Hard days

Today has been a hard day for me. I don't know why, maybe because I haven't slept to well the last couple nights plus the fact that yesterday was the day John would have turned 12 had he not died. I miss him a lot, especially on the special days. I know I will be okay, and that I have a lot more firsts without John. There is still Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas this year alone, not to mention the Holidays in the New Year. Every time I think about the fact that yesterday was John's Birthday, I tear up and get so emotional. I don't even feel up to going to Church tonight. I know I should go, but I have no more energy today. It was hard enough to just get up to take B.J. to school and pick her up. Then there was cooking and stuff to be done today. I just feel wiped out. I may try to go to bed early tonight, if I can get to sleep. The stress of the last to days have really took its toll on me.

B.J. seems to be doing okay. I think she is going through some of the same emotions that I am, but she tends to keep things to herself and not talk about it. I see she is holding something in, but I will ask her about it when I am a little more stable myself so that I can support her. It shouldn't take but a day or two, or I pray it doesn't anyway.

It seems like the last 5 1/2 months have just flown by. I can hardly believe that October is almost on us. Three quarters of the year is gone, and it seems like I just came home without John a few days ago. Does it get any easier? I don't know. I thought it had there for a while, maybe I was wrong, maybe I just have to go through ups and downs for a while longer. I pray I keep my sanity through it.

May God bless and keep us all safe and happy,
Judy