Well, today started out pretty good. I got B.J. off to school, went to the church service center to help to clean up from all the activities of the last couple days, then went and picked up my mother-in-law to take her shopping here in town. Before we could get to the store, my cell phone rang, and it was B.J. calling to come home from school. I thought teachers were smart enough to know that you don't have a child just back from a bad case of pneumonia do 100% of the physical Education stuff. She didn't want to loose the 5 points for not participating so she went all out and almost threw up, and was pale and weak and wheezing when I got there. I brought her home and settled her in, she said that she was going to be fine and sent me to take her Granny shopping. So off I went to take Maw shopping, and things were okay, then I saw my husbands oldest son. I thought I had resolved my feelings about him, but when I saw him I was filled with so much hurt and anger, I didn't realize that a human could feel that bad about someone until that moment. I honestly have never felt so bad about anyone except him, not even my ex-husband. I have always felt sorry for people that hurt me in any way, I believe that people that hurt other people over and over again are truly pitiful beings that are so unhappy that they need to hurt others to feel better. But I am struggling with forgiving what my stepson did to his little brother and to our family. May God forgive me for the bad feelings I have toward him, and give me the strength to forgive and move on. It was rough on me to say the least.
My husband went to court today about the support issue. That is why the son was in town. But the case is delayed until next month. So more hurry up and wait to see what comes of that situation. My husband has always paid his support and done like a father should in a divorce situation, but for some reason his ex seems to think that he should pay the rest of his life, even though she is the one that walked out of the marriage and left him with little of nothing. Not even a towel to dry off with after he got home from work and showered. She just up and left him while he was at work. And you would think that since the one son is 19, and the other will be 18 before long, she would just let it go and be done with it and move on, but no. Anyway, I am trying to just let my husband deal with it, and leave it to God, the court system, and them, but it is driving me a little nuts. HA CAN YOU TELL?
Tomorrow is John's Birthday, he would have been 12 years old had he made it. Even though I miss him, I wouldn't want him back on earth, hurting the way he was, fighting to make it and going through the pain he was in. I know in my heart he is happy, and is better off than anyone left here for sure. But I do miss him, and I know it will be hard tomorrow. We are thinking of having Cake and Ice Cream in his honor for his birthday tomorrow. Just a simple cake, with "We love and miss you John, Happy Birthday" written on it. I know some people will think that is crazy, but my husband and I think it is a good idea, so We will have a small party for him, for I know he will be watching us always.
So now you know why I named this entry the way I did. I was warning you that my day has been a roller coaster kind of day.
Peace be with you all,
And God Bless,
Judy
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