Happy New Year

Well, in about 45 minutes a new year will begin. I am having some mixed feelings about it all, but life goes on. I am a little down about the fact that this will be the first year in 12 years that will not have John here on earth with me. But then again, after the hard year we just had with his death and all that has followed, I am kinda looking forward to the beginning of a new year with new challenges that don't involve Transplant recovery. I know that may sound odd, but I know John is in a much better place than I am, or that of any of us here on earth, and the complications that he had were hard on him physically, but hard on me emotionally. So, on to another year, striving to make him proud of his mom, participating in Church activities, trusting God to lead the way, and making sure that my family is dealing with their feelings as well. So, wish us luck and a happy New Year, and know that I am praying for everyone out there to have a great year full of faith, love, good health, and much happiness.
God Bless,
Judy

Well, here we are, just about ready to start a new year. 3 more days and it will be 2008, and a New Year will start with John not in it. In a way I am ready for a new year, but then again, it will be the first year since 1995 that John will not be here at all except in spirit. I know it seems weird, but I feel almost worse with this "holiday" than with Christmas. In a way, I don't want the new year to start, and then again, after all that happened in 2007, with John's death and all the firsts after that, I am ready to have a better year. There are still a few firsts to go through, the first Easter, the first Valentines, and the First Anniversary of his death, but on we go and we just try to get through it. I still am not sleeping to well, I was up last night not able to sleep and just seeing his picture brought tears to my eyes, and I am still teary eyed today. I am watching a friends little boy today, he is 3, and I am finding it a little hard sometimes. He tends to think he is the boss, and he acts like he is about 7 and I get frustrated easily right now. He is a good kid, but you can definitely tell he is spoiled rotten at home and thinks he can tell the adults what to do, so I have to remind him that I the boss and that he has to mind me. I also have to remind myself that just because he talks and acts like he is older, he is only 3 and may not realize what he is saying. Just kinda hard to deal with right now, but I can manage, just keep telling my self to just breathe.
Well, B.J. is 14 now, we had cake and ice-cream last night and celebrated her birthday. It is hard to believe that she is almost old enough to drive. She is growing up so fast. I just pray she stays healthy and doesn't grow up to fast. I still need my little girl for a while, I missed so much while I was away with John's transplant and all. I feel almost guilty about that. Sometimes life for moms isn't all fun and games, you know what I mean? She is great though and that is was matters.
Becky is doing okay in her new place, and my son is doing okay as well.
So that about does it for today, May God bless and keep us all,
Live, Laugh, and Love, and thank God for the blessings in our lives,
Judy

I made it through another first.

Well, it is 10:30pm on Christmas night, and I have made it through another first without John. It was a great day, my oldest daughter stayed the night, and my son Brad and his wife came over this morning and we had breakfast together and visited for a while and gave and received gifts. The kids then went to my mom's house, then my parents and sister came over for a little while when they brought B.J. back home. My parents understood that I needed to stay at my house and deal with my emotions and the day, though very emotional at times, was good. I had a few teary moments, and my husband and I had a few tense moments, then we would realize that we were just venting and apologized to each other, hugged and supported each other, and made it through one of the harder firsts so far, besides his birthday that is. Today was a celebration of Christ, and I am so thankful that God gave him to us all, but it is also about family and friends and holding them close and letting them know we love them. Our minister at Church said that Christmas actually means the celebration and worship of Christ, and I said a prayer of thanks for Christ today as well as a prayer for my family as well as all of my friends near and far, for their support during John's transplant and his death. Without all of you, I don't know if I would have made it. Thank you all. And remember, Live, Laugh, Love, and let the ones you love know how you feel, for you never know what tomorrow brings. Never go to bed angry, hug and kiss your kids as often as they will let you, and thank the Good Lord for all the blessings he gives us all every day.
God Bless, and may it be Christmas every day,
Judy

Merry Christmas!

Hello all! It is Christmas Eve and I wanted to post to say Merry Christmas to all, and Happy New Year. Our Christmas Celebrations are going okay. Becky is staying the night and Brad and his wife are coming over in the morning, so my kids will be here for a while at least. We went ahead and opened our gifts tonight, and tomorrow will be about Christ and family. It is hard, I will not lie about that, but with my other children around and my husband by my side, we will be okay. John is with me in spirit, and I pray he knows how much I love him and miss him.
Merry Christmas!
Judy

Only 5 more days

It is hard to believe that it is only 5 more days until we celebrate the birth of Christ with Christmas. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that the year is almost gone and a New Year will soon start, this one being the first full year without my baby. I miss him so much. I am trying to honor him by living life and taking one day at a time, but to be honest with myself and others I must admit that I am finding it harder and harder every passing day not to just sit and cry, and wonder why. Why my child had to die before me, why my young daughter must feel the pain of loss at such a tender age, just why? I know that God has a plan, and I know that John is with him and in a much better place than any of us, and I am thankful that John isn't in any pain any more. But I am human, so the selfish part of me misses him so bad that it literally hurts. I am not sleeping well again, and that doesn't help much either. But I still pray to God for peace and I know that it will be better someday.

My Becky is now in her own place. I am proud, and I hated to "push" her out, but it was time she learned to depend on herself and pay her own way. Also, she needed to feel independent and know that she could do it. I think it will help her to understand how I felt when she was living here, and it will also help her self esteem as well.

B.J. is doing okay, she has two friends over and I think that is part of her way of dealing with missing John. But it doesn't help me much with all the noise and stuff. But I love her and she needs this right now, so I will deal with it.

Well, I need to go for now,
God bless you all,
Judy

Ups and downs.

Well, school is out for B.J. until after the new year, and Christmas is just a week away. Sometimes it seems that time is just flying by, and at other times it is just crawling by. emotions are like a roller coaster ride around here, which is to be expected or at least that is what people keep telling me. One minute I am up, the next I am down. I know it is all part of the grieving process, but I think it is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. But one day at a time is how I will make it, with God and my family at my side.

Becky is about moved into her place and I am very proud of her. She has just about all she needs and is getting very excited about it. She is a little afraid of being by herself, but time and independence will change that I am sure.

Well, have a great day, and may God bless and Keep you all,
Judy

Hello

Well, it is official, Becky signed for her apartment today, and we got the electricity turned on as well. She will be moving in over the weekend. I am proud of her and glad that she will be on her own and that we won't have to fight all the time around here because she doesn't want to follow my rules, but then again, I am kinda missing her already. I love her so much, and just want her to be able to be on her own and take care of herself.

B.J. is doing well, her knees are better and she isn't complaining about pain anymore. She is starting to do the teen thing, not wanting to do as she is asked to do, and huffing and puffing about being asked to do anything. But when I remind her that kind of behavior will only bring her punishment and she won't be able to have friends over and that her pets will have to leave, she straightens up and apologizes. I guess I will just have to be a little firmer with her. Her grades are good so far, and she is still in Beta Club, so the only problems seem to be her not wanting to do her fair share around the house. Typical teen behavior, my third child and it is the same thing.

I am doing okay, I somehow hurt my shoulder and it started hurting real bad yesterday morning. I went to the doctor today, but they couldn't tell me to much but after they manipulated my arm and shoulder and had me in tears from pain, I came home and took a nap and it was feeling better when I got up even though I didn't get the scripts filled yet. I will be taking them in the morning to be filled and my husband will pick them up when he gets paid tomorrow evening. Oh yeah, they added another med for high blood pressure too. Great another bill. That was what had me in tears the most, I hate being a financial burden on my husband. I can't get insurance, and we have to pay cash for the doctor visits and the meds. But I am not emotionally ready to go to work yet either. I have been a little more depressed lately and that leads me to eating to much and I have gained 10+ pounds in the last 3 months. I need to loose weight to get my BP, diabetes, and stuff under control but I have been gaining instead. Needless to say, that doesn't help me feel better either. Sometimes I feel like I am spiraling out of control, but I can't let it happen. I have responsibilities, such as my daughter. Oh well, God will take care of it as long as I hand it over to him and have faith.

Well, that about does it for now,
God Bless,
Judy

Just another day.

Hello all, today has just been another day. My asthma has been flaring up quite a bit the last couple days, but so far I have been able to keep it under control. We had a good sermon at church today, I enjoyed it a lot. It made sense and touched my heart, that always makes for a good sermon.

B.J. is doing good. She is starting to express her feelings a little more, especially on her web page, about missing John and stuff. I think the web page is one of the best things she has done to vent, and I am very proud of her.

Becky may be getting an apartment soon, I am looking forward to her having her own place so that I don't have to fuss at her so much. She can do as she pleases without having to make me mad. We will have to help her furnish it, but hey, we can find her some decent things I am sure.

Well, that about does it for now, May God bless and keep you all,
Judy

Hard time of the year.

Well, it has been about a week since I posted. Of course things have been up and down emotionally for me. I miss John so much that sometimes I just can't help but to just sit and cry, but then I feel better and go on. The Funeral Home here had a candle lighting ceremony for all the families who lost a loved one this year. It was so touching, and good, but hard at the same time. I don't know how to explain the feelings I had, because they were so up and down that night. We got to keep the candle and bring it home, and they also made an ornament for the families to put on their trees, they were all angels with the names of the loved one on the back as well as the year of birth and death on the back. I will have it on my tree every year. We also got an ornament from Wal-Mart that we had engraved in memory of John and it had a place for a picture too. So John's face is on my tree too.

I do not understand sometimes, why innocent children have to go through so much pain and death, but I know God has a plan, I just sometimes wish I could understand a little more. I know that he gave me my children as gifts to love and care for until he called them home, I just never thought that one of my children would be called back so soon. So my advice to any parents who may be reading this, love your children like there is no tomorrow. Take care of them, and teach them of the Love that God has for all who love and believe in him and his son Jesus who came and died so that we may find a place in heaven with them. Never take time for granted, and try not to say "In a little while" to them. Do what you can with your children while you can, because even if they are blessed with a long life, they grow up and move out on their own. Also take time to let your friends and family know how much you love them. Smile and spread good will, even if it isn't Christmas time. Help someone with a door, smile and tell people to have a great day, do what you can for others, it will make you feel better too.

Well, off my soap box. I am dealing as best I can, and with time and faith, I will be okay.
May God bless and keep you all,
Judy

Hello all!

Hello all, just dropping a line and letting everyone know I am doing okay. The survey we took about how we are handling the death of John was pretty emotional, I think my husband and B.J. were crying as much as I was, but we made it through and I think in the long run it might help the social workers that help families help those who lose someone to cope better and know how people can react. I know it made me think and helped just to do the survey, maybe because I know that it might help others down the road.

Well, Christmas is just around the corner now, and to be honest I am not yet in the spirit of things yet. B.J. wants to put up our tree, but I keep putting it off. I know it will remind me that John won't be here and he always enjoyed helping decorate the tree and the whole spirit of Christmas. We got a special ornament for the tree, it has a place for a picture to be added and we had "in memory of John" engraved on it. I told B.J. she could do all the decorating, but I was adding that one ornament. That way John could "hang around" the Christmas tree with us this year and every year if only in our hearts. I can tell you this, most of the time I am okay, and deal well with the fact that I have had a child of mine to die, and will never get to hold him again unless I get to heaven too. But the "firsts" , you know first Birthdays, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, are the worst days for me. Just the thought of Christmas without my baby brings me to tears and I dread it so much, but I will not let it show to much. B.J. deserves to enjoy the holidays and to keep living happily. I know she misses him too, and she is dealing with it in her way, and if she can enjoy the hard days, well, I will just try to enjoy them with her, and not ruin it for her. I just hope I can do John proud and continue to deal with my losses and be a great mom to B.J. and also to be a good Christian woman as I know he would want. He was my world, especially during his transplant, but I must now find my way in the world without him. Man, this really is harder than anything in life, and I hate it!!!!!!! But God wouldn't have chose me for all of this if he didn't think I could deal with it, so I guess deal with it I will. Well, gotta go pick up my oldest daughter from work, so I will go for now.
May God bless you all,
Judy

Hello again!

Hello again, things are going okay here. We are all doing fine, just a little stuffy noses and such that goes with the weather here, but otherwise we are healthy. I have just been doing things around the house and visiting my friend that had the wreck on the 16Th today. Tonight we are having some people from Vanderbilt Children's come down, they are doing a friendship study on people who have lost a brother or child, and we told them we would be glad to do the study. Anything to help future families that have to deal with the loss of a loved one, is what I say. B.J. doesn't know exactly what it is about, she just knows it is a friendship study and she isn't to excited about it. She actually said she didn't want to do it, but I told her she needed to do it. It is also to see how the family is doing as far as dealing with John's death. I have to admit, now that the day is here for them to come, I am getting a little nervous, but I will be fine. Hey, I added a slide show of some of my favorite pictures at the bottom of the page, I hope you enjoy them. Anyway, I need to get ready for the study team, so I will go for now.
God bless,
Judy

Another first down...

Well, yesterday was the first Thanksgiving without my son, and I made it through. It got harder as the day went on, and I teared up on the way home from lunch with my parents, but the hardest part was late into the evening after everyone else was able to get to sleep and I couldn't get to sleep. I think I cried for almost 3 hours and then watched a movie. I didn't get to sleep until after 3am this morning. But I did make it and though it was hard, it was not as hard as I though it would be. I even felt up to picking out an ornament for our Christmas tree that we can put a picture of John in and had it engraved in memory of John. It is really going to be hard Christmas, but he will be there in my thoughts and in my heart and on my tree. My husband and I were talking and we are not really in the spirit to decorate for Christmas, but we know that John would want us to, and B.J. needs us to, so we will be decorating in the next couple days. Yes, I am still a little teary eyed today. One day, one hour, one minute at a time is how I am doing it. We had Thanksgiving dinner today with my husbands parents and our friend Brad, and it went well. We had a good time and made some good memories. Well, I am going to go, now I get to clean the kitchen from the good dinner. FUN!
God Bless,
Judy

Hello again

Well hello again. Yeah I know, it has been a little while since I posted, but I have been busy. I have been helping B.J. with her Lads to Leaders/Leaderettes web page a lot lately so therefore I don't have as much time online for myself. Also a friend of mine had a car wreck Friday and has a skull fracture and broken collar bone, and I have been worried about her and it made it hard for me to focus on things I like to do. She is out of the hospital now, but she is still weak, and I still worry about her. Becky is doing okay, and still working. I just wish we could find a place for her to live that she can afford. She needs to be out on her own.

Two more days until it is Thanksgiving, and the main thing I am thankful for is my family. Also that John is no longer in pain or sick, and he is in heaven with God fully healed. What more do I need? We have our health, our faith, and our family, God will take care of the rest too.

Hope you all are safe and happy,
God bless,
Judy

7 Months and it still feels like yesterday

Yes, it has been seven months since my John went home to God and earned his angel wings, but sometimes it still feels like yesterday. Yes, as you have guessed already, today is one of those teary eyed sad days for me. I imagine there will be quite a few more bad days ahead, but I will deal with them one day at a time and with Gods help and the help of family, friends and my church family, I will be okay and life goes on. I am looking forward to time with family next week at Thanksgiving dinner, but I will be missing John so much I just hope that I don't make it hard on everyone else. I am thankful that the rest of the family is doing okay and our health is good. I am also thankful that John is not in pain anymore and never will be. And most of all I am thankful that God chose me to be John's mom and that I was able to have him in my life for the 11 1/2 years that he was here with me.
John, I love you and miss you. I hope you know how much I love you still. Rest in peace my dear one, and enjoy your wings, you are free now to do as you and our Lord wishes.
Always remembering you,
Mom

If it isn't one thing...

Well, I am better and getting more energy every day. But now my oldest daughter has been kicked out of the house she was staying at and is living with me again. I love her dearly, but it has been less than 24 hours and she is already testing my nerves. She thinks she should be able to sleep all afternoon like she was the only one that didn't get much sleep last night and had to get up early and all. I wouldn't mind it to much if she wasn't having to sleep on the couch due to the fact that we had to give B.J. the mattress from the extra bed because hers had got to wore out and she needed a better one. So Becky has to sleep on my couch and I don't have a place to sit when she is doing that. Man, if it isn't one thing it is another, I get settled and something else happens. Sometimes I just ask myself what next. Oh well, with God I will get through it all. Whether I will have any sanity in the end is still left to be seen, HA! Oh well, time to fix supper.
God Bless,
Judy

Better now

Well, I am feeling better now. My allergies still seem to be acting up some, but at least there is no more chest discomfort and my energy is back as well. It took about 5 days to feel almost normal and that is unusual for me. I guess when I get sick I do a good job of it. Things are pretty peaceful around here. I am finding myself a little more down lately, but I think it is because I know that the holidays are approaching and I am missing John so much right now. My husband even said he wasn't in the Christmas mood this year, but he is going to have to fake it a little because we still have B.J. to think about and she loves the Christmas season. I am thankful that we are all okay and that John is no longer in pain and with God and Jesus in heaven, but I have to admit that it is harder to find the simple things to be thankful for this year. I haven't even asked my mom if we are having our family thanksgiving at her house this year. I don't know if I want to go be around the family this year or if I just want to fix for me, my husband and B.J. I guess I will figure it out in the next couple of days. I do know that Christmas day I am just staying home and having a Christmas dinner here for my family and if my oldest 2 kids want to come that is fine and if not the 3 of us will just have a nice day at home. I know that times are going to be hard the next couple months, but I also know that John is in my heart as is God and Jesus and I will make it through with my family and friends support. And if it gets to tough I know that Jesus will carry me through.
May God bless and keep you all,
Judy

Bad couple of days.

Hello all, sorry it has been so long since I posted. I started having chills Saturday night, then I started having some pain in my left chest so I went to the local ambulatory care center. My blood pressure was pretty high and they gave me a nitro tablet and since they don't have ex-ray after regular hours they sent me on my first ambulance ride to the hospital that is over in the next county. I spent almost 3 hours there to find out my EKG is normal, blood counts were normal, and urinalysis normal and they thought I have a virus that is causing some pleurisy that is causing the increase in blood pressure and pain in my chest. I don't know what it was, or I should say is since I am still feeling poorly, but I don't like it at all. I really hate being sick and feeling weak and not able to do things without getting really tired and having to sleep every couple hours to get my energy back. That is what I have been doing for the last few days is sleeping. My dearest Charisse, if you are reading this I want you to know that I have a new found respect for your strength. I know from your posts that you have a lot of illnesses that make it hard for you to keep your energy up and all, and I know now more closely how you feel and why sometimes you get anxious about it. I love you and respect you, and pray that you find your health in good standing and it stays that way.

The rest of the family has been great, my husband has been so sweet and taking care of us all. He made soup and has been doing the housework after working all day while I try to get over this bug. He is such a good man, and husband and father. Even though he was tired as all get out last night, when he found out that B.J. needed to go to the store, he took her instead of going to bed like he normally does at that time. He is my hero that is for sure.

Well, I need to try to get some laundry done if my body will let me today.
Take care and God Bless,
Judy

A little update

Well, B.J.'s thyroid is fine, and her blood sugars normal, and everything except her triglycerides are good. The triglycerides are 228, real high for a 13 year old, so we are all starting to be on a lower fat diet. Less fried foods and more fruits and veggies. She hates it! She is the typical teenage kid, loves her fast foods and hates the good stuff. She is just going to have to learn.

I am doing okay, just fighting off the change of season sniffles and sneezes and trying not to let it get any worse. I am missing John a lot lately, don't know why I am missing him so much right now, but I am. I guess it is all part of the healing process, though I don't think I will ever "heal" from the loss I feel. I accept it, and I know that it is all a part of Gods plan, but sometimes I just wish I can hold him just one more time, and tell him how much I love him and always will. I just try to stay busy taking care of B.J. and my husband, and trying to get Becky on a better path. That is my life now, not much different from before, taking care of my family just minus one, because he is home with God now.
I just pray I can live a life that both John and God will be proud of,
God bless you all,
Judy

Happy Halloween!

Okay, I am a day early, but Happy Halloween all the same. Trunk or treat was a blast, and I had a real good time as did B.J. even though she really didn't need to be out in the chill. She was still sick from Thursday, but I let her go anyway. I had to take her to the clinic for a thyroid ultrasound, but I also ended up having the doctor look at her again, and sure enough I was right. She wasn't better, she was worse, so she ended up getting a shot of rocephine and decadron (sp?) plus another antibiotic. It seems to be working, she wasn't as congested and the cough has subsided also. Now my oldest daughter is sick and had to have a shot today too. The weather has been so back and forth lately that it is really getting people sick with the cold like stuff and the flu. Already the flu has been rough this year with a lot of kids and adults getting sick. Oh well, God will take care of it all in his own time. We have decided to have B.J. checked by a specialist since her asthma is flaring more and more and harder to control. I told her Primary Doctor that I would feel better if she saw a pediatric specialist that deals with Asthma and lung function to make sure she is okay and to better control her symptoms. She has already missed over 12 days of school and it has only been about 11 weeks of school. That is not good in my book, she makes great grades in school and I do not want to risk her slipping in her studies because of missing due to asthma. A mothers work is never done, HA.

Other than all that things are going well, and life goes on. I got a little down last night, regretting not having that Family Photo made before John's GVHD flared up so bad and he passed away. My husband and B.J. don't like to have their pictures made and I told them that was to bad, that I waited to long and missed the chance to get one while John was alive, I wouldn't make that mistake again. I am going to start checking around for prices for a professional photo of my family and I will hog tie them kicking and screaming if I have to but I will get my family shot one way or another. That is my biggest regret right now, that I don't have my family picture with John in it. Breaks my heart when I think about it. But anyway, Life goes on, and I do have some good pictures of John and may have my favorite in the picture with us.

Well, I need to go for now, I have to take B.J. her next dose of medicine in a little while and I have to shower first. May God bless and keep you all.

Judy

Busy, Busy, Busy

Well, it has been a week since I last posted, and things are about the same. We have just been going through life one day at a time. My husband's court date with his ex-wife about child support is over and it came out okay. My step son who will be 18 tomorrow but still in the 9Th grade we have to continue to pay support on until he graduates or turns 21, so unless he fails again or drops out we will be paying support for about 3 more years. But the oldest one was classified as emancipated and we no longer have to pay support on him. It turned out okay, I do believe that as divorced parents should pay support, but not after they become adults. But the law was fair about it and we are happy with the results, and that is all I will say on that matter for now.

B.J. is sick again, stuffy and coughing and wheezing and all that stuff. I took her to the doctor yesterday and he gave her antibiotics and did blood work and is checking her thyroid as well. He said he would just feel better with all that she has been through, the mono, the illnesses and such, that he wanted to make sure so I guess eventually he will check every little thing. It is good that he cares so much, but I just wish he was a little better at explaining his reasoning for it all.

Becky is trying to get a place of her own. She will probably have to get a place through public housing since she makes so little at her job, but as long as she is happy and can make it and is as safe as anyone can be in the world today than I am happy and will help as best I can. It does still bother me emotionally that we can't get along well enough for her to stay home until she can support herself, but we are both strong willed women and want it to be our own way and not the others, and it is my house and she won't do it my way. So it is the best solution for us both. Since she moved out and we have talked it out a little, we both realize that it is for the best that she not live with me. I love her as much as I love all my children, but she is enough like me and way to much like her dad, that we just can't get along when being in the same house for more than a day or so. Oh well, at least she is doing well, and seems happy and I guess that is all I can ask for.

I am doing okay, some days of course are harder than others. I keep remembering John last Halloween when he dressed as a vampire. I wish I could have got a picture of it, but we had not been inpatient long and I didn't have my camera with me. I had taken one of him with a disposable camera, but I don't know what happened to it and so I haven't developed it. If I could turn back the clock, I may not change much, but I would have had my camera on and taking more pictures and I would have let people take mine with him and my other kids more. I think that is one of my biggest regrets is that my husband, B.J. and John and I never got around to getting our picture taken together. My hubby hates the camera as much as I do when it is aimed at us. So silly now that I look back.

I have been keeping busy and this next week will be too. We have "trunk or treat" after church Sunday. It is like trick or treating only at the church and we decorate the trunks of our cars and the kids dress up and go around to the cars. More safe than actual trick or treat and fun too. I am dressing up as a witch. Then on Tuesday it is fall festival for the younger kids. B.J. is working it and doing one of the booths. I am making the "fish" that the kids will be fishing for. It is actually a card stock packet with a fish colored on it with a treat inside. I have about 36 more to do, and it can be a pain, but I love it and I think the kids will like it too. Plus we have to make 24 sandwiches to cut in half and serve at the fall festival, plus I am babysitting tomorrow, and possibly next week too. Busy, busy, busy work. I told you I was keeping busy! HAHA.

Well, I am thankful for the fun times, and the busy "normal" life after the time I spent in the Transplant world. It just gets a little hectic sometimes.

May God bless you all,
Judy

Well, today is going well, and the week is almost over. I have been just chilling out at the house this week, taking B.J. back and forth to school, and helping get things ready for Ladies Day at church this Saturday. The last couple days have been pretty good also, I have been more tired, but all in all it has been good. I have noticed that I am more tired and feeling kinda yucky and it dawned on me that my sugars may be off again so I started to check them every day. Yesterday it was 154 about 2 hours after eating. Today, it was 180 something, and I had taken my blood sugar medicine this morning. I am going to have to go to the doctor probably next week, and let him know that since he lowered my dose, my sugars have been higher, and I am feeling it now. I used to be on 3 pills a day, then for some weird reason he dropped it to 1/2 tablet 2 times a day making the dose a pill a day. So needless to say, it may have taken a few months, but my sugars are up and I think that is why I feel so tired, and yucky lately. The life of getting older, HA! I was asked today if I would like to go back to 1995, and I said no way. I have made it this far, I don't want to look back or change anything. I am proud of "getting old" or I guess I should say older. I have raised a great young man in my oldest son, I have gotten my oldest daughter to adulthood and even though she still struggles she is doing okay. I have made it through the death of my youngest son, and helped him through so much until God called him home. And I have a wonderful 13 year old daughter that I am doing everything I can to make her life "normal" and happy. So no, we have made it this far, why go back? I am proud of my age, and accomplishments. So what if I am not rich financially, I am more than rich in many other ways. In the past people were ranked by their character and honesty, it is a shame that people think that money makes you better. The bible even says that it is harder for a rich man to get into the gates of heaven than a poor man. Maybe because a rich man is more modest, giving and faithful to God whereas a rich man tends to be more greedy, conceited and worships his status and money before God. I don't know, this is just my thoughts, but I would rather not have the money, and have a good status with God personally. God will provide me with what I need, so I am not worried about it anyway.
May God bless you all as he has me,
Judy

6 Months

Well, yesterday was the six month mark on John's death and I think I handled it pretty well. I miss him a lot, needless to say, but I am adjusting to life with him not here with me. It was very busy yesterday anyway, I had to take Becky to the doctor, then before she got done B.J. called and needed her inhaler for her asthma. Since the doctor had wanted us to have a recheck on her lungs from the pneumonia last month, I decided to take her to the doctor early instead of waiting until after school. By the time we got there, she was fine again, but by the time I got home I had a headache so bad, I thought my head would explode every time I stood up. It took 4 and 1/2 hours to get in to see the doctor and get out of clinic. All of it just for an ex-ray and to see the doctor for about 5 minutes and to hear she is fine and the attack she had this morning was exercise induced and we did the right thing by just having her take her inhaler treatment. Talk about frustrating! ARGH!!!

Today has been a little tougher, not so much because of being down from missing John, but because one of our little friends we met at the hospital is having some problems and they haven't found out what is going on yet. He had cancer, neuroblastoma I think it was called. He had went into remission, then relapsed, then had more treatment and is now NED which means no evidence of disease. But his platelet levels are dangerously low and I am worried about him and his mom. Please pray for him, as I am doing. They have been through so much in the last couple years.

Another young man, 13 I think, is having some GVHD issues from his BMT. He had leukemia, I don't recall the type, but had a transplant a little more than 7 months or so ago. He was doing great and was home in Kentucky, and started having GVHD of the gut and is now on soft bland diet and back inpatient. They also found out that when discharged they would have to stay in Nashville at RMH. Please be praying for him as well.

So many children sick, with or without cancers or rare diseases. I pray one day that the children will not have to got through stuff like this, that cures will be found and even improved so that it won't be so hard on the kids, and the families. I don't want more mothers to be missing their angels like myself and so many others. But God knows best, and it will be his will that is done.

May God bless you all,
Judy

Girls! Gotta Love them!

B.J. is having 3 of her girlfriends over today and man has it been hectic since we got back from church, but you gotta love them. They are decorating a gingerbread house that B.J. found at the store. It is pretty interesting to say the least. I enjoy having groups of kids over, but sometimes I just have to escape to the Internet to get a little "break" from all the energy.

I am doing well, kept a couple little boys yesterday for some friends and it was fun. I enjoy the toddler years a lot. I know my older kids are not ready to be parents, but boy and I ready to be a grandmother. I want to be able to have them over, spoil them, love them, and help my kids when asked for help. It will be an honor to be a grandmother, that is for sure.

My husband is okay, doing the same old things, working and working. We have time in the evenings to be together, and I love him so much for providing for us. There are a few times that I wish we could take a vacation together, go to a beach somewhere, and just have fun. But he doesn't like going places much, he says he hasn't lost anything there, so he doesn't need to go there. Talk about a homebody! Gotta Love him too! He is priceless to me anyway.

Well that about does it for this go around.
Judy

Fall Break

Hello all, this week is fall break for B.J. and we have just been hanging around the house. She had a friend over Monday and yesterday until about 6pm, and we all had a pretty good time. Laughter was all through the house, I really enjoyed it. They went to the public library while I went grocery shopping, man teenage girls can put the food away! They were constantly hungry, but it was fun.

There isn't to much to really post about, just really laid back right now. I am doing well, still have those days sometimes, but handling it one day at a time. Halloween is coming up and it makes me remember John's last costume. He was inpatient, as a matter of fact tomorrow will be the one year mark for his re-admit from our summer home. It was when we found out about his kidney stones, then he had the compression fractures in his back, and on and on it went. But he let me paint his face real good, he was count Dracula. There was one nurse that had to do a double take because she thought he was about dead! We had a good laugh at that. He was unable to go to the different rooms because of the VRE, but we had the doors open and he got to see the other kids and they got to see him. His doctors loved that he felt up to it. He did tire out but he had a good time. I miss him a lot today, but he is with me in my heart.

My husband is doing okay, working as always, the man never quits working, even when he is home, he is out in his shop doing something. It isn't until about 7pm that he stops working and relaxes with us in front of the TV to watch something together.

My oldest son will be moving into his new house they had built this weekend, YEAH! He works hard and is doing well, I am very proud of him.

Becky is actually doing very well so far. She has been working now for a week, and is learning more stuff at work and they are bragging on how well she is doing. Some people think that fast food work is for the low status people, but the way I look at it, any work is good work. If it wasn't for people who work there, where would the "upper class" people get their food? I am proud of how well she is doing. They have called her into work on her days off twice so far, that is usually a sign of them being pleased with her work. I just hope she learns to manage her money and eventually gets a place of her own. I think it would do her self esteem good to be able to say she is doing it all by herself.

Well, that about does it for now, I have work around the house to do, and tonight is Church so I have a bible lesson to do as well.

God bless, and take care,
Judy

A beautiful day

Hello all, today is a beautiful day, fluffy clouds in the sky, the sun is shinning and Church was great. There was a BBQ that raises money to send Christian youth to Christian Colleges last night, and my daughter and I had the honor of helping work it, serving the guest that came and bought a meal in support of our kids. I enjoy doing things for other people, it makes me proud to be a part of such a great service, and also to see my daughter volunteering to help too. My cup runs over! God is great, and my life is full. Yes, I still miss my son, but I know he is in the glory of God and heaven with all those who have gone to be with God, so I am at ease with it all. All I have to do is look out my window and see the beauty of nature, or look into the eyes of the children at church to see all the glory that is God. I pray that everyone has the chance to see all the glory that is God's work, and that the world becomes a better place with peace and love abounding. But if not, I can wait and do my best to do his glory and when he calls me home have a place in heaven waiting for me. I sing his praises on this beautiful day. Thank you Lord for every blessing.
Judy

Wow, we had a good time last night. B.J. and I went to the teen meal at church, the meal was chili and grilled cheese sandwiches. B.J. decided she wanted to help me, so she stayed in the kitchen and helped to grill the sandwiches. I was so proud of her, people were commenting on how well she was doing. One even asked if she hired out as a grill cheese cook, HA HA! Church afterwards was great also, just one big night of fellowship and worship and learning more about our Lord. What a great way to end an day, huh.

My husband doesn't go to church. He never really has liked going to church. He believes, though he has been struggling with his faith since John's death and he blames God. I pray he realizes that God didn't take him away, he took him home and that John is in a better place and healed.

Becky is now working, at a fast food place, and seems to be doing okay. She is off until Sunday, but hopefully she will be full time before to long. I was her ride home the last couple days, and got there early enough to watch her for a little bit, and she does a good job for only working there for a couple days. I am proud of her for getting the job, she did it all by herself this time. I just pray she does well, and becomes self sufficient.

Well, that about does it for now. May God bless and keep us all,
Judy

Staying busy!

Hello friends, I hope your lives are going well and that everyone is healthy and happy. I am staying busy lately, helping to keep the Christian Service Center at Church clean, taking care of my family and just living life. It is hard after staying away from crowds for so long to get out and be around a lot of people, but it gets easier as time passes by. It has been almost 6 months since John died, and we are dealing okay. I think of him often, and usually with a smile on my face. I was at the store where my mom works today, and the manager said one of the ugly words that people use and I was teasing him about being offended. Then I remembered that John had asked me one time, "Mom, why do you use those words? They don't sound good, and they don't do any good either." So I told the guy about it, and he agreed with me that there just isn't anything to say to that kind of question except that John was right. Since John asked me that question I try my best to not say anything offensive, and not use "ugly" words. It is not worth it to use profanity, it just makes you sound ignorant and just, I don't know how to say it, lowly I guess. People don't even think about it anymore, how offensive it can be, I didn't until my son set me straight. I learned a lot from John, one thing being that kids are a lot smarter and attentive that we may think. I try to listen more and learn more from others because of the time I spent with John during his transplant. Having more patience is another thing I have learned, not just from John, but from all my kids. If you have patience with others, they will be more patient with you. But the most important thing I have learned from the years gone by, is FAITH. Faith that God is always with us and all we have to do is believe and live according to his word. Faith that through him all things are possible, and that even if we don't get the results we want, it is all in accordance to his plan. Life goes on, no matter what happens, and we have to keep our faith and walk the way of the Lord. God never promised that our earthly lives would be a picnic, or without illness. But if we believe, have faith, and do as the Bible tells us to do, his has a city for us to live with him in heaven when we are called home. There will be no tears in heaven, no illnesses, happiness abounding. So I do my best to do as God would want me to, because I know where I want to be. In heaven, with my son, but most of all with my God.

May God bless us all,
and may we all take the time to see his blessings and thank him for them.
Judy

Man, time flies!

Well, time flies huh? It has been a few days since I posted, but things are going well. Friday was just another day, Saturday I started watching a 2 year old little boy for a friend of mine. That was fun! It has been a while since I had one that age around and I enjoyed it. I will be watching him every Saturday for a while, his mom has a hard time finding a Saturday sitter so I volunteered. Today has been a good day, Church was good this morning. We had singing worship service with songs about faith with Bible reading in between every 2 songs tonight for service, I really enjoyed it. I like singing, even though I am not that good at it. Then after services tonight we had a Home-made Ice Cream Social, and some of the members of the church put on a little entertainment. It was very funny, and I really enjoyed being with my brothers and sisters in Christ. The laughter was a great bonus too. Tomorrow I start my walking again, it has been about 2 weeks since I got any exercise, the first week was because of B.J. being sick, and last week was just a bad week. I have to get back into it before I start to gain weight again. I want to loose, not gain. Ha, easier said than done.

Well, everyone else in the Family is doing well, B.J. is over her pneumonia, Brad, my oldest, is working on getting his house built, and working, Becky starts to work tomorrow, any my husband works 6 days a week to make ends meet. So everyone is holding their own, and doing okay. Thank God everyone is healthy at least.

Well, I guess I will close for now. Remember to thank God for the blessings he gives, and make sure your loved ones know how much you care. We never know how tomorrow will turn out, so make sure everything you need to say is said tonight.

May God bless and keep us all,
Judy

A better day

Well, today has been a better day for me. I still am very emotional, but not so teary eyed, and not so down. I have done some scrapbooking as well as making some cards. If you haven't figured it out, I like to do crafts. I plan on doing some knitting tonight after I get supper done.

B.J. seems to be doing well, trying me of course just like most kids do when they hit the teen years, but I think I have it under control or at least mostly under control. She is doing well in school so far, and she made it through PE yesterday without getting sick. She likes to lay in her bed and watch TV and I am going to have to limit that and get her to do more to help me out and pick up after herself, but like I said she is like most kids her age and tries to get out of it.

My oldest daughter Becky, the drama queen, called today and it was actually good this time. She got a job today and starts Monday morning at 4am. Man she is going to be so tired that evening. She is my child that likes to stay up late and sleep in late. HA, she won't be able to do that if she has morning shift! I am proud of her for getting the job though. I hope it works into a full time position and she keeps it a long time. I even think she would do good becoming a manager after a few years, or at least it would be good in my opinion. That why she might be able to get a place of her own and start paying her own way. That is my dream anyway.

Well, I guess that is about it for now,
God Bless everyone,
Judy

Hard days

Today has been a hard day for me. I don't know why, maybe because I haven't slept to well the last couple nights plus the fact that yesterday was the day John would have turned 12 had he not died. I miss him a lot, especially on the special days. I know I will be okay, and that I have a lot more firsts without John. There is still Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas this year alone, not to mention the Holidays in the New Year. Every time I think about the fact that yesterday was John's Birthday, I tear up and get so emotional. I don't even feel up to going to Church tonight. I know I should go, but I have no more energy today. It was hard enough to just get up to take B.J. to school and pick her up. Then there was cooking and stuff to be done today. I just feel wiped out. I may try to go to bed early tonight, if I can get to sleep. The stress of the last to days have really took its toll on me.

B.J. seems to be doing okay. I think she is going through some of the same emotions that I am, but she tends to keep things to herself and not talk about it. I see she is holding something in, but I will ask her about it when I am a little more stable myself so that I can support her. It shouldn't take but a day or two, or I pray it doesn't anyway.

It seems like the last 5 1/2 months have just flown by. I can hardly believe that October is almost on us. Three quarters of the year is gone, and it seems like I just came home without John a few days ago. Does it get any easier? I don't know. I thought it had there for a while, maybe I was wrong, maybe I just have to go through ups and downs for a while longer. I pray I keep my sanity through it.

May God bless and keep us all safe and happy,
Judy

John's Birthday

Well, as I had figured today was an emotionally trying day. I have been on edge and on the verge of tears quite a few times. My boy would have been 12 today, had he made it through all the complications he had. I woke up at 2:00am this morning and remembered back to 12 years ago, that was about the time I was dropping the other kids off with my mom on the way to the hospital to give birth to John. He was born at 6:30am, then B.J. had her first asthma attack and quit breathing at the doctors office in her dad's lap at 2:30 that afternoon. Just like this year, this day 1995 was emotional and trying, just in a different way. But the good news is, I am fine or at least I will be fine. I can't say that I don't wonder why God set this path before me, but my faith tells me that it is the way that God wants it to be and that I will be fine. John is in God's hands, as we all are, so I know he is great, and God only gives us what we can handle. So, I guess it all boils down to just keep on keeping on, and let God do the rest.
May God bless us all,
Judy

Well, my husband over heard me talking on the phone I think, I think it was with my mom, but anyway, I said something that I shouldn't have said. I won't go into it here, it was more or lest something that was between my mom and me, venting you might say about our husbands. But anyway, he over heard and I hurt his feelings and now I am just bummed out so bad. I didn't say what I said in a negative way, or at least I didn't mean to. I thought it was a compliment, but it didn't come across to him that way. I am so sorry, but I do not know what to do about it, especially today of all days. I have been doing okay, or at least I thought so, but now I just feel like crying, my stomach is all torn up, and I just want to go somewhere and hide from the world. Lord please give me strength to get through all of this.
Bummed out,
Judy

Roller Coaster kind of day

Well, today started out pretty good. I got B.J. off to school, went to the church service center to help to clean up from all the activities of the last couple days, then went and picked up my mother-in-law to take her shopping here in town. Before we could get to the store, my cell phone rang, and it was B.J. calling to come home from school. I thought teachers were smart enough to know that you don't have a child just back from a bad case of pneumonia do 100% of the physical Education stuff. She didn't want to loose the 5 points for not participating so she went all out and almost threw up, and was pale and weak and wheezing when I got there. I brought her home and settled her in, she said that she was going to be fine and sent me to take her Granny shopping. So off I went to take Maw shopping, and things were okay, then I saw my husbands oldest son. I thought I had resolved my feelings about him, but when I saw him I was filled with so much hurt and anger, I didn't realize that a human could feel that bad about someone until that moment. I honestly have never felt so bad about anyone except him, not even my ex-husband. I have always felt sorry for people that hurt me in any way, I believe that people that hurt other people over and over again are truly pitiful beings that are so unhappy that they need to hurt others to feel better. But I am struggling with forgiving what my stepson did to his little brother and to our family. May God forgive me for the bad feelings I have toward him, and give me the strength to forgive and move on. It was rough on me to say the least.

My husband went to court today about the support issue. That is why the son was in town. But the case is delayed until next month. So more hurry up and wait to see what comes of that situation. My husband has always paid his support and done like a father should in a divorce situation, but for some reason his ex seems to think that he should pay the rest of his life, even though she is the one that walked out of the marriage and left him with little of nothing. Not even a towel to dry off with after he got home from work and showered. She just up and left him while he was at work. And you would think that since the one son is 19, and the other will be 18 before long, she would just let it go and be done with it and move on, but no. Anyway, I am trying to just let my husband deal with it, and leave it to God, the court system, and them, but it is driving me a little nuts. HA CAN YOU TELL?

Tomorrow is John's Birthday, he would have been 12 years old had he made it. Even though I miss him, I wouldn't want him back on earth, hurting the way he was, fighting to make it and going through the pain he was in. I know in my heart he is happy, and is better off than anyone left here for sure. But I do miss him, and I know it will be hard tomorrow. We are thinking of having Cake and Ice Cream in his honor for his birthday tomorrow. Just a simple cake, with "We love and miss you John, Happy Birthday" written on it. I know some people will think that is crazy, but my husband and I think it is a good idea, so We will have a small party for him, for I know he will be watching us always.

So now you know why I named this entry the way I did. I was warning you that my day has been a roller coaster kind of day.
Peace be with you all,
And God Bless,
Judy

A Great Day that Followed a Wonderful Night!

Wow, today has been pretty good. Church went well, and I learned a lot. Very inspiring and enlightening. I enjoy being able to attend church again. While John was going through his Bone Marrow Transplant, I didn't get the chance much to go to church and I missed it so much. B.J. was able to go as well, and of course that makes me very happy. She is getting her energy back, and working very well on catching up on her homework she missed while she was out of school the last week. My husband and I went out together last night, did a little shopping and went out to eat. It felt really good to just ride around and just be together. It has been almost 14 years since we were able to go out just the 2 of us. We didn't really do anything special, but it was great to just do it together.

So a great day that followed a wonderful night. God is Good! He has blessed me in so many ways, and I am thankful for all the blessings he has graced me with.
Until next time,
Judy

B.J. is feeling better.

Well, B.J. is feeling better, as a matter of fact she felt well enough to help with the Church Kid's Rally today. The older kids help to host the rally by helping with the groups and being counselors. They get a t-shirt and everything. It is such a good experience for them to help with the church and be good role models in being active with the church activities. I am very proud of her. I have enjoyed a little time to myself also. I plan on helping with the church activities next year, I am taking a year to just get used to staying home and not having to be at hospitals or doctors or home tending a child with serious health issues. In other words, getting used to a normal mommy life.


B.J.'s last progress report was even a little better than the first one, her lowest grade this time was a 95, her highest being a 100. Honor roll here she comes. She is in the school's beta club too. Can you tell I am a proud mom? She is a gem that is for sure. She can't decide if she wants to be a lawyer or a teacher. If she continues to study hard and do well, she will be able to do whatever she wants to so that is for sure. As long as she is happy and doing what she wants, I will be more than happy for her.

I am doing okay, getting over Becky's latest drama act, and just trying to enjoy some peace. It is getting a little harder for me the closer it gets to Tuesday. Yes, that is the day that John would have been 12. I know there are plenty of hard times to come, the first Halloween with out him, Thanksgiving, and Christmas to name a few. But his birthday will be one of the hardest I think, besides April 15Th of course. I know I will be fine, and I know John is in a good place, but I am human after all and I do miss him so very much. Here is one of my favorite pictures of him.
This was before his GVHD flared back up and we were home for about 3 months. Can you see the mischief in his eyes?

Well, I guess that about does it for now. Remember to tell the ones you love how you feel. You never know what tomorrow brings.

Thankful for the 11 1/2 years I had with this special young man,
Judy

The Drama Queen at it again!

Here she is the Drama Queen, and she is at it again. She called this morning wanting to know things about the child support case, and when I told her I would take care of it she got all mad and raised cane and then hung up on me before I could even let her know that she had mail here. Man, I only started going after the back support her dad owes me to help her while she lived here and to help her get a car, but she left and appearently she thinks she is going to get it even though she moved out of my house. Not if she doesn't straighten her life out, I will tell you that. That back support is the money that my husband and I had to do without while we were supporting her and not getting the support from her dad. In other words, ours not hers. Especially when she can't even be nice about it all. I worry about her, I know in my heart she is doing things she doesn't need to be doing, but I am not going to let her take advantage of me or my family. And if she calls and acts that way again, I will tell her not to call here any more. She only thinks of what she wants, and can get without working for it, not what she needs to be doing to take care of herself and get the things she wants and needs honestly. I don't know where I went wrong with her, but I know her dad really did a number on her and I am paying the price for it now. She is just like him, and I absolutely hate that she is. He is selfish, self centered, lazy, and only out for the easy for him. AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Man my day was going so well until she called.

On another note, B.J. is doing better and only needs a breathing treatment every 12 hours as well as only having to have her cough syrup every 12 hours. She is working on the homework that her friend brought to her. Thank God that she is getting better and that it won't be long until she is back to her old self.

My son got a new job, YEAH. He went out there and worked at it, and I am so proud of him. Their house is getting close to being done, and they started priming the walls so they can paint in a day or two. Hopefully they will be in it in the next week or so. Then they can sell the trailer they are living in now and be out from under that bill and in a better house.

Well that about does it for this ranting session! HA! May God bless and keep us all,

Judy

Hello again. Things are going well today. B.J. is feeling better, but her throat still hurts and is still coughing quite a bit. She is trying to rest and get over all of this, while also trying to get her homework up to date. She has a great friend who gets her work for her when she is absent. I am so thankful for that. She is a good kid. I did get tickled at her one day when she told me she didn't know if she could stand having a mom like me. She said I was to strict for her. I laughed and told her thank you, because that ment that I was doing my job. As a parent, I feel that sometimes it is more important that you do what is right for your child instead of doing what the child would want so that you can be "cool" to that child. Parenting isn't about being friends with your child, at least not until they become self sufficient adults. Then being their friend is so cool. That brings me to my oldest son. He and I get along better now than ever. We talk to each other with so much respect and love, it fills my heart. He got a new job, and starts next week. He had lost his other job and was very concerned about it since he just got a loan and is building their new house. But he went out there and found himself a job and called and I could hear the pride and happiness through the phone. He is a fine young man, and I am so proud of his work ethic, as well as family morals. My oldest daughter, though I love her dearly, is the complete opposit of her brother. She works only to get the things she wants, not to prepare for the future or for bills. She lives off of who ever will put up with her at the time. She left my house because she didn't want to follow my rules. And still to this day feels like she was doing enough and shouldn't have to help me around the house. She only worked part time, didn't save much for her to get a car and license, and wanted to sleep all day and go out with her friends and sometimes didn't come home until the next afternoon. I don't know how many hours I spent worrying about that child, wondering if she was okay, or just out "partying" with her friends. I still worry about her, but she is an adult, at least by age, and out on her own. I hate to be such a hard person, but it is time for her to get a dose of reality, or at least live off of someone else. I can't deal with her drama anymore.



My husband is doing okay. Work isn't to good, he is in construction, and until they finish their jobs they have started, they won't get paid. It may be up to a couple weeks, and that is going to be hard. He feels so bad about it, and when he feels like that he pulls away from me. I think it is so that I won't see how he is feeling, and so that I won't have that to deal with too. He doesn't want to "burden" me with it. I wish he would figure out that I worry more when he doesn't talk about it. Oh well, we will get through it no matter what. I love him more every day, and I will help him even if he doesn't realise that I am doing it.



This next week is going to be a little rough, so I guess I am warning everyone who reads this. Monday my husband goes to court due to his ex-wife wanting more child support. I won't go into how I feel about that, but needless to say it really can be frustrating dealing with ex-spouses. Then Tuesday is John's birthday. He would have been 12 years old on that day, had he made it through his GVHD complications and transplant. I still miss him so terribly, especially on special days. I know he is happy and in a better place though and that helps. He lead me back to the Lord with his faith and strength during his life. And he taught me a lot about patience, and kindness. I try every day to do something that he would be proud of, as well as what God would want me to do, and I thank the Lord for every day that I had him here on earth with me. We are all here because of the Lord God, and when he calls us home, we can just pray and hope we lead a life that will allow us to return to him in heaven and to the ones who have gone on before us. That is my prayers, that I can be a good christian woman, and earn the right to be in heaven when it is my turn to be called home.



Well, I guess I have rambled on long enough for now. Take care and live life to its fullest. Like my favorite saying goes,
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Judy

Well, Here is my new page to journal my life after...

You might be asking after what? Well let me tell you, this is life after diagnosis of Fanconi Anemia for my son John, life after his Bone Marrow Transplant, but mostly, my life after his death on April 15Th of this year from complications with GVHD after his BMT. Yes it is difficult, but Life goes on, therefore the name, My Life After...

So now that I have introduced you to myself, here is what has been happening lately. My youngest daughter B.J. has had pneumonia this week, and man it has been a long week and it is only half over! I had forgotten how long the days seem when you get little sleep from a child being sick. The hardest was when she looked at me and said,"I don't want to die mommy." She thought that since her brother's last admission into the hospital was due to breathing difficulty, that she was going to die too. It broke my heart, but I had to just take a deep breath and talk her through it. I just thank God that she is feeling better, and her IV is out, and she didn't have to go inpatient to be treated.

I also have an 18 year old daughter, and a 20 year old son who is married to a great young lady. They are all doing well, and no longer live here with me, but we talk almost every day.
Well, I guess that is a good start for now, I will be posting whenever the mood strikes me to journal, as this is not just for my friends to keep up with me, but to keep a journal without actually writing it down on paper. So until the next time, Remember that God has us in his capable hands and may he bless us all.
Judy