and I hated to "push" her out, but it was time she learned to depend on herself and pay her own way. Also, she needed to feel independent and know that she could do it. I think it will help her to understand how I felt when she was living here, and it will also help her self esteem as well.

B.J. is doing okay, she has two friends over and I think that is part of her way of dealing with missing John. But it doesn't help me much with all the noise and stuff. But I love her and she needs this right now, so I will deal with it.

Well, I need to go for now,
God bless you all,
Judy