Hello again!

Well, hello again.  It has been a while since I posted, and part of that is because I was sitting with an elderly lady and I didn’t have much time for being on the computer.  But now I am at home again, so I thought I would let you all know that I am still alive and doing well.  It is so hard for me to believe that the year is almost over, Thanksgiving is just around the corner, with Christmas coming soon.  I am thankful that my family is healthy, and that we are all doing pretty good.  I still haven’t started school yet, but I pray that I soon will be in school so that I can get a decent job with benefits, God willing of course.  B.J. is still doing well in school, she is in the 10th grade and taking drivers education.  It seems like she is to young for that, but she is growing into a young lady, and though I am very proud of her, I still miss the young child she was.  It still makes me sad to think that all the stuff she is accomplishing, John will not get to experience.  I miss him so much, especially this time of year.  He so loved getting together with the family at Thanksgiving and Christmas, as well as other times.  I miss seeing the sparkle in his eyes, and the mischievousness too.   I wonder if he would be starting to be interested in girls, and what “type” of girl he would like.  I guess you could say that I just ache for him sometimes. 

Becky has passed the first of 2 tests required to get her state license in Cosmetology, and I am very proud of her.  She is now living with her future in-laws, and they are working on the small house that they are building to start their lives together. 

Brad is back with his wife, still struggling with finding a job, and getting his life back together.  I just pray that he will find his way back to God and the church.  I feel he would be better able to cope and all if he would put God first in his life.  I know it has helped me a lot.

I am still reading my Bible every night.  If I am able to keep my schedule up, I will read the Bible in one year.  All  Books, chapters, and verses, and yes I am a bit proud of this accomplishment.  It is the first time I have read the entire Bible.  And now it just doesn’t seem like the end of the day and time to sleep until I have taken the time to read from God’s word.  I always feel more at peace after reading the Bible.  There was once a time when I didn’t think that reading the Bible would help me in any way, but now I know the truth, IT DOES! 

Well, I guess I had better get some more work done around this house, so I will go for now.  May God bless you all!

Judy

Hello again

Well, Hello again.  I am sorry I haven’t posted much lately, I guess it is because I haven’t been having much to post.  I mainly sit with an elderly friend all day.  In my spare time, not that there is much of that, I am crocheting some bookmarks for our Ladies Day event at Church, and also making earrings.  If I can find someone to wear them so that I can take some pictures of them I will post them so that you can see some of them.  Other than that there isn’t much to put on here.  Oh, one bit of information, my oldest son is back in Tennessee.  He and his wife have decided to give it another try, they are living in Columbia now.  I hope they both grow up and make better decisions and make it work.  I pray that they will try to find a church that they like and start to study their Bible again.  I think that will help them more than anything.  The Bible has all the answers that we need to make a good life for ourselves in God’s eyes.  We don’t need a lot of money, or “things”, we just need Faith, Love, and the desire to follow God’s will.  That way we will be headed in the right direction.  That is not to say that there won’t be hard times, and very difficult decisions and stuff in the future, but it will give us all the strength to get through our paths in live.  I know that since I have rededicated myself to the Lord and His will, even the hard times don’t seem as hard.  So, my suggestion to everyone is to put their faith in God and let him guide your lives!  He is always with us and will never forsake us!  God is who we all need to depend on!

May He bless us all,

Judy

Just a little update!

Hello, I just thought I would do a little update.  Things are going okay here, just getting through one day at a time and trying to not get to down.  I do have a little good news to post.  My oldest daughter is engaged, and I like her fiancée!  His name is Matthew Sage Alsup, and he is a real nice guy.  His family is great too, I like them all.  He got his whole family together and me too, and asked her to marry him in front of the bonfire that we were all sitting around and it was just so sweet.  Everyone knew what was going to happen except Becky, though I think she had her suspicions.  They are planning for October 31, 2010, yes that will be Halloween.  They both love Halloween and going to costume parties and stuff, so their reception might even be a costume party.  It will be wonderful no matter what.  It does my heart good to see her so happy.  It has been a while since I have seen her smile so much!  I will try to post some pictures I took of them soon.

Friday will be hard for me, so please be praying for me to have the strength to deal with it and keep on keeping on.  It would have been John’s 14TH birthday had he not passed away.  I find myself wondering what his interests would be and how he would be doing in school and stuff.  It is hard sometimes to see kids that he would be in school with, or that he called his friends.  Love you kids and let them know how much you care while you can, because you never know what tomorrow will bring.  You never know if you will be able to tell them tomorrow or the next day, so don’t put it off until some other time.

Well, that about does it for now,

May God bless you all!

Judy

Okay, so it has been a while. Sorry :-(

Okay, so I have been a bad girl and not updated my blog in a while.  I am sorry if I worried anyone, I just don’t like this time of year much and I didn’t want to complain and be whinny.  So, what has been going on.  Let’s start with the bathroom.  The bathroom is almost done.  My husband just has to build the vanity for the sink and get it installed and it will be done.  Here are some pictures of how it looks so far.

This is the  makeup vanity that used to be my Grandmothers, and the  tub/shower.  What do you think of the color of the walls?

     

This shot doesn’t need any explaining but it really shows the floor and wall color.

And this is the beautiful  linen cupboard that my husband built for the bathroom.  He is so talented, at least I think so.  My husband and his friend did the whole remodel and I am loving it. 

Other than this, it has been about the same.  The only excitement is that B.J. now has her drivers permit, and is learning to drive.  Can we say more gray hairs are coming?  I am proud of her, but it is scary too.  My baby is growing up.

September is a hard month for me to say the least.  John would have been 14 this month, on the 25TH.  I keep looking at kids at church that are about his age and wonder exactly what John would be like and what he would be doing had he lived through his FA and BMT.  I know he is in a better place, but that still doesn’t fill the empty place in my heart.  I miss him so much. 

So that about does it for this post, I hope all is well with everyone out there in blog land.

May God bless you each and everyone,

Judy

Well lets get caught up shall we?

Okay, let’s see, About a month ago I started having some real bad allergy flare ups, causing me to have to go to the doctor.  He said that it was just allergy drainage that was trying to get my asthma flaring up too.  He gave me some antibiotics, and then I would get better for a few days then it would hit me again.  After the second trip to the doctor, I told my husband that there was a water leak somewhere in the bathroom, and that if that wasn’t fixed, than I would probably not get better because I am very allergic to mold and mildew, and I noticed a small patch of it on the wall.  So he and a friend of ours looked into it.  Well, let me tell you, it ended up being a bigger deal than we thought it would be.  Both bathrooms, which used to be back to back, had rotten spots in the floors, plus the leak must have been there a while because there was black mold starting to grow in the wall separating the 2 bathrooms.  So we ended up having to gut both of them and decided to just make it into one big bathroom.  So while we were without plumbing in the bathroom, I had to stay at my mom and dad’s house, Thank God I had them to fall back on!  We thought it would just be for a few days until we could get the basic necessities back in. HAHAHA!  We ended up staying at my parents for 2 whole weeks.  But thank goodness, we were able to come back home Tuesday, and man I have been cleaning house every since.  Remodeling is not a clean business, let me tell you.  My floors were a mess, but I have gotten them clean now.  Now all I have to do is”Spring Clean” the kitchen and living room, and then I can really clean my craft room.  Yes, I have a lot of work left to do.  But all that is left in the bathroom is the finish work, and the vanity/sink , and the cabinet for the towel and toiletries.  So, that about does it for now.  Oh, in case I didn’t mention it in June, my youngest daughter, B.J., got baptized while she was at church camp.  I am so proud of her!

Well, until next post, may God bless us all!

Judy

Still at my parents

I am still at my parents house, and my bathrooms have been gutted completely and have been sprayed with bleach to kill the mold and stuff so it won't come back. Tomorrow they plan to start to put the floor back in, and after that take the ceiling down and start the rewire job. It looks like we will be here until sometime mid next week. It is hard, I feel like I am imposing on my parents. They aren't even letting me buy some of the food, so I try to do all the cooking and cleaning of the dishes, or at least most of it. My parents will be going on their 2 week vacation Saturday, so after that I won't feel so bad because I will be using our food instead of theirs. I hope they have a great, and safe trip. They will be on their motorcycle, and driving up into Canada, and going all the way to Washington State, around where my sister and I were born. My dad was in the Navy, so we lived in quite a few states. So that about does it for now. I am blessed to have such wonderful parents who are there to help when we need them. I thank God for them every day, and thank them for being my parents and being such good ones often. God has blessed me in lots of ways.
May God continue to bless us all,
Judy

Well, we think we found the problem with my allergies!

Hello all, we think we found the problem with my allergies. We had a water leak that was worse than we thought, both my bathrooms had to be completely gutted, and redone due to mold and water damage. We are going to go ahead and do one large bathroom. I won't be online much because of having to leave the house so until later.
God Bless,
Judy

Sorry it has been so long.

I am so sorry it has been so long.  Things have been a little hectic here.  Let’s see, since the last time I posted, B.J. went to church camp from Sunday, June 21st until the 26th.  I got a call Thursday the 25th, and it was the camp supervisor.  He was calling to let me know that my daughter had responded to the invitation, and decided to be baptized into Christ’s Church.  Can you say,”Proud Mom?”  Yes I was, I didn’t sleep hardly at all that night.  Then the next Wednesday, last week, I had to take her to the doctors.  She had a sinus infection making her asthma and bronchitis flare up.  UGG!  So she was sleeping in my room, getting better, then Friday, I started feeling yucky.  Sinuses draining and just feeling tired.  By Sunday I was at the doctors getting a Rocephine  shot, a Depomedrol shot, Xopenex breathing treatment as well as Pulmicort treatment.  The doctor said that it was Asthmatic Bronchitis triggered by Allergy drainage.  UGGG again!!!!!!!  So I am still feeling yucky, taking Keflex and Tylenol with Codeine cough syrup, and groggy most of the day.  My sinuses are still trying to stay stuffy too, so I am just praying that all the meds work so that I will feel better real soon.  Other than that things are about the same, just waiting until September so that I can go to school.  The sooner I start, the sooner I can graduate and get a good job with benefits (hopefully).  So that is about it for now.

God Bless,

Judy

Why?

Why do children have to go through so much?  Why does Cancer and other horrid diseases have to take their little bodies and reek havoc on them?  Yes, as you can tell, I am in a down mood today.  I found out today that one of the friends I met while at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital with John is in the fight for his life once again.  He has neuroblastoma, he was in remission for about 2 to 3 years and found out today that it is back.  It is in his head this time.  The sad part is that his mom was told today that they have limited options.  They are going to give him chemo for 4 months in hopes of getting him in remission again, and if they are successful, they will then send him to Philadelphia or New York for a chance at other treatments, because they have no more options here.  He is only about 10 or so and this is his 3rd bout with this type of cancer.  It saddens me more than I can comprehend, I am struggling.  I know that God has a plan, and that no matter what, things will go the way He wishes them to go.  I just don’t want another mother to feel the loss that I battle every day.  I wouldn’t  wish something like this on my worst enemy so to speak.  AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  May God bless his family and save him, that is my prayer for today!

Judy

Hello all, just a little update.

Hello all.  I hope all is well with you.  I have been busy lately, I helped my sister-in-law, June, get a party together to celebrate the 80th birthday for my Mother-in-Law, as well as my in-laws 45th wedding anniversary.  We had a pretty good turn out, and everyone seemed to enjoy it quite a bit.  I got to see my grandson too, that is always a plus!  He is 4 months old now, and is cooing and starting to  vocalize. Other than that things are the same around here, not much happening.  I am looking forward to September, as I hope I start tech school then.  Wish me luck.  It is a one year course, and I hope to do well enough to get a decent job so that I can help support our family.  Here is a cute shot of my husband and Little Mikey, aren’t they cute?

And here is a cute shot of Little Mikey!  He definitely has the Smith chin!  I just love him so much!                           

May God bless us all,

Judy

Hello all!

Hello all, things are about the same here. Sitting with a friends mother four hours a day, Monday through Friday, as well as watching the little boy I have been watching for a while, on Friday, Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday. Basically, Sunday is my only down time, and this Sunday isn't even that because the boys mother has inventory and has to work, so I will have him an extra day. So, needless to say, I am staying pretty busy. B.J. is now on Summer vacation, and driving me crazy. She has definitely reached the "Teen Years", and the attitude problem is rearing it's ugly head. But we are dealing with it as best as we can.

My health has been okay, having problems with allergies, and my sugar seems to be going to low more often lately. I don't know why, unless it is because my body is fighting off something, and using up more sugar than normal, causing it to drop suddenly. It got to about 81 today, and I started getting light headed, as well as shaky, so I had to use one of my glucose tablets until I could get home and eat something. Oh well, if it keeps up, I may have to go to the doctors and have my medications adjusted.

Everyone else is doing well, and taking life one day at a time.
May God bless us all,
Judy

A sad time.

Hello, it is a sad time in the FAmily. Another young child is fighting a battle for her life. Her site is http://diannasjourney.blogspot.com/ , in case you want to go and let her family know you are praying for her. She had her BMT, and is now having a lot of trouble. The doctors are saying there is not much more they can do for her, that her lungs are failing (she is on a respirator), her kidneys are failing, and now her heart and liver are showing signs of failing. Please pray for her, as well as her family. I have been in their shoes, and it is not a good place to be. IT SUCKS! It seems to be going exactly like John's did. The lungs, then kidneys, and the heart and liver were failing when we stopped life support. It is breaking my heart that another family is going through things a lot like what I went through. Please Lord, heal this child!
Praying

Wow, it has been a while!

Sorry it has been so long since I posted. I have been helping a friend by sitting with her mom for the last week and a half, plus watching a 4 year old 4 to 5 days a week. It has been pretty busy, and I haven't been online much. This past weekend I went to Chattanooga, TN with my sister. She and my brother funded the trip, We left home early Saturday morning, visited the Tennessee Aquarium in Chattanooga, and we stayed at the Chattanooga Choo-Choo hotel that night. Then Sunday morning we got up and drove down to Alabama to see my Aunt, and Cousins and their children. I remember those days of having a bunch of kids all under the age of 11. We rolled into town around 9pm that night. Yesterday I felt like I needed a vacation from my vacation! HA! It was so much fun. I took about 192 pictures while there, a lot of the animals and fish, but also a couple of family. The only thing that would have made it better was if B.J. would have agreed to have the group picture taken so that all 4 of us could be in a picture together, but she is at the stage that she just doesn't like her picture being taken much at all, and I do good to get a shot of her here and there. We ate at Cracker Barrel for Breakfast Saturday, then we had snacks for lunch, then we ate at Olive Garden for supper, and man, I do believe that it was some of the best Italian cuisine that I have ever had. I was so full, that I couldn't eat it all. Then we had Waffle house for breakfast Sunday, and then we ate lunch at my aunt's house. Then my wonderful husband, who stayed home and worked, had soup ready when I got home. It is a weekend that I will remember and cherish for a very long time. I have such great siblings, who don't have any children, and wanted to give me and my girls a good weekend away! I am so blessed!
I pray you all are blessed as well as I fell.
With love,
Judy

Hello

Well, hello again. It has been a little while but there really hasn't been to much to post. The only happenings besides regular daily things is my birthday which was on the 7Th. I turned 45 years old, and my loving husband gave me the best card with a note inside it plus a great present. It was a Polaroid digital picture frame. I have been uploading some pictures on it and it has made me a little melancholy, with all the pictures of John before and during his treatment as well as my other children. Pictures of my oldest son during his wedding, which are hard to look at because he is in the middle of a divorce. Pictures of my girls growing into such wonderful young ladies, at least they are wonderful most of the time. Of course they are still young enough to give me grief sometimes, but they are such treasures. But the hardest part is the memories of John during treatment. I still miss him SO much, and I wish I could have more pictures. It just saddens me sometimes to think as I continue to collect my pictures of family and friends I won't have new ones of John. That really hurts, the thought of more and more pictures of the rest of us, but only having the ones I have right now of John. I know, I am babbling, but I just can't put into words exactly how it feels. Proud for the rest of my family, but sadness about John. It just drives me a little batty sometimes. Tomorrow is mothers day, and though I will see my other 3 children during the day tomorrow, John will just be in my heart and memories. I long to see him as a 13 year old young man, becoming a teen, starting to like the girls and all that, but I will never get to see him in those stages. I sometimes find myself thinking what if. What if I had made different decisions with his medical care, what if I had not decided to turn off life support when I did, and all kinds of other what ifs. I know in my heart that I made the choices I had to, but sometimes my head just wonders if the outcome would have been different if I had made different decisions. I know that all this is normal, the feelings I am feeling are "a part of the grieving" but sometimes it is just so hard. I look forward to going to school in September not only because it is something that I want to do, but because then I won't have as much time to think about the what ifs. Oh well, now you all know that I am not in as much control of the emotions as it seems in person.

The rest of my birthday was great, the Russian class that I have been going to at the church sang "Happy Birthday" to me in Russian, which was so great. And so many friends and family sent cards, or posts on my facebook page. I am so blessed to have such great friends, family and brothers and sisters in Christ. God has blessed me in so many ways. My husband, my children, my family, and my friends. What else does one really need anyway? God will provide what we need, the extras are just more blessings and are great, but I have come to realize that the best blessings are our God, our Family and our Friends. As long as we have God, the rest will be taken care of.

Thankful for Gods blessings,
Judy

Just a little rambling!

I got so tickled at B.J. the last couple days. She hates to be bragged on, and said that if bragging was a sport, I would be ready for the Olympics. HA HA! Too funny! If I start to tell someone I haven't talked to lately, she goes starts in with, "Oh great, here we go again." She is so modest sometimes. Gotta love her.

My son will be moving in soon, until he can find a place of his own. Him and his wife are splitting up, and getting a divorce. I hate that he has to go through something like this, but I knew in my heart that this would happen when they got married. I knew they were rushing it, were too young, and not ready yet, but they were "adults" at least in the age, but not maturity, and wouldn't listen to the advice that almost everybody was trying to give them. I just pray I can help him find his way back to God, and get him to go to church and put God first.

Other than that, things are the same here. I will be going to school in September from the looks of things. There is a long list of people waiting for a spot in the day class for the class that I am taking, so there would have to be a lot of people dropping the class for me to go any sooner than that. But that is okay, I can wait until then. I am looking forward to it though, and I am anxious to get started so that I can get look forward to graduating and getting a good job and such.

Russian class was so much fun last night. It always is! We are still going 2 nights a week, and the couple that is teaching us will be in until the 11Th or so of this month, so we will get a couple more classes in before they leave for Russia to get back to their mission work. I will miss it while they are gone, but I have to try to keep studying so when they get back we can pick up where we stop, and not have to review to much.

Well that about does it for now, I will post again some other time.
Until then, God Bless,
Judy

I am a proud mom today!

B.J. came home from school today with a certificate for making top 5 in her graduating class. She is 3rd in her class, and I am SOOOO proud of her. I wasn't even close to top 10, so I am very happy for her and hope she continues to keep such good grades and things so that when she graduates in 2012, that she can get enough scholarships for college. Man I am just overflowing with happiness, it is unreal.

I am worried about my son Brad. He and his wife are headed toward a divorce. They have been married for 2 and a half years, and have decided that they are not happy with each other. I am not sure how I feel about it all. I wish they would seek some counseling, or something first. Maybe even a separation first, to see if they could work it out. But I don't think that is going to happen. But it is their lives, so all I can do is support him as best as I can.

Well, that is about it for now, so I will go. Got to get ready for Russian class. I will post again sometime later.

God bless,
Judy

Hello again

Hello again! Just a little note to let every one know that I am still around. I am going to be going to the tech school probably tomorrow to see if I can find out if I am going to school in May or September. I am getting anxious to start school, and also a little afraid of starting. The sooner I find out, and can start planning and actually start going the better I will feel, I think anyway.

I have been doing the same things. Mainly sitting around the house, but also participating in a Russian Class at the church. The Missionaries that the church sponsors in Russia has to come home for 3 months. Russian laws have changed to where missionaries have to spend 3 months out of Russia, for every 3 months in the Russia. Our church also participates in the Lad's to Leaders/Leaderettes program, and they have a second language program, so the Pfaffs are now teaching us Russian Bible verses and some things that if we were to ever meet a person from Russia, we could at least help them or understand what they need a little better. I may never use the knowledge that I am attaining, but I am enjoying it very much. I don't have anyone to study with after classes, but hey, I am still giving it my best and enjoying the time in class, and with the teens that I am taking the class with. They are doing so well, and I am very proud of them.

Well, tonight I have church, so I had better get the roast on and get some stuff done around here so that we won't be overwhelmed trying to get it all done before church or after we get home. Take care and God bless,

Judy

Hello all.

Well, it has been a little while, but things are okay here. The Ronald McDonald house telethon was Saturday, and it was good. My husband and I did cry during the clip that I taped. They edited parts of the last telethon that John and I did, and it even had his voice on it. When we heard his voice, that just about did us in. But it was good, and I hope that it help to raise money for the RMH. That was my reason for doing it, to try to inspire people to donate to this great place.

Other than that I am just waiting to find out when I start school. If there is an opening during the summer trimester, I will start May 4Th, but if there isn't an opening, it will be September 1st. I am hoping for May, the sooner I get in, the sooner I will graduate and hopefully get a good job with decent benefits. A start at a more financially stable future for me and my family, that is my goal. Plus getting a job, or career, that I can enjoy, be proud of, and that will allow us to get some things we want, not just what we need. I wish I would have thought of all this stuff when I was younger, but I wouldn't change a thing because that would change my family, and kids, and I don't want that.

Well that is about it for now, May God bless us all.
Judy

Well, today has been better than I expected. I am still a little emotional, but it is okay. I helped a friend this morning, she is a teacher and Tcaps (state mandated testing) are this week, so I went and helped her in her class. My "job" was to help keep the kids focused on the test. She only has 5 kids in her class during the testing, and I mainly helped one of them to stay focused on the test. After that, my mom and I went out and bought a flower arrangement for John's head stone and we visited the grave site for a while. My husband met us out there. I still try to keep busy so that I won't focus on the fact that I miss him.

Other than that, I haven't done to much. Tonight is Church, I look forward to the Wednesday night Ladies Bible class. We are learning about becoming more like Christ by studying the "B-attitudes" and it is a very interesting book. The ladies that attend the class are just wonderful ladies and I admire each and every one of them.

Well that about does it for now, I will post again some other time.
God bless you all,
Judy

Wow, it is so hard to believe.....

Tomorrow, at around 12 o'clock in the afternoon, it will be 2 years since my son lost his battle with Fanconi Anemia, and complications from his bone marrow transplant. Two years since I had to make the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life, to stop life support. I find myself feeling more down and close to tears as the days count down. I still check on a lot of other kids that have FA and have gone through transplant, and made it, or haven't had their transplant yet, and most of the time I am glad to see that more and more of them are making it through the treatment. But then there are other times that I can't check on the ones that are doing well because I get to feeling jealous, wondering why my son had to die from it all. Why didn't he make it through? I know that God has taken him home to be in heaven, but the selfish part of me wants him back. I miss him as much as the day he died, and I think that I will always miss him so much that my heart actually aches from wanting him here with me. I sometimes wonder what he would be like now. He would be 13 years old now, a teenager. He would be almost through the 7Th grade. Would his voice be changing yet, or would he be starting to get facial hair. Would he be starting to notice the girls, and would he be so shy that he couldn't talk to them, or would he be confident enough to just go up to them and start talking to them. I see other kids his age doing some of these things and it makes me miss him even more. I just hope that with more time, I will be able to think about these things without getting so down and upset, with tears flowing down my face. Only time will tell.
May God bless us all,
Judy

Well, things are going a little better here. I am dealing with the feelings better now. Other than the boy I baby sit still being just awful, and not minding, things are going a little smoother. I think it helped that Becky and I went out and had a good day away from home. We got back before she had to be in school, and we laughed so hard and for so long just being goofy, that I thought my cheeks would cramp up on me! It was so fun just goofing off and being silly for a while. I always heard that laughter is the best medicine, and I do believe that it is some pretty powerful stuff! HA! I recommend that everyone try it for a while, just be silly and goofy and laugh! See if it helps you like it did me.

Well, tomorrow is Easter Sunday here, and after Church we are going to my moms to have lunch together as a family. I am looking forward to it, that is for sure.

Well, that is about it for now, May God bless you all!
Judy

Sometimes I really wish I could just go and find a cave to crawl into and hide! I am about aggravated with the 4 year old that I am watching today. He won't behave, he keeps trying to push my buttons and I am having a hard time not bending him over my knee and spanking him like he is my own kid. I really am getting angry with him. Thank goodness that I don't have him tomorrow!!!!!! I don't think I could handle it at all.

Other than that things are about the same, just trying to work through the feelings I get during this time of year. It is almost like a count down, but instead of it being a count down to something good, it is a countdown to a bad memory. The memory of loosing my little John, to the day that God called him home and away from me. The day my heart was shattered into a million pieces. For most Americans it is just known as tax day, the day that income tax returns are supposed to be done. But to me it is the 15TH, the day my son died. The closer that day gets, the more on edge I feel, the more agitated I get, and the more I just want to find that cave and hide forever. I know he is "in a better place", but that doesn't mean that it is any easier for me. It is just not right for a parent to have to bury their child.

God help me through this, please.
Judy

Hello again.

Hello again. I know, it has been a while, but the only thing I can say is that Spring seems to be one of the hardest times for me. Mainly April, and of course September. I have been thinking about John a lot lately, and have been struggling a little with some depression. But I am managing it, with the help of a lot of friends shoulders to cry on. It is just so hard to believe that in 12 days it will be 2 years since my little boy died. I think it really hit home when I found out that a young lady at Church is expecting about that time. It is just hard. I miss him bringing me the daffodils and tulips that are bent over from my yard and giving them to me. I just see them in the yard and tears come to my eyes. I know, this is all normal, but it still hurts. To be honest, IT SUCKS!!!!!!!! He would be 13 now, an actual teenager, had he made it through his treatment. I know he is no longer hurting, and is healed in heaven, but my heart is still broken, and I sometimes wonder if it will ever be any better. I know I will always love him and miss him, but will it ever be easy to see other people that are the age he would be and not lose it in one way or another? Spring used to be one of my favorite seasons, now I just don't know how I feel about it. Spring to me used to be about things coming back to life, turning green and all, but now it reminds me of the death of my baby boy. Man this really sucks sometimes. God help me, my strength isn't to good right now.
Till next time,
May God bless us all,
Judy

Wow

Well, wow just about sums it up. We had over 600 attendees at our youth rally this year. It felt so good to help with the Lords work, and working with the registration team. My mom and I worked the numbers after each group got signed in, mom would count the numbers in each age group, and then the totals, and I input it into the spreed sheet so that we would know how many were there after every group. We did it this way for the first time this year, so that the kitchen team would know how many they needed to prepare for for the snack times last night as well as for all the meals and snack times today. In previous years, the total wouldn't be tallied until the end of the registration process and it was all added by hand. This way, we tallied each group as they came in, and the computer did the tally for us. SO MUCH EASIER!!!!!!!!! We are planning on doing it this way again next year. I got to listen to a little of the singing and devotions off and on, as they had a live feed to our christian service center. God has blessed our church to be able to do the youth rally every year for 13 years now. There have been members of our church who would be visiting other churches in surrounding states, as well as in Tennessee, who said that when he mentioned where they attended Church, the other people would know that it was the Church that has the youth rally every year. It is known about now in about 5 states. I just think that is the coolest thing. We have churches that plan on coming every year, they plan it as a normal activity in their churches youth groups. I just can't express how exciting it is, and how full of the Lords love I feel after being a part of it all. I know, I am babbling a bit, but I am just so upbeat about it all, as well as blown away by it all.
Well, I pray you all are as blessed as I feel!
With Loads of Love,
Judy

Busy days!

Well, it has been busy around here. I have been helping the Church with the registration part of our upcoming youth rally, plus baby sitting, and the normal stuff around the house. I am enjoying it, but it doesn't allow much blogging time that is for sure. I guess it will be like this when I start to school too, but I will still be online when I can and update when I can as well. Our youth rally is this weekend, Friday and Saturday. I won't be able to go on Saturday, due to baby sitting, but I will be up there helping the churches that are coming to get registered and keep a count of how many we have as they come in for the ladies that are working in the kitchen so they can be prepared. I am fixing to go in and get my cookie dough ready so that I can get the 2 dozen cookies done to take up there too. We all do our parts to make it a good experience for the 7Th through the 12Th grades, so they can learn more about God and how he works in our lives, and how they can become closer to Him. It is our biggest event of the year, bringing in from 500 to 700 teens and adults. So there are a lot of us from our congregation that have been busy, busy, busy getting ready. We have to get their packets ready, which have name tags already printed for them and schedules on the back, plus wrist bands that are color coded for each grade (class) and they have the option to buy tee shirts with the theme for this year which is "Transform". The classes will be focused on transforming our lives to reflect God and His light in our lives. How great it is to be doing the Lords work, even if it is more of a background role in the process. My heart is so full of love for God and the work we are doing to bring more souls to him. I am just so excited!

I am also starting back to my Russian speaking class. I have missed it so much, but was able to be there last night, and it was so much fun. I may never use it besides at class and talking to the other people taking the class, but it is fun, and it really gets my brain working again. It takes studying and practice, and it isn't easy, but the couple that are teaching us are so patient and fun that it makes it so enjoyable, even if I do mess up (which I do often), that it is just fun. Thank you Adrianne and Erik for all you do for us and the youth of the church, you guys are an inspiration to many.

Well, I guess I will go for now.
Remember that God is always there for those who seek him,
Matthew 5:6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
In Him,
Judy

RMH Telethon News

Well, I had my taping session with channel 2 news for the RMH telethon today. It went well, yes tears fell, but it was all good. I found out that it is a tribute to John and that they will be using part of our interview from when he was still alive as well. I do not know how it will be, and how much editing they will do, but I do know that it will be on the telethon on April 18th, from 7 until 10pm, on Nashville, TN news channel 2. I hope you all that can watch will watch. If it is like the session today, you better have some tissue ready. Anyway, I just thought I would post and let you all know that even though it has been a very emotional couple days, it is all good, and I feel good about it all. I am very tired from it all so I am going to make this a short post and get in bed.
May God bless us all,
Judy

Nerves set in.

Well, the nerves have set in, and I am a little out of sorts because of it. Tomorrow, I will be going to do a taping for RMH, and I have been gathering pictures of John for it. I wanted some before, during and towards the end of his treatment, and it has been very emotional to say the least to go through some of the pictures of our time in Nashville. Needless to say, it has been a very teary eyed day for me, and I have been sobbing quite a bit today going through my files to find pictures to take. I miss him so much, I just hope I can keep it together tomorrow during taping, so that maybe it will be helpful to their fundraiser. I am glad I am taking my oldest daughter Becky with me. I am so proud of her! She will be graduating from Cosmetology classes by the end of the summer trimester, and she is growing into a very nice young lady. Still has a wild side, but she gets that naturally.

Well, that is about all for now, I just don't feel like being online much right now. I am sure you can understand.
May God bless you all,
Judy

Hello all

Well, hello all. I hope this post finds you all happy and healthy. It has been a rather weird couple of days. Sunday we woke up to about 5 inches or so of snow. It is supposed to be starting to warm up, but we are now colder than we have been for a while. The schools were closed yesterday, but it has melted off the roads well enough that they opened today. There is still snow on the ground were the sun doesn't hit it well. I took some pictures, but I haven't uploaded them, but it sure was a pretty winter wonderland. It was actually more snow than we have had all year here. I pray it is over though, I am ready for spring, and mild weather. So that the heat doesn't have to stay on, but we don't have to use the air conditioner either. I would like to have a decent electricity bill for a couple months. But it will be what it will be, God knows what he is doing, so I guess I will deal with it no matter what and try not to complain either.

Everyone here is doing okay, I am fighting off a slightly stuffy nose, but other than that I have been blessed to not have gotten really sick through the winter, and I pray that I can keep it all under control and not get sick for a while.

B.J. is doing well, she has been going to the park in town and walking and running on the track there, and as she said, "I am trying to get ready for bathing suit season." She isn't that big, just a little pudgy, but she is at the age that she is aware of her looks and health, and is trying to get "in shape" and I have to say I am proud of her for doing it the right way. She eats smaller portions, and exercises, and tries to limit her snacks. She isn't starving herself, or depriving herself, and I am very proud of her. I am nervous of course, she has started wearing some makeup, and stuff, I know the "boy" issue and dating will be next. She knows that she can't date until she is 16, but that isn't but about 10 months away. The scary years are upon us! HA! But she has a good head on her shoulders so I will just have to trust her, at least until she breaks that trust (if she does). I know quit rambling on, and let her have her fun while she is young. But it is scary for a mom in this day and age. There is way to much trouble that girls can get into. Oh well, one day at a time I guess.

My husband is doing okay. We are struggling financially, but he is doing his best, and there just isn't any jobs around here so I can't do much to help him. God will provide. I just have to trust that he will take care of it.

Well, I guess that is about it for now. Sorry about the rambling. May God bless you all.
Judy

I had a great evening!

Well, I finally got to hold my grandson, Little Mikey. Bobby, my stepson, and his wife Amber and my other stepson Wilson came down and brought the baby so we could see him along with my in-laws. Here are a few shots. Here I am holding my precious little grandson. If you haven't figured it out, I have decided to call him Little Mikey. And he does seem little to me, compared to my children who were quite a bit bigger that he is.

This is my husband with Little Mikey. I just love this picture, and the two in it!

This one is four generations of Smith men. John Michael (Little Mikey) is the first great-grandson to carry the Smith last name.

Well, that is about it for now. I do have other pictures, but it is late and I want to get in bed, but I still have my daily Bible scriptures to read.

May God bless you all as he has me. I am a very happy Grandma tonight.

Judy

YEAH! I got my financial aid!

I found out yesterday that I will be getting financial aid, and will be able to go to the technical school and take classes in Business systems. I am so excited, and at the same time a little scared. It has been over 26 years since I graduated High School. Now I have to get up and be at class at 7:45am, that is scary. But I will do it and get used to it eventually. Now I just have to wait until they have an opening in the class. It will probably be September before I get in, but if someone drops their class or doesn't show for class, I may get to go in May. Either way, I am on my way to school soon. I pray that when I graduate from the course, there will be some jobs out there and that I will be able to start to work. I have been a stay at home mom for over 16 years now, and about 1/4 of that was taking care of John. Now that B.J. is in high school, and doesn't need a "full time mom" it is time for me to do for myself. It is hard to believe that I have come so far, and that I have raised my kids to where they are. And now I get to think a little more about myself and the future with me working and helping to support our family. I really don't know how I feel about it all to be honest. It is going to be a big change, but I am looking forward to it, and looking forward to a different way of life, not just a mom and wife, but going after a career for myself. Man, this is wild, and exciting and scary all at the same time!
Until next time,
May God bless you all as he has me,
Judy

More excitement!

Well, I got a call from my friends at the Ronald McDonald House (RMH) in Nashville, and they asked if I would be interested in taping a sections for their Telethon. John and I taped for them one year while we were there, and they thought I might like to help again. Of course, even though I do not like to speak in public, or on camera, I will do my best and be taped for a piece for their show. So on March 11Th, I will be going up and being taped. Excitement is only one emotion I am feeling, anxiety being another, but I will over come the nervousness and do it to help support such a great cause. Plus it is a great little incentive to go up and visit with the staff at RMH, and also with the Doctors and Nurses that tried so hard to help John make it through his BMT. So, is that exciting or what? Or what is my answer! Nervous, anxiety, scared half to death, that is what I will be feeling until it is over! HA! But God will help me I am sure.
Until next time,
God Bless,
Judy

Wish me luck!

Well, I have been praying for God to let me know what he wants me to do with my life for a while now, and I have decided that I should go back to school so that I can get a good job, and not just work. I have applied to attend the local technical school to take Business Systems, which is training for administrative assistant. The course is a 1 year course (3 trimesters) and after I get done I will be able to apply for jobs that right now is not available to me even though I have some computer knowledge and clerical skills because I am not certified in the field. Now I have to see if I will be able to get a student grant or something to pay for it, I know I don't have the money to go without assistance. Please be praying for me to be able to do this. I know it is what I want to do, and I need to do something to better myself and enable me to help to provide for myself and my family.

The family is doing fine and they are supporting my decision to go back to school. I have the best family, at least for me. HA!

Well, that is about it for now,
God bless you all,
Judy

Hello My friends!!!

Hello my friends, just a little post to let you all know that I am still here! Life is going good, and even though money is very tight, we are managing, and taking it all one day at a time. I have been busy, and not on line lately, so I thought I would post today so nobody would worry. I have been knitting of course, and helping friends, and just taking time for myself. Praying for God to let me know what he wants me to do. I am thinking about going to school and getting a higher education at the Vocational School, so I will be looking into that in the next day or the next week at least. And if I can't get some grants to help me do that, I will go and find a job somewhere. I don't care where, just some place that pays enough to get me to work and pay my bills will be fine with me. I am not that picky. But I really would like to go to school and take office management and some computer usage courses so that maybe I could get a job working in an office somewhere. Wish me luck, and please pray that the Lord guides me to do what he wants me to do.

I heard from my stepson and his family, the baby is doing well, and except for a small case of pink eye caused by his tear ducts not being opened yet, he is doing good. My stepson even said he loves us all, it has been a while since we heard that from him. It felt great!
Until next time,
May God bless us all,
Judy

Hello all!

Hello all, things are well here, it has been a long day, as I have been driving my friends, Dinah and Mrs. Ethel, to doctors appointments. Dinah's was this morning, then we drove 33 miles back home, then Mrs. Ethel and I drove back to her appointment this afternoon. So, from 8:30am until 5:30 this evening I was driving or sitting at a doctors office helping my friends. I am tired, but it is rewarding to help friends, and it is a good tired.

I don't have any updates on my grandson, I have tried to call them and text them, but with no response. I knew that they would probably do this, as we haven't been close to my stepson for a long time, but it still hurts to know that my husband and I have a grandchild out there and will probably never really get to know him like we should. I just pray that some day my stepson and his wife will find the Lord, and that they will teach my grandson about God and His blessings. And that if they do find the Lord, that they will find it in their hearts to let us see our grandson. I do love him, even though I only got to see him for about 5 minutes, and didn't even get to hold him.

B.J. is doing well, and other than finances, things are going okay here. We don't know how long we will still have internet access, but even when we loose it, I will find a way to post every now and then.

God Bless you all, and remember to tell the ones you love that you love them, for you never know what tomorrow brings.
Judy

My grandson has arrived!!!!!!!!

Welcome to the world John Michael Smith, born 1/31/2009 at approximately 9:00pm, 6 lb 8 oz., and 19 3/4 inches long. Mom and baby doing well and father is proud and trying to live down the fact that he cried like a baby when his son was born. His mom and dad are Amber and Bobby Howell Smith, John Michael is actually my step-grandson, but I just see him as my grandson, there is no reason to not let him have all the grandparents he can get. I will probably call him either JJ or little Mikey, but time will tell. I pray he has a long, healthy life filled with love, and as little heartache as possible. Yes, I love him already. Well, it is late and has been a very exciting day so I am off to bed. May God bless you all,
Judy

Today is and exciting day!

I am so excited and anxious today, I got a message today that my stepson and his wife's baby is on it's way. I am going to be a grandmother! Her water broke this morning, and as soon as the boy I am babysitting goes home, my husband and I are going to the hospital to see the proud new parents and our first Grandson! I will post pictures as soon as I can as well as details on the baby.

The only this is, I think that B.J. is upset about it all. They chose the name that she had decided that she wanted to name her baby if she has a girl WAY in the future. She hasn't really said anything, but her facebook status hinted that she was sad about becoming an aunt, and I think part of that is because of the name issue and passed issues that the family had to deal with. I pray that if she needs to talk to me that she will, and not try to deal with it by herself. I pray that God will guide her through her emotions. That is the only down part of it all.

I have gotten through most of my bad feelings, and forgiven the past wrongs, though I haven't forgotten or regained the trust back, but I am dealing with it all a lot better, thanks to my Bible and my faith, and knowing that God expects us to forgive those who sin against us as he forgives our sins. I just pray my daughter can find that faith and strength to deal with it all.

But anyway, pray for a smooth delivery of a healthy new baby on this earth.
I am so excited!
Thanking the Lord for all the Blessings he has blessed me with today and every day!
Judy

Okay, here it is.

Well, here it is, the picture of the baby sweater I made for my grandson, who is due in just a couple weeks now. The picture is a little dark, but it is a hoodie, and instead of buttons, I chose to crochet some strings to tie it with. A great friend of mine picked up some very small pompom makers for me, and that is what the little white spots are. I couldn't use the yarn that I used for the sweater because it was to heavy a yarn to make small pompoms out of. Not bad for my first one I ever made. I made 2 more since making this one, but I forgot to take pictures before I took them to the friend I made them for. She was so excited and happy with them, and she didn't want them for herself, she wanted them to give to her friends at their baby showers. I am so happy she liked them so much.

Other than more knitting and crocheting, I haven't done much except for the same old hum drum stuff called house work. I am baby sitting again today, and he is being so good I thought I would get online for a spell.

B.J. got her first High School report card this week (drum roll please)...............

She got all A's, they were 100, 98, 99, and 100!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so proud of her. She now has 4 credits towards graduation. She is such a smart young lady, I don't know where she got it, I had to work hard for my grades and they were not that good, and her dad worked hard to just graduate. She is the smartest in our family, minus John, if he had made it he would have gave her a run for the highest grades, he also was a very smart young man. So, I am blessed to have such a smart and responsible young lady in the house. I let her go out with a couple girl friends last night, her first adventure out with just the girl friends and no chaperones. I was a nervous wreck! LOL! But she was good, we text a little before they went to bed, and she got home today before her appointed time, which was very good. I feel I can trust her more than her older siblings when they were her age. I also felt good that she came home and told me about what they did and some of the things they said. It reassures me that I am raising her right, and that she is growing up and learning to be a responsible young citizen. I thank God for her every day as well as my other children, and I also thank Him for guiding me in raising them.

My husbands dad is now home from the hospital, he had back surgery Wednesday, and is doing well. Sore of course, and can't do anything except for what the doctors told him to, but he is doing well, and so is my mother-in-law. I Praise God for that. He is 78 this year, so we were worried about how he would do.

My husband is doing well, trying to drum up some work of course, the life of a construction worker is hard sometimes. But with God on our side we will manage one way or the other. But he is doing okay, and like me just taking it all one day at a time.

Well, that is about all for now, May God Bless you and keep you all,

Judy

Hello Again

Well, hello again! Things are okay here. I have been busy the last couple days. My father-in-law had back surgery on Wednesday, and my mother-in-law doesn't need to stay by herself at night, so I spent the last two nights with her just to keep her from worrying and to make sure she didn't fall or anything like that. The surgery went fine, and he should be home sometime today. I am babysitting today, so it is another busy day for me, but I can handle it. I forgot to take a picture of the sweaters that I made for a friend, so I will try to take one of the one I made for my grandson and post it soon.

Yesterday was my anniversary, my husband and I have been married for 16 years now. And I love him more with every passing day. We didn't get to spend to much time together with his father in the hospital, but we got to spend a little time together, and we talked on the phone a bit as well. I just pray the next 16 years are even better than the last 16 years have been, that would be almost too much happiness, but I can handle a lot of happiness! HA HA!
I love you Babe, in case you are reading this.

Well, it is off to fix lunch now. May God bless you all every day, and may you take time to realize all the blessings and thank Him for them.
Judy

Sinus Head Colds, YUCK!

Well, we are still online, but I haven't been feeling to well the last couple days. I think I am trying to come down with a sinus head cold, Yuck! My head hurts, my nose is stuffy, and my ears are itching, and I just feel miserable! I stayed home from Church today so that if I am contagious, I won't spread it to my friends. I have still been knitting, a friend at Church asked me if I would do a couple of baby sweaters for her last Wednesday, so I have been working on them. I have one completed except for the buttons, and have started the other one as well. I hope she likes them, I am really liking this pattern. Got it online of course. I have some more patterns I downloaded and I am going to try them after I get these that I am working on done. I knit one for my stepson's baby that is due in just a matter of weeks. I am getting excited about it, I am going to be a grandmother, okay step-grandmother, but I don't care, I still consider the baby my grandson. I will try to get around to taking some pictures of the baby sweaters in the next day or so and upload them so that you all can see what they look like. Well, other than some regular work around the house, that about covers my week.
Take care and God bless,
Judy

Still around

Well we are still around, there just isn't to much going on. I have been knitting, and the regular stuff around the house, and going to Church. But other than that I haven't been doing much exciting enough to post much. B.J. is going to school, and well, that is about it. She plays online, and does her chores, and stuff that teens do, but not much besides the norm. And my husband is still out there trying to find jobs and such to bring in money. So things are about the same. I am going to the preacher's house tomorrow to watch the twins while my good friends take their oldest to the doctor. She broke her arm a little over a week ago, and they can't put a cast on it yet until the swelling goes down, so they have to have the brace re-bandaged since she is only 4 and it is getting dirty which is to be expected. But I always have fun watching the twins, and look forward to it. They have so much energy and are very happy children, when they are not sick anyway, and I just love them so much, as I do the whole family. So, pretty hum-drum wouldn't you say? Just taking life one day at a time.
Until next post,
Remember to let your kids know how much you love them,
and may God bless you all,
Judy

We are still here.

So far, we have kept the internet going, we will just have to take it one day at a time. I am okay with it all, finances are getting rough almost everywhere right now, but we will manage. I may be getting a job to help my husband make ends meet, that is if I can find one. There are not that many around here right now, but God will provide. So, on to how we are doing besides the financial stuff. I have completed the baby afghan that I knit for my stepson's first born son who is due in about 4 weeks or so. I still can't believe that I will be a grandmother soon, even if it is from my husbands first marriage, it is still my grandson too! I have also knit a bib, can you believe that, a bib that was knit. I found the pattern on the Internet, and had to try it. It wasn't perfect, but for a first try at the pattern and it being more advanced than I have ever tried, it turned out pretty good. I also finished a knit dish cloth. I have really enjoyed knitting lately, and even when I am interested in a television show, I will knit while I watch it. HA! My mom never thought I would be knitting! I wouldn't even try when I was young and she would try to teach me. I didn't have time to sit and do girl stuff, I was a tomboy through and through. That is until I had children of my own, and became a stay at home mom. You find that the "girl stuff" isn't to bad. I have also began a Bible reading program and I am reading every morning while I enjoy my breakfast. I got this one year seasonal Bible while I was in hospital with John during his treatment, and it has scripture from the Old Testament as well as the New Testament, Psalms and Proverbs for every day of the year so that when you get to the end you have read the entire Bible. That is one thing I have never been able to do is read through the whole Bible, but I am resolved to do it this year. Wish me luck and perseverance.

B.J. is still the teen aged Hermit that likes to stay in her room except to eat, use the bathroom, and go to Church and School. I did find out however that the reason she didn't want to go to the Convention with Lads to Leaders was because she didn't want to write and do her speech, she just wants to do song leading. I decided that instead of pushing her to hard, I would agree to the song leading only, especially since she is having to do without things here and I know that is hard for a teen to deal with, plus the fact that she works so hard at school and brings home real good grades on her report card, well, okay, I folded and decided to let her off the hook where the speech is concerned.

My husband is doing okay, worrying about us and the bills and such, which is normal for him, it is just worse now. He is such a hard worker, and it bothers him when he can't get enough work to sustain us. I try to let him know that I am okay and we can deal with not having extras, but he wants to give us everything and sometimes that is just not realistic. I pray for him every day. He said he wants me to wait until after convention in April to get a job, but that all depends on if he gets enough jobs to make it until then. See, he is a carpenter, and works on houses, building them or remodeling them, and work is slim this time of year on a regular basis, but with the recession and all here in the US, it is worse this year.

So that about does it for now, I will post when I can, and I have something to say, or gripe about, or just babble about (HAHA).
May God Bless you all,
Judy

Finances bad, and it bites

Well, with finances bad, and my husband working in the carpentry, our financial situation is really bad right now. We have had to turn off our home phone, and the next thing will be Internet, so I may not be online for a while. I am okay with it, worried about how my daughter will deal with it, but she does need to learn the very valuable lesson of if you can't pay the extras then you just don't get it or keep it which ever applies. Money management is a good lesson for all kids. I worry about my husband also, he is so stressed about it all. So for now it is day to day for Internet access, and I may be out looking for a job to help my husband make ends meet. I will try to get over to my mom's computer from time to time to post and let my Internet friends know I am okay. God will provide, I do have faith in that, but the extras will just have to go for now.
Trusting in God fully,
Judy

Happy New Year!

Well, the new year has started, it is hard to believe it is 2009 already. The day has been beautiful so far. I woke up and cooked myself breakfast, my husband had already gone to work and B.J. was still in bed, and started reading my one year seasonal Bible. It has scripture for every day of the year, and for each day it has passages from the Old and New Testament and from Psalms and Proverbs. It is designed so that you can read the Bible in one year, and I am determined to read it this year. Then of course I started calling some of my friends and wishing them a new year as well. For those of you that I didn't call for whatever reason, I pray that you have a wonderful year, full of the Love of God, faith, family, friends and Happiness! I feel so blessed to be hear, and look forward to seeing what God has in store for me and my family.
Until next post,
May God bless us all!
Judy